Welcome Euphemism and Piph! (were actually very big on euphemisms and epiphanys around here) Jump right in.
Delurk
by Euphemism 50 Replies latest jw friends
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hurt
Welcome both of ya. And be ready for some real Christian love; from the other side that is. Here,you can find some, the kind everyone understands.
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Piph
be ready for some real Christian love; from the other side that is. Here,you can find some, the kind everyone understands.
I'm gonna need it! Thank you so much.
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Euphemism
Hey sweetie! Glad you made it here.
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SheilaM
WELCOME
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ashitaka
Wow, dude. You have a lot ahead of you, but my wife and I both left the JWs together, and I can say that a slow fade is possible. Hell, it's even possible to get your entire family to leave the JWs as long as you don't attack the JWs. You have to be subtle and patient. That's the key. It's about dropping little morsels of truth on their platter, and hoping there's one that will stick. If there is an event that is 'faith-shattering' to them, then be supportive, but don't seem like you're capitalizing on it. Remember, patience is the key.
Good luck.
ash
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Piph
Hey sweetie! Glad you made it here.
It's great to be here! I'm having a great time looking around...
You have a lot ahead of you, but my wife and I both left the JWs together, and I can say that a slow fade is possible. Hell, it's even possible to get your entire family to leave the JWs as long as you don't attack the JWs. You have to be subtle and patient. That's the key. It's about dropping little morsels of truth on their platter, and hoping there's one that will stick. If there is an event that is 'faith-shattering' to them, then be supportive, but don't seem like you're capitalizing on it. Remember, patience is the key.
Thank you for that advice. Hope springs eternal, but I won't get my hopes up. Fading away is, of course, ideal. I have a DF'd relative Euph and I are planning on moving near to eventually, and that will be good for me. I met her recently, and she's a very interesting and spiritual person.
My mom already tends to look up to me in many ways...I've kind of been an emotional guide to her in some ways the past few years. Kind of sad, but true. I think just knowing that I want to leave will be incredibly faith-shattering to her in itself. Same with all my close friends. A lot of young girls in my congregation look up to me and I'm afraid that they will feel betrayed by me. I really am afraid of hurting people, because I love them all so much.
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ashitaka
I really am afraid of hurting people, because I love them all so much.
I was there, dude, and you know what? You find out how they really feel about you when you start to leave the JWs. When I left, I realised that their 'love' was entirely conditional, and that there was nothing that I could do or say as an 'outsider' that they would care to hear. Some people even said that they would be happy with me just pretending to be a JW. That's when you know you're in a bad organization, when people are even willing for you to lie so that their consciences can be sated.
Care for your family, and work the slow fade, but trying to keep your friends? I have a feeling it's going to be a rough road for you. Try joining a club, or finding some friends outside of the Kingdom hall. And, just don't try to find only ex-JW friends. They help, for sure, but finding some well-rounded, (in your case) spiritual yet "worldly" people who share common interests would be the best thing for you and your new wife. They can be a listening ear when the JW times get rough (and they will), and 'wordly people' can have fun without always mentioning a watchtower magazine, service or interjecting some other doctrine into every fun time.
And, unfortunately, you are going to have to expect some people to leave your life, betray you. But, in the end, living your life without fear and control is worth every hard time you will go through.
ash
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Princess
Welcome to you both!
You find out how they really feel about you when you start to leave the JWs. When I left, I realised that their 'love' was entirely conditional, and that there was nothing that I could do or say as an 'outsider' that they would care to hear.
Fading is ideal for some, especially those with family still in. We managed it but the elders came after us after almost seven years of no dub activity. We were unable to keep any of our witness friends as soon as we quit attending and as Ashi said above, you realize that their love was conditional. It's hard to deal with at first but when you start making x-jw and non-jw friends who care for you unconditionally, you realize that you didn't have much in the way of friends before anyway.
Rachel
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Mulan
Wow, that is quite a story. I feel for your fiancee, but ultimately you just cannot live a lie. We all just faded away...............so maybe that will work for her too, and make the family just think she is weak.
If you relocate, that is the easiest solution.
Welcome!!!!!! Hope we can meet one day.