by LovesDubs 17 Replies latest jw friends
YOu ASKED for this. YOU left Jehovah".
Hell yes ballistic......it's all the apostates fault. No matter how many times you tell a dub.....I still love Jehovah and his word.....it falls on deaf ears( my experiance years ago)
We all know the reason though.....".you leave the "truth".........then you leave Jehovah". It's all the same to a braindead dub.
Gumby
Ah, sweetheart. I feel for you. I think everyone is right about seeing an attorney. It doesn't mean you are actually getting a divorce, but you will at least know what your rights are. I am so sorry.
LD,
I totally know how you feel and am eagerly reading your replies. My husband has never been a witness but I know the loneliness. He can be sitting in the same room and the loneliness being with someone who is suppose to be a partner, part of a team, your companion, your mate sits so heavy on your chest. I long to be happy. I long to be loved.
I think if your husband truely loved and respected you he could not use this as an excuse. It is his permission to treat you like crap. It has nothing to do with being a JW, or sort of JW. Try doing the counceling so you know you did your best (even if it is by yourself). If he won't then he does'nt want it fixed he wants you to call it quits because he can't be the bad guy and do it. Sounds like he wants out but does'nt have the balls to do it. If you decide to call it quits have all your ducks in a row first (if you don't already). Get a credit card in just your name and start some credit. Get a checking account in just your name. Do a slow fade and not DA.
I almost wish my husband would hit me, or I could prove he cheated on me...........that I could totally walk away from, but the slow emotional stranglation is killing me. How do you fight back with "Your the only one who thinks somethings wrong" or "That's just your opinion" or "It's just in your head"...............I AM NOT CRAZY!
Please know that you have company in your boat.........you are not alone. Best wishes to you.
Been There (still there)
He doesnt deserve you lovedubs.
Brummie
And best wishes to you, been there. I hope you can find some good resolution soon.
You can't be walked on like this unless you lie down first. Get the hell up and and punch this asshole's lights out
Francois has some good advice here. I know - my husband walked all over me to. It was not until I stood up and said NO MORE!! I gave him 2 choices - divorce or counseling. We opted for counseling with the deal that we'd give it 6 months before we made a decision about our marriage. It was the best thing we ever did - it not only saved our marriage but made us both a lot happier.
So here's my advice. Insist on counseling before you go the divorce route. It may help - and - it just may be the only chance your husband has to "debrief" with a professional about his views and beliefs
Have you ever been carrying a heavy load and as long as you kept moving it didn't all fall down? That is how I remember the secret life you speak of. My In-Laws have never met my family. In fact the JW side acts as if they don't even exist. All they wanted is access to the grandchildren. Time alone with them. (I wonder why.) I spent a year putting the breaks on the "secret" side of it. I stopped participating in it. I said that if all arn't invited then we don't come, meaning defed inlaws worldly hell even the homeless were invited. The JW's never showed if everyone came. They are cowards that way. Slowly the ties were broken. Fear of angering the JW's is very strong and very real. But once it's done it's no big deal. Really the power of the society is only in the mind. They can tell others to turn their backs on you. If they do then they were never your friend in the first place. If your spouce would leave you on a dime if the WT said to then they are not your spouce. And, you should strike first before it is to late. If your spouce would not do that then you need to make your feelings clear and stop playing the game. Players are all that the WT has. The fewer there are the less the power of the cult.
From experience, though not all are the same, I was very similar to you husband in action. I hated going to meetings but thought it was still the truth, that’s where the double life comes in. He may resent the bad light, he perceives, you put him in within his congregation. I was an elder at the time and when your wife leaves the witness’s only one can survive: loyalty to the witness organization or the marriage, both together in the long run are nearly impossible. Both were lost in my case and I don’t miss either now, however it was not always that easy.
If you want to save the marriage tell him you need time with him and do not accept no for an answer. Use any subtle persuasive means you can to keep him away from the meetings (yes you will be playing Satan) he has to stop hearing the mind control reinforcement to see the lies there.
It can workout.
HCM
