The Top 10 Lies Happy Husbands Tell

by teejay 51 Replies latest social relationships

• 

  DannyBear

  Ok fair is fair.

  What about these from the ladies side:

  "Look but don't touch"

  Yeah....go ahead and leer, fantasize to your hearts content......no she is simply letting you know you have been caught, despite the mirrored sunglasses.

  "Whatever you decide is fine with me"

  Uh Huh....a sure sign that she is through discussing it, if you choose to do anything other than what she wants your dead meat.

  "Can we talk"

  The three most feared words a woman can utter to her man. These three words conjure up more fear in a man's mind than almost anyothers.

  We men know that our ass is on the line for something or other.

  "Honey I have a favor to ask"

  Get ready to put your work clothes on, change your hairstyle, buy new clothes, travel to her mothers, or worse yet open your home and wallet to some needy relative.

  "Never mind I really didn't...........you insert the appropriate phrase.

  Mind, mind, mind you better do what your told silly bastard!

  There are more, but Iam already depressed.

  Danny
• 

  berylblue

  Well I ALWAYS do so no problems here

  Thanks, beautiful Sheila, I thought I was the only woman on earth who ALWAYS wants to make love.

  Rosemarie

  who is wondering where Tim is and if he can spare a few hours
• 

  expatbrit

  What's this? Marital wisdom from Cosmopolitan rag mag?

  Expatbrit
• 

  JeffT

  Somebody get the beer, I'll bring a rope.
• 

  drwtsn32

  teejay: I just now noticed this thread... hilarious!!
• 

  GentlyFeral

  DH and I have been married 30 years and we've turned just about everything on this list upside down.
  
  1. "Sure, honey, that skirt looks fine." His version: "I remember fondly the years when you wore miniskirts. Yeah, you don't have the legs for it any more [true], but hey, I really like the whole sarong-and-no-underwear thing!"
  
  2. "I can fix it." He'd better be able to, he was in the construction trade for 20 years, and when that went bust, taught himself way too much about computers.
  
  3. "I was not looking at her boobs." Actually, he was. And pointed them out to me, like he's supposed to.
  
  4. "Nothing's wrong." Actually, this is *my* line. I'm the one who tends to bottle things up.
  
  5. "I tried to call you." After 30 years, why *should* he have to call home like an irresponsible teenager? Look, when *I'm* at a strip show, he doesn't expect *me* to call home!
  
  6. "I don't want to have sex unless you want to." Um, I haven't heard this one for several years now. Hee hee.
  
  7. "I'm the best, baby." Well, he doesn't actually *say* it this way :)
  
  8. "My old girlfriend? She was just okay." She's turning out to be a really cool old lady, though. We're friends now & have been for years.
  
  9. "I did not have sexual relations with that (wo)man." Well, damn. We'll just have to ask someone else.
  
  10. "I'll never lie to you." Mainly because neither of us ever learned how.
  
  GentlyFeral
  looking forward to our 30th anniversary next month
• 

  larc

  Pretty good list there Teejay. It pretty much summarizes stuff.
  
  I would recommend a book for all men and women, "A Complete Guide To Guys," by Dave Barey. Dave is not a psychologist. He is a humourist-journalist who writes a syndicated column that appears every Sunday in a number of newspapers. Reading his book, could save a lot of marriages and relationships leading to marriage.
• 

  Billygoat

  These are hilarious! Thanks Teejay for posting these! It reminded me of one night last week when Neil and I were about to go out for the evening. We were in the bathroom getting ready together and I hear him grumbling about his hair. I asked, "What's wrong?" He said, "I'm having a bad hair day." I said, "Don't worry about it sweetie, I'm having a bad hair day too." He voice raises half an octave and goes, "Baby! You're not supposed to say that. You're supposed to say my hair looks good." I laughed out loud. His hair DID look good as it ALWAYS does, but I thought his comment was funny. Who's the wife here?!?!
• 

  SheilaM

  Beryl:
• 

  waiting

  hey expat,

  What's this? Marital wisdom from Cosmopolitan rag mag? Expatbrit

  Don't dismiss what women's magazines say about men. It's not deep...but then, neither are men. Worth repeating.The newspaper ran a story about a woman who stabbed her husband 37 times. I admire her restraint. Rosanne Barr. Back to you & 'swa. waiting