Facing some answers

JenGill97

I have not been in contact with my father in quite some time and I need to call him. You see he has the answers to some questions I need to know. For example, when he found out about my child abuse, did he report it to the elders? I went through a summer of counceling and it came down to this. Since then, I have needed to call and talk to my father but I am terrified of his answer. You see, if he didn't call them, that means he did nothing when he found out his daughter had been molested. He will have failed as my father. I don't know if I could handle that kind of disappointment. However, I am hiding from him by not calling.

I don't know what to do.

Jen :(

sandy

JenGill97,

I do not know all the circumstances but I really think you should ask your father if he knew? If you don',t you know that it is just going to keep eating you up inside.

Do you think he knew? What is it that is making you wonder?

cruzanheart

Take it slow, JenGill97. You don't have to cover everything in one visit or telephone call. Go at your own pace and don't do anything that makes you scared or uncomfortable. The time for that is past. And with child abuse in your past I can almost guarantee you'll need more than a summer of therapy! That's tough stuff, cookie. But you're in the right place for help, encouragement, opinions, and support.

Love,
Nina

jgnat

Jen, you might want to look up some of the ways that Jesika has communicated with her dysfunctional family. I find Jesika's approach very healthy. She takes responsibility for her feelings and behavior, and is realistic on what she can expect from her parents.

http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/6/47151/1.ashx

It is a good thing to try and get answers from our parents. It holds the potential for much healing. But what if they don't want to participate in our recovery? We have to be prepared for disappointment, and how we will react if they do.

outnfree

How heartbreaking, JenGill! I am so sorry for your pain. However, what I am going to say next may seem unkind:

Your father already failed you when he did not report to the police. (I am assuming that he did not do so, otherwise the elder-thing would be a moot point.) Any normal daddy would have called the police (before or AFTER he took a baseball bat to the perv's head.)

On some level you know this. In my opinion, in your need to feel loved you are willing to let your dad off the hook somewhat if he "at least" told the elders. You are right to be disappointed. It is a valid emotion. Parents are supposed to protect. Where was mom in all of this?

outnfree

sandy

I am sorry Jengill. I read your post but did not comprehend what you wrote.

Do you think your dad reported it? How old were you at the time of the abuse?

If there is any question about him reporting it or not I think you should ask him.

sandy

JenGill,

outnfree made a very good point. It is a hard thing to swallow when parents do not protect you like they should. You grow up thinking that is normal behavior. And you have low expectations from every relationship you get into when you do not get the help and support you need.

I am glad to hear you are in therapy. It has done me a world of good and I know it will do the same for you.

JenGill97

Thank you all very much for the kind words. I was ten when the abuse occurred by an uncle while on a camping trip. Both families were involved in the Borg.

You are right and I just didn't think of it this way: My dad already failed me. And because I am a parent now myself, I think this is the most disappointed I am in both of my parents. It should be noted it was his brother that did the abusing. My mom was in the picture, but mostly only physically. She sustained tremendous sexual child abuse at the hands of an elder and as a result suffers from multiple personalities. Unfortunatly this didn't surface for many years after my abuse. She tells me the personality who was living her life at the time chose to let my dad handle things because her personality "Patsy" is the good JW wife and always took second to my father and whatever he decided is what they did. And obviously he decided to do nothing.

It is upsetting when you find as an adult that your parents failed you as a child. I have forgiven my mother but because my father chooses to not to be a part of my life, I haven't had the opportunity to forgive him. Maybe in the future I can, but not now. I have really been thinking of writing him a letter. I think I may do that.

I asked my husband not to long ago, what if someone did to our daughter what my uncle did to me, what would you do. He said probably be brought up on murder charges. I love my husband.

Jen :)

badolputtytat

Having been through this exact thing (except the abuse was male on male with an uncle) I definitely understand your frustration.

I too confronted my father and the elders. I was given all the same responses we have read about in these posts. Their rehearsed answers are devastating for one reason: They refuse to accept any responsibility. (read their "secret" book Pay attention to Yourselves and Your Flock. posted on the net in it's entirety...Just search the title)

Part of what you feel is because (pardon my assumption) there is no closure for you in their answers. There is a "no apology, no regret" attitude about this subject (and others). "leave it to Jehovah". I think what victims of this abuse seek most... is an apology. An admission that someone should have done somehting. It may sound harsh, but the sad truth is, you will never have a sincere apology.

As the world is educated about the trappings of this cult, we will be seeing more and more that they are held accountable by society for these horrible things. Be patient. Be strong. Dont be afraid to say outloud to your father.... "you should have stopped this, you should have done something about it". As long as you keep this inside, it will only do more damage. Write a ten page letter to the WTBTS, and tell them what this has done to you. Be blunt, but polite. There is enough information on this site to help you say what you want to say. Force them to at least see and hear you. Don't expect anything FROM them, other than re-hearsed speeches and scriptures taken out of context.

Something will happen soon. Speculation is pointless. But I have a very STRONG feeling. We all know about the full assault on them on the front-lines right now... they are being put in a light for the world to see.... but in the end this will only make them more secretive. Under this identity I can tell you that things are happening internally in the organization. It is far from over. In the very near future I will be posting some interesting "findings". Who am I? Bond. James Bond. I am the new bug in the system. I am the new wrench in the works. I have turned my anger to more.... useful things... Like leaving this organization in a smoldering pile of rubble. But that will come soon enough.

Until then. I sympathize. You are a strong person with great courage for surviving this.

Francois

Since he's shunning you in favor of a religious cult, he's failing you as a father now. What's another failure once he's started down that slippery slope? He's a failure as a father. There are no degrees to that in my mind, he's either a failure or he's not. Go ahead and ask him. Do it in a letter if that makes you feel better.

Facing some answers

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