Alone in a house full of people

LovesDubs

For those of you still married to a JW...have you ever felt like you were living alone even tho there is a person on the other side of the bed? I sure do...he has this whole "secret life" and all his JW friends and JW relatives and wont have anything to do with my friends or my relatives, even tho most of them never were JWs....so we dont do anything together as a couple. I mean ZIP. I had an invitation to go to Disneyworld from a gal who is inactive and was going to get us all in on her guest passes...and he WOULDNT GO because she was "bad association"???? But yet he hangs out in bars and gets loaded and plays pool with worldly people and goes to his brother in laws rock band performances in bars...and thats ok?? He claims he isnt shunning me yet I could count on ONE hand the number of times he has taken me out in 6 years since I DAd. He just went north to visit his family yet wont go with ME when I want to go up with the kids?? He stayed with his JW step father and soon to be reinstated JW mother and went fishing with his JW friend and hung out with all his other JW buddies and went to the meetings... and he doesnt even go to the meetings HERE. Its all a big freak show. A big SHOW for damn sure. He took all the JW books off the book shelves, which I never have messed with and left there for him, and said he "wanted to make sure they all stayed togehter" and stacked them in our bedroom now. What is THAT?? And when he cant find his book study book he slams around the house saying "I KNOW I had it there or I KNOW it was in my bag or I KNOW somebody moved it..!" obviously accusing me...when I havent TOUCHED it. And when he decides to go to the meetings he SNEAKS out of the house or when hes taking the kids he doesnt TELL me he WHISPERS to them to go get ready....And when I ask about any of this. I get total silence...or "Dont concern yourself". Or the condescending tone..."What did you expect? YOu ASKED for this. YOU left Jehovah."

Im soooooo depressed. I have to ask would I have stayed with this man had we not had kids together. I would have to answer no.

How do you guys deal with this?

Francois

I wouldn't deal with it. I would get an attorney, file for divorce, for sole custody if the kids were mine, and for hefty child support, and let him see how it feels for the fhoe to be on the other soot, er, the shoe to be on the other foot.

You can't be walked on like this unless you lie down first. Get the hell up and and punch this asshole's lights out (figuratively at least, tell him you're of the Deliah "class" and you're cutting off his "anti-typical" hair.) That oughta fix him.

Standing by,
francois

mommy1

Lovesdub,

I hope that you will find the strength to leave. If you never were a witness would you put up with this treatment from him? I have been DF for a long time and my Jw dad still knows how to put the digs in me. I'll love you as long as you are a witness guilt trip. It can make you real sick if you don't do something about it. Look at how much pain you are going through because of this abuse.

viktoria

I´m with Francois on this one....leave the selfish bastard and get a good life on your own.This isn´t good for you or the children.

I know, I was there myself once.Life is soooo much better without a "man" like that.

Viktoria

gumby

I had an invitation to go to Disneyworld from a gal who is inactive and was going to get us all in on her guest passes...and he WOULDNT GO because she was "bad association"???? But yet he hangs out in bars and gets loaded and plays pool with worldly people and goes to his brother in laws rock band performances in bars...and thats ok?

That seems to be the situation in many households where this situation exists. When I was a servant and secretly smoked weed.....I still played by dub rules even though I lived a double life. I wish I could tell you why but I can't.

My wife is still a dub but she is sweet and never does the things you described........but,

......I know the feeling of feeling alone. I feel that way at this very moment. She is at the meeting, then shes off to a get together. We cannot discuss what is tearing me up ....that being family shunning. I can't discuss the things that are the most disturbing and important things in my life. I love my wife very much , yet I am so damn lonely over the things I have mentioned.

Your husband? Sounds like he's trying to hurt you for leaving dubdom yet doesn't live like one himself. He seems angry at you but I haven't a clue why. You need to ask him the things you have mentioned here.

Have you ever threatened to tell the elders about HIS lifestyle? Perhaps if they kicked his ass out also, maybe he would feel what you feel and things would change. I wish I knew more to give advise but I don't.

Gumby

LovesDubs

Thanks guys...its so nice to know you all are out there. I tell you what...when he comes back from his little trip north, we are gonna have a sit down, and at LEAST seek counseling. Im waiting tho for the "we dont talk to worldly psychiatrists" to be thrown at me. If hes not willing to work for this marriage, then HE has to go. I will be damned if IM gonna leave this house that only I clean and mow and decorate and fix and raise three kids alone in! He and I own a business and yes I do all the paperwork for that ON TOP of everything else. He does the labor for the jobs I schedule...he doesnt take care of the repairs on his own HOUSE and hes a contractor! Its just F-ing rediculous...but hes got all the time in the world to go to the bar. I say if it IS me hes avoiding coming home to...I will gladly open the door so he can stay away 24-7 if thats what he wants. But he nevers says what bothers him...he never says ANYTHING just comes and goes like its a boarding house and Im just a bootie call...and unless things change even THAT is going to come to an abrupt halt. Im way too old to believe that somebody should change for me...or for anybody else. But marriage is supposed to be a partnership and a friendship...and right now...its neither.

onacruse

((LovesDubs))

I know all too well what you're going through. My JW wife and kids treated me like a ghost after I was DFd, except when she wanted to throw one of her numerous barbs at me about "don't you feel bad for leaving Jehovah...aren't you worried about Armageddon...I'm having friends over, you'll have to go to the back room and stay out of sight." It dawned on me, after a few months, that we had almost nothing in common, now that "theocratic" activities were deleted.

Unfortunately, divorce is very often the result. Many times the "believer" manipulates things toward that end, claiming "spiritual and emotional abuse," hoping to gain the sympathy of the congregation, as well as justification for their own decision to cut you out of their lives.

I agree with Francois. Why stay and be stomped on until you have been reduced to an emotional wreck?

The guilt is theirs, not yours.

My very best to you,

Craig

Francois

Just a suggestion. While he's gone, go see one of those attorneys who advertise in the phone book "First visit no charge." Go tell him your story. He'll tell you what your rights are and what you can expect. Then when you talk to your "husband," you can be confident in knowing what your rights are and what they are not. You likely feel the JWs and their rules and regs have something to do with you. They don't. It's a new ballgame when you hit the legal system, and the damned JWs got nothing to do with it.

Try it, you'll like it. And likely seeing that attorney will add a bounce to your step and a smile to your face. Go for it.

francois

gumby

I'm having friends over, you'll have to go to the back room and stay out of sight."

Damn craig.....you must be one helluva nice dude. I can't IMAGINE my wife saying that to me. If she did, our life would have changed for sure.

Someone said a while back here about NOT playing by dub rules. When we play by dub rules it tells the dubs they are correct and that we respect that......(though not in all cases.)

Francois and others. I don't know it's such a good idea to encourage divorce and attorneys just yet. She did say she would try counciling first. Why not let her give that a shot first? There are also kids involved which nobody has seemed to agknowledge yet other than the poster.

Gumby

ballistic

Sorry I could not help a little laugh when I read, " YOu ASKED for this. YOU left Jehovah".

I'm laughing, not at your situation which I deeply sympathise with but at your husband. I would pity anyone stuck in that mindset talking like that.

Alone in a house full of people

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