Trouble dealing with life as an ex-JW

by YellowLab 16 Replies latest jw friends

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  freein89

  Of course you have problems dealing with life on the outside. If you were raised "in" like I was, how in the HECK do we know how. I have often described it like having amnesia, you have no past. What descision did we ever have to make, everything was decided for us, everything. It gets better and you have to build a new past. The longer you are out, the more past you have.

  Try meds-works for me, try therapy-wish I had. It gets better and you get less freaked out as you go along, share with new friends, they will help you adjust and be incredibly understanding.

  I tried a whole bunch of religions, just because I could, didn't find one but learned alot. When I was a poor little JW kid, I always wanted to be a Catholic, I thought all the pomp and circumstance would be cool. They seemed so normal to me. I went to a Catholic church a few times and it was sorta cool. But I didn't keep it up.

  I have a pretty funny bumper sticker guide to world religion that a professor gave me, pretty funny but I don't know how to put it in, I have a friend with a scanner if that would help, any suggestions?

  Hang in there and don't make any major life decisions for a while, come here often, it helps alot, we all understand.

  If you have specific questions, ask them, my guess is that no matter the question, somebody here has been there and has a suggestion.

  You will probably go through the stages of grief, sorta like somebody died, check those out, if anybody has the list, maybe you could post it.

  Don't rush yourself and do be good to you, do what feels good (wink, wink).

  Don't drown yourself in booze, it doesn't help-okay a little drinky once in a while won't hurt. But don't medicate with it.

  Do you remember the old Mission Impossible Song? Hum it now: Your Mission is to become a real person and should you be caught or killed we will NOT disavow any knowlege of your actions-Good Luck Jim.
• 

  Fire Dragon

  Seven months before I left the JWs I wanted to commit suicide. I finally got the help I needed and yes, I took antidepressants. Not only that, I had to be put on an antianxiety drug and an antipsychotic. Once I left the dubs I was taken off of all the meds except the lowest dosage of antidepressant...Paxil. I am still on it today and have been away from the dubs for about a year and a half. It isn't unusual to have to stay on an antidepressant for a while...maybe a couple of years. I do still suffer from occasional feelings of inadequacy and low self esteem. The dubs doctrines and badgering run deep...especially if you were raised in the organization. You are not alone. Try the meds for a while and see how you feel. Good luck! Fire Dragon
• 

  rekless

  I never suffered from depression, but low self esteme was a great problem. I grew a beard and long hair my personality went 180 degrees. I speak my mind now and my self esteme has risen to an all time high.
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  jgnat

  This is a completely flippant response, so please take it in the spirit it is given... A haircut in January cures my winter blues. Cheaper than therapy, I tell my hairdresser.
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  outnfree

  LOL @ jgnat, but here's a completely non-flippant response.

  I am just (finally, after it having been recommended to me by various posters on this site) reading "The True Believer" by Eric Hoffer. Seeing as you are suffering grief/loss over the departure from the religion, feeling depressed and a bit adrift, I thought you might be interested in the following:

  ... a mass movement ... appeals not to those intent on bolstering and advancing a cherished self, but to those who crave to be rid of an unwanted self. A mass movement attract and holds a following ... because it can satisfy the passion for self-renunciation.

  People who see their lives as irremediably spoiled cannot find a worth-while purpose in self-advancement. ... They look on self-interest as on something tainted and evil; something unclean and unlucky. Anything undertaken under the auspices of the self seems to them foredoomed. Nothing that has its roots and reasons in the self can be good and noble.

  I think that one of the reasons ex-JWs have such a hard-time feeling good about themselves is the intense conditioning we underwent while in the organization telling us that we didn't matter individually, that we were only "good-for-nothing-slaves doing what we ought to be doing", that what we were doing wasn't enough, and that we should renounce our individual desires and aspirations and talents for the "greater good" of sharing "the kingdom good news."

  Now out, it takes time to allow ourselves to do things FOR ourselves, to discover who we really are, what talents we might have, to find something personal to aspire to (rather than something collective.)

  I agree with most posting here that you should get therapy and anti-depressants in concert for a time until you feel more content and confident with your life outside the Borg.

  Good luck!

  outnfree
• 

  DanTheMan

  I have been working with a counselor over the past several months and it has been a tremendous help for me. But he was the third guy I saw, the first two didn't gel. So if things aren't clicking with whoever you're seeing, don't be afraid to try somebody else.

  I understand your feelings, it is depressing to realize that the "drama" that you thought you were part of was purely imaginary, and that on the whole our individual lives don't mean that much. The universe seems pretty indifferent to our plight!

  Keep your chin up (trite advice I know).
• 

  caligirl

  Hang in there, it does get better.

  For what it's worth, I am on an anti-depressant and a medication to treat panic disorder. Both have done absolute wonders for me. It is a relief to not feel like I am having a heart attack on a daily basis! I fully intend to add the therapy portion as well. It is my understanding that the combination of the two can work wonders.

  I had to get past the idea that taking the meds was some kind of surrender - as if it was an admission that I cannot handle life, but came to realize after I recognized how much better I felt once I started taking them that it is not a weakness on my part, or an inability to handle life. It is a correctable chemical imbalance.

  It may take a little experimenting for your doctor to find the appropriate medication for you since there are so many. Everyone is different as to what works for their individual body chemistry. I would suggest that if your doctor feels that it will benefit you, go for it. You may find that it makes a tremendous difference in your outlook and how you feel every day. I know it made a night and day difference for me.

  Good luck to you!