I also think my JC had made up their minds to df me before we ever talked. I, too, was in an abusive marriage (see a common thread here?). Actually this was my second alcoholic, mentally abusive marriage. I had stuck both marriages out for 10 years but was sick of the absentee husband.
I found a listening ear of a man at work. Separated from my husband and filed for divorce. The JC knew I was separated and seeking a divorce and was told (hear-say) that I had a BF at work by the time I had requested an audience [with the great and wonderful OZ]. Yes, you read that right--I called the 'confession session'. I spilled my guts and they questioned me about what my intent was from this point forward...was I going to continue this relationship?
I answered that I cared for this man, perhaps even 'loved' him and I wasn't really sure what I was going to do (except put some distance between us so as not to continue a sexual relationship).
Well, THAT was the kiss of death. They sent me out of the room. I literally waited in the hallway like a bully outside the principal's office. Fifteen minutes later (after they had time to discuss my situation, pray to Jehovah and receive His answer--Gosh He's fast!) they called me back in and told me that they had decided to disfellowship me. I didn't hear much after that. My 'theocratic life' was too busy flashing in front of me.
Basically I had been mentally abused by two alcoholic husbands, had raised three children in the truth and had tried to stay loyal to this religion. I was raised by zealot parents, 3rd generation witnesses, with mental abuse and a lack of love and affection. The only 'worth' that I had found was in my new lover's eyes. Now, after all the abuse in my life, I was getting put out of the 'club' because they didn't want to deal with the REAL issues in my life. I was abused by almost everyone in my life, and they were in essence, continuing the abuse rather than displaying Christ-like love and forgiveness.
That was pretty much it. 15 minutes and it was all over with. I remember going to my car and crying so hard I could hardly drive. That was 3 years ago.
Then...the anger and resentment sets in. I actually went back to most of the meetings, on a regular basis, attempting to get back into the 'club'. I wrote a letter last year requesting to meet with 'my' committee to discuss reinstatement. They put me off for about 6 weeks (so much for swift justice, huh?) then finally meet with me. (Why can they suddenly speak to me? And so 'nicely' at that?)
This time they said that I didn't attend enough meetings. As if meeting attendance was more important than my confession and heartfelt effort to to the right thing. Would you believe one of the elders actually [sort-of] kept record of all of the meetings I attended? I did too but didn't actually calculate what percentage it was until I'd left the committee meeting. He figured it to be at 35%, It was actually closer to 55% of the time. Since Witnesses are such mathmatical statatitions, I would have SURELY been reinstated had he done his calculation correctly. ;) But what do you expect from a High School graduate of public schools?
That was last year. I walked out of that meeting, not sad, but MAD. I thought "You'll never freaking see me at a meeting". That will be easier for you to calculate! I've actually been back a few times, but only on Sundays and only when accompanied by either my son (16 yrs) or my daughter (11 yrs).
They're both getting to the point that they don't want to go back (haven't had enough brainwashing yet). Even when they did accompany me, it was if they too had leprosy. Not many people talked to them. So they got sick of the cold shoulder and felt that they weren't welcome either.
I was confused for a long time but I'm seeing the *real* light more and more. And I wondered why a bright, intelligent woman never saw all of the propaganda before. Sometimes "you can't see the forest for the trees"--sometimes you're just too immersed to see it or care. It's kinda' what they say about all of the 'worldly' people and how Satan keeps them so pre-occupied with every-day mundane things/problems that they don't have time to investigate their religion. My [old] religion kept me so busy going to meetings, assemblies, conventions, reading endless books and magazines, preparing and going door-to-door bothering people, that you don't really have time to make sure what you're being taught is really from the Bible or just some re-gurgitated retoric that's been spouted for years, through your relatives' generations.
I think the df'ing belief is one of the many ways the religion controls it's club members, and it is NOT what Christ intended nor implied in ANY of his teachings. If that's wrong--what else is wrong?
Question Everything!
What-now?