Jen a couple of points to think about. I am not in any way suggesting these are the right way for people to deal with this but they are important to think about and perhaps ask if you do go to your father
Some people believe that going to the police after a child discloses abuse only harms the child. They hate the thought of their child having to talk to strangers and maybe sit in court and tell what happened.
Others feel conflicted especially if family is involved as is the case with your father if it was his brother involved. Because they have no idea how to handle it they do nothing
If your father was also abused as a child (it happens) he may have been frozen so to speak just as he might have been as a child and not known what to do
He might have worried about what the neighbors will think
he might have confronted your uncle himself without your knowledge
other reasons
It might hurt to know he did nothing but then it begs the question WHY? And then the question for you is can you handle the WHY answer.
Anyone wanna place bets on whether this response show up?
"Well, I'm not perfect you know..."
When I was about kindergarten age I was sexually abused by two of my female cousins who were living with us. My parents thought they were doing the right thing and as I would imagine that these two cousins of mine were also sexualized at a very young age, my parents hadn't a clue, and so it went. Eventually you can only hear "I'm sorry, I'm not perfect, I did the best I could...blah blah blah Jehovah knows where my heart is.." and you have to decide if you want to forgive them and get on with, or just not have anything to do with them. Hard choices to make, but its the only way you can stay sane. Trust me...I know. Best of luck and let us know how it goes.
My father is not shunning me because of the Borg - he is disfellowshipped. He is not choosing to be a part of me and my family's life because he is ashamed of cheating on my mother when they were married. He can't get over his shame and face his children.
He was also a victim of abuse and I too have wondered what I would have done were I in the same situation and it was a sibling that had abused one of my own children. I would confront my sibling, but only after extensive couseling with a professional and that professional would be required by law to report it. Takes it out of my hands, but that is a good way to handle it with family. I know that if it were true, my immediate family is more important to me than my extended family. I have to, I am required to protect my children ---FROM ANYONE! even family.
It is pretty cut and dry for me - and this is something positive that has come out of this healing process: I know what I would do if this situation arose (God forbid!) and I was faced with this decision. It is my responsibility as a parent to protect my children and I will do it with every breath in my body.
I am beginning to wonder if there is any family A.N.Y. F.A.M.I.L.Y. out there that has not been affected in one way or another by child sexual abuse. It seems like such a common occurrence. Almost anyone I ask says they have had it either in their immediate family, or close relatives such as first cousins.
Then people join the JWs thinking it is a safe haven -- a "paradise" -- yeah right! I think children will be safer in generations to come if ALL parents (regardless of religion) realize it's THEIR responsibility to protect their children. Then we wont have this problem of grown-ups seeking "closure" because our parents failed us.
I got an email with some questions that maybe I should clarify. My father knew of the abuse because I told him. And I was not alone. Two other family members also told (for a total of 3 young women in the same circle of family molested by this man.) He had direct knowledge - his choice was to do nothing. I think this is the nature of his family: Just don't talk about it again and it will go away.
Unfortunately, it won't go away. It will never go away. But I will learn from it, heal and take with it the knowledge that it stops with me. My hands are tied in some sense becasue I can't do anything legally. I have filed a police report of my on in the county where the incident took place. Nothing happened. I called Children't Services and their response was "Why are you doing something now? It's kind of late isn't it?" IDIOTS... !
Needless to say, I keep hitting walls. This confrontation with my father is something I just keep putting off because I know my heart will be broken. Who wants to knowingly let their father break their heart. I'm not stupid. I know it will hurt. But I also know that the information is necessary for me to find closure: it's my last unaswered question. The only other thing I could do is confront my abuser. I refuse to put myself through that - he will deny and he will lie.
I gain strength daily from the support of my husband and children. I will survive - I have survived.
