CONFESSIONS TO ELDERS ARE DANGEROUS

by Dansk 20 Replies latest jw friends

  • Dansk
    Dansk

    I can honestly say I never trusted the elders in my congregation; there wasn’t a single one of them that I thought would be of any use what-so-ever in helping with a problem. On the contrary, whenever I HAD to speak to an elder, I invariably felt worse afterwards!

    This brings me to the point of this post. Whilst accepting that there are undoubtedly some elders somewhere who are sincere in their desire to be of help, when I was a JW I often thought about those that may have left the organisation - and especially those that have since been found out to be plain obnoxious in life.

    Imagine such a person had been an elder on a judicial committee and the case involved details of an extremely intimate and/or highly sensitive or embarrassing nature. That person, now no longer in the "privileged" position of elder, possesses information that could be extremely damaging. I’ve never felt comfortable about this and can imagine many potentially heart-breaking scenarios resulting. It’s also no secret that some elders’ wives know as much about what took place in JCs as the elders themselves!

    We had one case in our hall concerning an attractive married sister who had spent the night in a hotel with another sister’s husband. Gossip abounded and I could imagine certain elders salivating at the thought of getting to be on the JC. In fact, the case was so juicy one could have sold tickets easily!! One elder gave me information about the case that I had no right hear – but which I couldn’t report I’d heard because of the closed-ranks mentality of the body (his father was the PO). He thoroughly enjoyed reciting the details of what took place in the hotel room.

    I know there are a number of ex-elders on this forum who would never dream of revealing what they know, but the others are potentially dangerous. Here’s another reason why one’s "sins" should never be confessed to a group of men.

    Dansk

  • Prisca
    Prisca
    Imagine such a person had been an elder on a judicial committee and the case involved details of an extremely intimate and/or highly sensitive or embarrassing nature. That person, now no longer in the "privileged" position of elder, possesses information that could be extremely damaging.

    Good point, I hadn't thought about that before.

    It’s also no secret that some elders’ wives know as much about what took place in JCs as the elders themselves!

    I'm glad you said "some". Not all elders wives are gossipers - sisters in my old childhood cong would come up to my mother, assuming she knew what was going on in the congregation. They knew than what she did - because my father never rattled. Even years after, he refused to divulge information about JCs.

  • refiners fire
    refiners fire

    My old man used to brag about the confessions he heard. If they were the confessions of a randy young sister he used to sweat and lick his lips a lot while recounting the details.

  • Latte
    Latte

    Dansk,

    In all my years in this cult, I find it strange that I never felt the desire or inclination to 'spill my guts' to an elder. I guess that I knew that I would feel just like you.....worse after!! Kinda tells me something....

    whenever I HAD to speak to an elder, I invariably felt worse afterwards!
  • Dansk
    Dansk

    Refiner,

    My old man used to brag about the confessions he heard. If they were the confessions of a randy young sister he used to sweat and lick his lips a lot while recounting the details.

    Exactly! And how many more elders were doing likewise, I wonder? And who else did they tell?!

    Latte,

    In all my years in this cult, I find it strange that I never felt the desire or inclination to 'spill my guts' to an elder.

    Knowing how lovely you are personally, I have absolutely no doubt the elders would have been queuing up to hear your juicy bits! I also know that any details regarding your hubby would have been eagerly sought, too!

    Dansk

  • RAYZORBLADE
    RAYZORBLADE

    I can just imagine, if ... if ever any details of my meet-up with the elders went beyond the walls of the meeting.

    I didn't give intimate details. It was short n' sweet, with "YES" and "NO" answers.

    Of course I was unrepentant, but it wasn't a JC as such. They had no idea why I was meeting up with them, so we went to one of the elder's homes to his study area, and with 3 or 4 other elders present, I told them what the 'sin' was, but NOT the details.

    To this day, I do not know if I was DF'd/DA'd etc., because they did not have my mailing address or telephone number, I never met up with them since that meeting. Yadda-yadda...but Dansk, I never really looked at it that way before.

    But you are correct. I do recall many sisters having information that they should have not been privy to. But they seemed fit to share. Elders' wives mostly.

    Makes one wonder now doesn't it?

  • Latte
    Latte

    Aawww Dansk...thank you for being so sweet!

    I also know that any details regarding your hubby would have been eagerly sought, too!

    Ohhh....I threatened! lol 'I'll tell the elders!' You must clean up the garden! How can you be a MS if you aren't helping in the home?!!'

    ...I knew that my hubby for all his untidyness...was far better than a lot of the elders ever could be.

    The best have left.

  • ChrisVance
    ChrisVance

    My former wife talked to the district overseer about a problem she was having. He told her to talk to brother so and so in a neighboring congregation because most elders tell their wives too much, but this particular elder didn't, according to the DO.

  • Dansk
    Dansk

    Interesting, CV:

    He told her to talk to brother so and so in a neighboring congregation because most elders tell their wives too much, but this particular elder didn't, according to the DO.

    If the DO was so sure about this why didn't he remove the elders from your ex-wife's congregation?!

    Dansk

  • anglise
    anglise

    Hi Dansk

    good to see you back and posting. From the time we came into the org this idea of confessing to elders was something we found distrubing to say the least. Our reasoning was the same as yours 'what happens if they are DA or DF of even just 'step down'?

    We never told anyone anything of any personal significance. Other half was an elder when we left and had been on a couple of JC's which he hated, but was totally discreet about any details.

    Having said that as an elders wife I found many would tell you these private things anyway even when the elders didnt know so we to had to keep quiet!! I often used to ask if they wanted the info passed on to my husband and if not I respected that although sometimes it was an easy way for them to broach a personal problem with an elder.

    So between us we know a lot of things about a lot of people including local PO's and other elders!! Maybe thats why no one has come to see us and we are not DA or DF.

    Anglise

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