Help Elders poking nose in

by Formerbrother 51 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  bildad

  It is interesting that they will likely feel they can ask you questions, and expect you to answer.

  However, if you were to ask them questions regarding one of their beliefs they will not answer. For instance, "if the faithful and discreet slave is guided by Jehovah's Spirit, why do they continually change their beliefs?" or "I feel responsible for misleading people I studied with when I told them that the generation living in 1914 would see Armageddon in their lifetime, was that a Bible teaching or a mistake?"

  They will not directly answer those questions in a satisfactory way. They will repeat FDS are men and not inspired etc. But likely, they will not say that they misled people and affected lives.

  Their discussion will be a one way street.
• 

  ttdtt

  They dont have power over you.
  Just say - Thank them for their concern, but at this time we don't want a visit.
• 

  JW GoneBad

  What to do when elders come poking around:

  Take a lesson from King David at 1Samuel 21:13-15...

  "When David realized that he had been recognized, he panicked, fearing the worst from Achish, king of Gath. So right there, while they were looking at him, he pretended to go crazy, pounding his head on the city gate and foaming at the mouth, spit dripping from his beard. Achish took one look at him and said to his servants, “Can’t you see he’s crazy? Why did you let him in here? Don’t you think I have enough crazy people to put up with as it is without adding another? Get him out of here!”

  If it worked for King David...likely it'll work for you!

  :-) :-)
• 

  jookbeard

  its very easy to make your point and demand these pests stop contacting you, very easy indeed from politely requesting that they do not contact you to threatening legal action if they do, be more pro-active.
• 

  JW GoneBad

  ...David was proactive...okay maybe a little too extreme for your taste...but as jookbeard says...be proactive!
• 

  FedUpJW

  As others have said on this and many other similar posts...you DON'T have to talk to them!

  If the repeated, "It is personal and private issues.." does not shut them down then ask them "What part of NO do you not understand? The "N" or the "O"?

  Remember, just like cops who are practiced liars do whatever it takes to entrap you, the elders CAN and WILL use anything you say to trap you into a JC situation. It's how they feed their ego!
  
• 

  mentalclarity

  I feel like you have to be outright rude sometimes with people who don't get the point. I can see how this might be hard but it's actually a great skill to have because some people out there just don't get the hint/or are downright assholes.

  "Thanks, we'll call you if we feel the need to talk to you" and literally walk away (my elders came hounding to the door). Or hang up the phone. It really is easy once you give up that need to be nice.

  I actually have long discussions with my children about the need to be rude (firm/assertive) sometimes, especially my daughter - sounds counter-intuitive as a parent but it's really not.
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  ShirleyW

  If you're PIMO then it's kind of hard to tell them to just fuck off, if you've been gone for awhile without attending meetings and that's the way you want it tell them to point blank you don't want to meet with them.
• 

  FadeToBlack

  Great advice given. You might need to practice this a bit. Stand in front of a mirror and repeat the following phrase: Thanks but no thanks. I'll give you a call when we think that might be useful.
  
• 

  DesirousOfChange

  DITTO what Morpheus and The Fall Guy have said.

  Your situation seems to be as Shirley states: "it's kind of hard to tell them to just fuck off". So, be polite and appreciative but firm about not meeting with them. You could also add something to the effect of:

  "The last time we met with you in your efforts to help it proved to be very discouraging to my wife and while I know your intent is to help, it was very counterproductive. Thank you for your loving concern and for thinking of us in your prayers, but right now is not the time to sit down together again."