Hello everyone,
I have been lurking around here for quite some time now, posted a few short replies, and engaged in a little chat from time to time. Its almost hard to remember, just a few months back, feeling like I was the only one to live through a JW experience and not be sorry that I am no longer a part of it. I am very happy to have found this site.
I would like to better introduce myself as I have seen several others do.
I was born in '78 to a fanatical JW mother and an unbelieving alcholic father. I find it hard to remember much about my childhood, especially any happy moments. My mother and father fought constantly, untill my mother legally seperated from him when I was around 7 or so. I planned to run away and live with him when I was older. Even though he was dirt poor and abusive, I knew it would be better than living in the organization. Two years later, he passed out drunk in bed with a lit cigarette and that was the end of him.
I was severely depressed as a child, always the quiet one. I felt horrible that I entertained doubts, well, I guess I should say utter hatred, towards the organization. I was forced into baptism at a very young age so as not too look bad because someone else in the congregation was baptised younger. This is when I recieved the only wrapped gift in the first 18 years of my life; a leather bound NWT with my name and baptism date embossed on the front...YEAH!!, just what I had always wanted.
I remember wanting to die at several times. Coming back to school from Christmas break listening to everyone talk about what they had gotten or where they went. Being escorted out of the room for birthdays, refusing valentines, turning down parties, sitting like a fool while everyone paid respect to our great country. Ultimately, when I was caught with a "worldly" girlfriend in my freshman year of high school, I was immediately forced to take home school. This was the start of my "coming out".
Before this I had lived an elaborately constructed "double-life". Model-pioneer-witness to one group of people crazy-badass-druggie to another group. It was evident that one of my personnas had to come to an end and it took no thought to decide which one it would be. I stopped service/meetings/assemblies overnight at 16. df'd at 17 because I got smoking on several occasions (and thats how long it took them to finally drag me in for a meeting). I was swiftly kicked out of the house on my 18th birthday, never to speak a single word with my family since.
Until I stumbled in on this site (looking for WT site to see if their view on end of days was still holding water), this was my dirty little secret. I moved away from my hometown and have never told a soul I was once a witness. I still sweat when someone tells a JW joke or talks about a visit.
I think what sets me apart from most of the people here is that I never made the decision to be a JW. It never seemed like a good idea to me. I have a loathing for the society and everyone in it. Fred this means you!!
Well, there you have it. Dont know why I posted this, but for some reason I've been wanting to do it for some time.