I think they did the best they knew how to. However I also believe that since there are tests or courses for other things like work, getting a drivers license etc there should also be a mandatory one for people before they are allowed to have children.
Do You Feel That Your Parents "Did a Good Job" Raising You?
by minimus 51 Replies latest jw friends
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IslandWoman
Como no?
IW
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Sunnygal41
I pretty much agree with Outoftheorg, nobodies fault, cuz they only knew from what their parents taught them. Of course, there are times, like in my sister's and my case, that a cycle is broken. Neither my sister or I have become alcoholics like my dad, and my sister's boys are great kids, even if she doesn't speak to me anymore! I think considering what my mother dealt with she did an awesome job, and I love her and am grateful for the moral code she gave me for a foundation. It has helped me become a very loving and compassionate person in my life.
Terri
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freedom96
Of course I hated the whole witness crap, but I did turn out to be a good guy. So ultimately, I guess they didn't go too wrong.
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Lady Lee
Not at all NO!!!
Actually
Teenyuck
I could write that exactly - word for for except for one change. My mother pushed me into marriage instead of into school. Every other word fits perfect
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happyout
First of all, StinkyPantz, you are cracking me up!
Second, I think given the circumstances, my Mom did a FABULOUS job with us. She raised 5 good kids with a lot of things against her. My dad had substance abuse problems, and couldn't hold a job, her family is full of substance abusers so she couldn't turn to them for help, and she is a teacher, so her salary (while stable) was not the best in the world. Nevertheless, she bought a house in a nice area, bought time shares so we could sometimes go on vacation, and taught us all responsibility and morals. None of her children have been in any trouble, we are very close and love one another immensely, and we are solid citizens with homes and jobs. A lot of the people we were raised with are not doing as well as we are, and it has caused jealousy both inside and outside of the family. My mom, being the loyal dub, attributes everything to being a witness, but I remember even before we started studying, she had a vision that life would be better for her children, and she was training us to go for the best in life. She did not encourage college (she didn't actually speak against it, just encouraged pioneering when the subject of college came up), but she did encourage finding a good job and buying a house.
If I am half the woman my mom is, I will be awesome, because she is PHENOMENAL!
Happyout (who still shero worships her Mom)
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caligirl
Yes, I do. And in return, my wish for them is that they one day deal with the emotional issues that caused them to become witnesses in the first place and can get out and enjoy what is left of their lives.
My mother does feel that she "failed" because none of their children remained witnesses after reaching adulthood. She just is so entrenched that she cannot see that they did not fail at anything . They gave us a loving home, and all the necessities of life. They just unwittingly also raised us to be thinking, independent, smart kids with very active bull**** meters that told us to get the hell out of that twisted organization while we were still young enough to have a full life!
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blacksheep
I think it is a very good question. Having kids myself, I have to say no. (I even thought that before I had kids, now I am certain). To me one of the greatest repsonsibility you have toward your children is teaching them how to be successful in life, including in the social society in which they live. I, like some others here, was clearly told I was an accident--my mother even told me she would never have kids if she had to do it over again. That's just for starters.
My father, who was an alcoholic (non-JW) and pretty much self absorbed, abdicated basically all raising of us to my mother. He didn't believe it, but apparently JWism was good enough for his chidren; an added bennie: he thought it kept us out of drugs and sex...In his heart, he knew it was crap, but he let my mother force us to be a JW. As a JW, of course, my mother made every attempt to isolate us from normal, healthy society, and in fact, constantly instilled in us how the world was going to be destroyed any day now, so why bother trying to be "successful" in this system of things. How can that be healthy??? How can ANYONE condone raising a child in that way.
And then, when I and my sibling finally said we did not intend to be witnesses, we were told we were grave disappointments... Ugh!
Don't get me wrong. I know I'm not a perfect parent. But, god, I've got to be better than that. I hope to raise my children to have choices, to be able to critically analyze decisions and POVs, and to try to achieve their goals and have a healthy sense of belonging.
I don't think my parents did that. I think I have forgiven them at some level, and of course I love them. But I think they get about a D+ in the parent department...
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teenyuck
I hate these kinds of questions because I sound like a whiny brat.
My mom told my sister and I we were "milstones" around her neck. Too many times. She berated us for any misdeed, real or imagined. Her agenda was to find husbands for us. When my sister ran away she realized she might have to *support* me the rest of my life and I would be a "leech" living off of her.
She did so many things wrong and bad it would take page to type out.
Bottom line, one of the reasons I don't have kids, besides medical, is in the back of my mind, I have my mother yelling at me and calling me names. I might do that to a child. I learned that.
My father was absent for much from about age 10 til recently-then he died.
My mom admitted on the phone on day she was a bad mother....she expected me to say "no you weren't". I could not. I said "Yes, you were a bad mother. You should not have had children."
We cannot discuss things. She denies, then recants, says yes, that did happen, but she was depressed and mentally ill, so how can I hold her responsible for what she did?
How? Very easily.
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ballistic
I had a father die without blood, who I feel raised me well, followed at age 13 by an idiot. Yeah, amazingly I think I turned out OK. And I love my mother.