shattered, lost, or squashed dreams

SpiceItUp

Not really sure what brought this on but lately I have been thinking about what I have done with my life and what I want to do with it.

As a JW we weren't really supposed to have dreams of the future unless it involved a paradise earth and immortality. But we all still did even if it was when we were very little. I can remember dreams of granduer in the entertainment field amongst other things.

I think it might be the fact that in a few years I will be at that *gasp* dreaded age (yeah its only 30 but its still a big deal for me) and feeling like I haven't accomplished anything with my life.

Am I depressed? Maybe but only in that early mid life crisis sorta way. Have I done things I can be proud of? Sure I have. Do I still have time to work towards raelizing one of my goals/draees/hopes? Of coarse. Do I have things to look forward to? Definately YES YES YES (those that have met me will know what I mean )

But its something more. I think the one thing that I still haven't gotten over is my lost childhood. I'm sure some of you can definately relate to this feeling. Its like I wish I could turn back about 10 years and really go after one of those lost drams that I was discouraged to have.

Its just the b1tch of the mind that ponders all the "what ifs" and the "coulda beens"

Am I lost, shattered and squashed all by myself here of do you think of those things as well?

What was your dream(s) before you got sucked into a life-draining cult?

Ah well thanks for listening anyway.

Spice

Aztec

Hi Spice. I'm right there with you. I'll be thirty very soon and I don't feel like I've accomplished nearly as much as I'd have thought I would. When I was a little girl I wanted to be so many things, rock star, president, philosophical guru..LOL! I miss my childhood too, never really had much of one. Oh well, I put most of my energy into my son and making sure he has a wonderful one. I think I'll just live vicariously through him.

~Aztec

Lady Lee

feeling like I haven't accomplished anything with my life

well it sounds to me like you survived a cult - not bad eh? That IS something

When I left I went back to school. I wanted to be a therapist and now I am.

BTW I left when I was 35 and had two kids in tow.

Find your dream and follow it.

SpiceItUp

Aztec

it sounds like we had some of the same dreams.

Lady Lee

Thanks. I feel like I am still trying to sort "what I want to be when I'm gorwn up" except the only problem is that it feels like something I should have done a while ago. That I'm way behind with my goals.

I keep refreshing myself all the time. Right now I have lots going on in my life and most of it good. Just trying to keep my head above water is all and just feeling a bit overwhelmed today I guess.

thanks for the thoughts.

Xandria

Late Blooming is better than no blooming at all. I know how you feel Spicey.

I am looking at my options too. I had dreams that were squashed and then I felt inadequate, and now I feel .. what the hell. The worst that could happen is that I fail...and it not going to kill me if I do. It just shows what I have to work harder for!

I remember the fear of failing, the fear of being outside of Jerhovers will.. and the crap they shovel into you for years. I at times have to remind myself, that it is my life and to go for it. 30 is not to bad.

X

caligirl

(((Spice))) Hang in there! 30 is not so bad!! Then again, I am a kook because I looked forward to turning 30 for as long as I can remember. I always felt it to be this kind of "magical" age where people stopped telling you how young you still are, or that you are still a child and finally started treating you like someone who has experienced enough to be called an adult. Weird I know!

Growing up as a witness, I chose to handle the fact that I had very few options, as I saw it then, by simply refusing to dream and learning to embrace the "acceptable" goals spewed at us. I couldn't go to college, so I decided that marriage was the next best option, and I would just settle into a hum-drum daily existence. I simply did not dream about anything different that what I was allowed to have, and those acceptable things I had to settle for became my "dreams" by default ( very depressing)

BUT - since leaving and making a real life for myself, I HAVE learned to dream and to actively work towards making those dreams come true, so I guess the point to the above rambling is that it CAN happen and your dreams can still come true, despite the looming 30! So don't give up on yourself, and hang in there. Life is an adventure that you are finally free to live.

breal

I hear ya. There is something to be said for children who are allowed to have friends (not just the ones in the church/hall), & who can play sports, join drama club or be involved in extra carricular activities that don't involve preaching/studying/meetings. Many witness families I know limit there childrens development socially and crush there dreams inadvertantly by not allowing them to live a normal childhood filled with all sorts of childhood fun! Or later in life by discouraging further education they limit the childs potential in the workforce.

I used to want to fly a fighter jet or be a ballerina (so opposite)... but mostly I wanted to be a mom. Hopefully one day I will realize that dream. In any case I have a few friends (Non JW) who are also almost 30 and still trying to figure out what they want to be when they grow up...a few of them have just ventured back into school to realize there dreams.

I say whatever you dream to be or do - pursue it! To me success is knowing that you did everything you could to accomplish something and learning from it. Anything that happened before you in control of your own life is out of your hands.

SheilaM

Hell Thunder and I are almost 40. He just published his first book and I'm in school. Dreams never die sometimes they just get postponed. Find your path and start one step at a time. It's never to late to pursue your dreams.

SpiceItUp

Thanks guys....

Im feeling a bit better. I think once I move and change jobs (for different reasons and not for another year....lol) I will feel much better. Getting away from the dub family I think will strenthen me as well as getting to start my own family (no assumptions please ).

Oh and disclaimer: While I am approaching 30 its not here for 3 1/2 years. The prospect still scares me that I'll get there and still not have any more of a clue

freedom96

Remember spice, it is up to you to make the most of your life. You can do anything if you allow yourself to do so. Don't get caught up in the past. What you do from this day forward is what counts.

Whatever field you want to go into, there is always time. Even entertainment like you mentioned.

When there is a will, there is a way. Just make it happen, and have fun along the way.

shattered, lost, or squashed dreams

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