Allow yourself to grieve. It is the healthful thing to do. Religion may have damaged the life relationship, but it is a common thing that family differences cause separations and bad feelings. Death surfaces buried emotions. Mourn...and move on...life goes on. All we can do is try not to repeat past errors and patterns that caused problems. And we can only be responsible for the actions of ourselves....not the next person.
JW Mother Dying.... Not a Big Deal.... But it Should Be
by Zoos 19 Replies latest jw friends
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sir82
"Cry not for the mother that you did have but for the mother you should have had."
+1000
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blondie
Zoos, I stopped seeing or accepting any contacting with my parents 21 years ago because of their abuse. My situation is a little different since I initiated having no contact with them. But in your case, it is not as if you were literally dead and they could not talk to you; there is no choice then.
When my father died 13 years ago and my mother 8 years ago, I did not feel much then either and I still don't. They had not shown any kind of healthy to love to me or my siblings. It is no surprise that none of us had contact with either of them since 2001.
It takes more than a biological connection for love to exist and grow and endure; and a basis of conditional love is not love at all. I have no doubt that you had real love for your mother, but it does not seem she knew how to love unconditionally.
I understand how your feelings might be confusing now. We are taught that our parents will love us and we will love them, but actions speak louder than words.
Give it time, Zoos, and let things settle out. Your feelings about your mother will not go away, but they may no longer take center place in your life.
Love, Blondie
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iwantoutnow
Zoos - Its ok to mourn.
Its ok to mourn your mom's death, and it's ok to mourn the experiences in life you lost, or were stolen from you by the cult.
If you don't experience some type of mourning, you might have issues down the road that you can't foresee.
This might be a good time to find someone to talk to who has experience in this area. It may help take a burden off your back, and help you deal with it better. It is not a trivial thing.
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road to nowhere
Do the human and compassionate thing. Take the high road even if they will not. Visit, call or whatever you think is appropriate and put them to the test.
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Zoos
I read every response. Deepest gratitude to everyone. I did allow myself to weep with feelings I tried to hide, but couldn’t. Apparently there was still bullshit I was unable to hide by anger. It’s done. I’m on my way forward and grateful for all your supportive words.
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Vidiot
@ Zoos...
Don't be surprised at feeling conflicted over this.
I've heard of folks even mourning the death of full-on abusive parents... they just can't help it.
Just means you're human, buddy.
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AudeSapere
So sorry, Zoos. Death of an estranged family member triggers so many complicated emotions. It's harder in some ways than with someone we've had good relationship.
For me, I think I grieved the loss of any resolution and minimal good memories of the person who has passed.
So sorry.
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smiddy3
Zoos their is no shame in weeping my friend over a loss that we cant control .They say that time heals everything and I hope that you are in a better frame of mind and are able to cope with life better now than you would have felt about a month ago.
Take care my friend and if you want to talk pm me ,the offer is their .
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LoveUniHateExams
It's truly terrible and sad the way this cult splits up families.
If you have no emotions or don't want to spend your time emoting, fine.
If you want to cry, fine.
I will face a similar situation when my dad dies (although it's actually nothing to do with the WTS). My dad was in good health the last time I saw him in 2015 aged 67. I don't know what kind of health he's in today, I'm guessing he's still alive.