Disfellowshipping Doesn't Sever Family Ties?

by tergiversator 21 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  tergiversator

  "Disfellowshipping does not sever family ties."

  Or so claims the Watchtower's official FAQ. So, I would like to take an informal poll: How has being disfellowshippid/ disassociated/ inactive/ just having doubts affected relations with your family?

  My two bits: my mother and step-father keep in contact for "business" only, although they will be polite if I drop by (a two hour drive) for a short visit once a year or so. Eating meals together is right out. Our ties aren't "severed"... just very, very, very badly frayed.

  I do, however, get on much better with my "worldly" relatives now that I've been going over to their houses for the holidays.

  All right, now it's your turn.

  -T
• 

  think41self

  T-

  All of my extended family, mother, brother,grandmother,aunts, uncles and cousins are Witnesses. Growing up, we were fairly close with the cousins. My mother was undoubtedly my best friend for my adult years from 21 to 35. She adored my children, watched them all the time, her house was their second home. My Dad has never been a witness, but has always been emotionally distant anyway.

  Since my sister left the borg(she left first and that is a WHOLE other story) relationships began to unravel. When I sided with my sister...then was df'd 2 years ago, my mother has grown colder and colder...the phone conversations more stilted and less frequent. She has basically chosen this org. over her only two daughters, and 4 grandkids that she will never be close to again! My Dad just follows along with my Mom, since he never was one to initiate contact anyway. My Aunts, Uncles, cousins and only living grandmother? Haven't heard ONE word from them since I was df'd.

  So yes, I can see where the society gets their info that their policy does NOT sever family ties![8>]

  think41self
• 

  trevor

  tergiversator,

  I have over 50 relatives who are in the tower. Since I left, 15 years ago, voluntarily most of them have ignored me. Recently the other few of the closest relatives have actually written to state their intention to shun me. I have not replied to a single letter.

  The Witnesses claim that they don't break up families. Just one more lie for the record.
• 

  SlayerLayer

  My mother dropped by to see her new grandson, but only stayed for about 20 minutes. She wouldn't leave the kitchen though, because she couldn't bear to see our Christmas tree.

  "Forget the tribe, my pants have spoken."
• 

  Fredhall

  SlayerLayer,

  So get rid of that stupid tree.
• 

  Jimmer

  Get a life Fred!
• 

  thinkers wife

  Since I da'ed myself in June of 2000, my parents have never once called me. I also got married in June of 2000. On the announcement, which was preceded by two letters one explaining my da'ing the other explaining why I was getting married without their knowlege, was my new name address and telephone number. My mother still says she never saw it. Interestingly enough before Mom admitted to "finding" my address and phone number, the elder's from my congregation called and asked to speak with me, the only place they could have gotten the number was from my mother.
  When I call them, they treat me more like an acquaitance than a daughter. My sister-in-law who had a baby in November of 2000 (whom I called to congratulate and ask about the baby), told me her husband my brother does not want to talk to me. My other brother and wife are at Bethel, and I know better than to try to contact them.
  My Uncle has emailed me and pretty much acts normal. The rest of my extended family have not contacted me. Although, I am not sure who knows I am da'ed and who doesn't because my mother is in total denial, and I don't know who she has informed. When I got divorced, she didn't tell anyone even my family. So it is hard to tell.
  I am here to testify, the Society DOES SEVER FAMILY TIES. Just my added voice to those already voicing!!
  TW
• 

  nojw86

  Yep.... its 15 years for us here also. No phone calls, no letters, no visiting, total shunning. Wish they had a chapter in the truth book on what happens when this happens to you. But honestly how many of us would have come in to this cult after reading how family ties are severed, shunning etc. I mean if you are going to publish a book called the ( truth book) add that slimy chapt. nojw
• 

  emyrose

  Hi Tergiversater,

  Only my older sister and myself were JWs in my family. I left first.
  When I unofficially disassociated myself from the organization
  I called my sister who was living in a different state and didn't really get into a deep discussion about why I was leaving. Afterwards, She continued to called me and speak to me as usual. When I would visit
  her she would keep the fact that I was inactive from her congregation.
  I attended some meetings with her with no problem. My relationship
  with her didn't really suffer at all. Perhaps the fact that she was
  attending college for her second degree had something to do with her
  reaction to my disassociation. Maybe a college education makes for a more tolerant reaction and less mind control. She left the org. two years after I did.

  Thanks,
  Emyrose
• 

  JWD

  Here`s a couple of cases which show how the `LOVING` discipline of
  disfellowshipping encourages family unity! (These are the experiences
  of two sisters in Japan )
  Sister `D` sent in a letter of disassociation to the WT.She then talked to her oldest daughter (16 yrs. at the time).The daughter
  thought the mother had been deceived by the non-JW father.Never-the-
  less,since she viewed her mother as an apostate, she refused to eat
  with her,refused to talk to her and refused to let her mother even
  wash her clothes. The mother became desparate and tried to tell the
  daughter why she had chosen to leave the WT.After several months the
  daughter finally turned to the mother and said,and I quote `I`ll
  laugh when Jehovah destroys you at Armageddon !` The daughter then ran away from home.That was 6 years ago.She hasn`t come home since and only sent an occasional post-card so the WT couldn`t be accused of kidnapping.The post-cards stopped after she became 20 and was no longer a `minor`.
  One other sister`s three children all left home after the mother
  sent in a letter of disassociation.They refuse to tell her their new
  address.They said any necessary communication should go thru the elder
  and he will in turn notify them.
  It`s interesting to note that Christ`s words to Judas when he came to
  betray him were `Friend,what have you come to do?`. Christ also said
  that there is nothing special about greeting our brothers,rather in
  order to be truly perfect we must love our enemies. To say that
  shunning is an expression of love is to re-define the meaning of the
  very word love and thus render it meaningless. Re-defining terms is
  a specialty of cults... JWD