*begin jaws music*
Yesterday I got visited by the Dubs! Good grief!
First some background: Some colleagues of mine live in the same block of flats (apartments) as I do, and one of them phoned me at about 6.30PM to tell me that the TV License inspectors were coming round and checking for licenses etc. (In South Africa you have to have a license to watch TV, which sucks considering the fact that the only quality programming on our 4 stations is from...you guessed it...AMERICA!) At this point in time I was busy making dinner too, which is a bit of a harried time of the day as it can burn easily if it's not watched etc.
So there I was, waiting to put the potatoes in the oven, when I heard the doorbell ring. I thought it would be the TV License inspector guy, so I answered the door. Standing there were 3 people (unusual already, since usually only 2 people do license inspections), two Sisters and a Brother. They were carrying bookbags, but I was under the impression that they were just inspectors, so I was VERY confused when the woman who had rung my doorbell said, (and I quote verbatim):
"I'd like to ask you a question, sir."
"A question about what?"
"If you could change anything in the world, what would it be?"
Now, it was pretty obvious by this point that these people were NOT license inspectors. Suddenly, to my astonishment, I realized that they were DUBS! You could've knocked me over with a feather at this point! Sensing an unequaled opportunity for some Apostate fun, I invited them in. My roommate's eyes just wided when he saw these three people with their bookbags sitting down on the couch (he was busy doing some programming in the same room). So they started chatting with me.
Within the space of the next five minutes, the actual TV License inspector arrived, which meant I had to get up and show him the license, and I had to put all the food on the oven etc, which meant that I closely resembled a large bird that had been attacked with a vacuum cleaner when I sat down again to chat with the Witnesses. The Sister who did most of the talking was fairly young, maybe only a couple of years older than me, and she had a very earnest expression on her face (I guess they don't get invited in very often - I know that hardly ever happened to moi when I went out in the Field). Sitting to her left was an even younger Sister, who bore a striking resemblance to my own younger sister, down the details of the "sensible" leather skirt and "sensible" shoes (and "sensible" jersey, sheesh!). Sitting on my right was a Brother who I guessed must also have been very similiar in age to me. AHA I thought, I can relate to these guys! Or so I thought The "Truth" was that we were, all of us, like Yin and Yang, complete opposites. They were fanatical, and I was skeptical
The questions continued. The Sister (who was being very un-subservient, I might add...NAUGHTY NAUGHTY NAUGHTY!), asked me things like whether I would like to live in a Paradise. I said "Of course!", and then she whipped out her little NWT and started quoting Scriptures. So then I asked her when they thought Armageddon was coming.
Naturally, all Dubs can detect code-words like Armageddon instantly (hehe), so the Brother said, "You seem to know a lot about our religion," and since I obviously didn't want to give the game away (OMG I am so EVIL! MWUAHHAH!), I just said that I had studied many religions, and that theirs was an "interesting" example of a modern Christian Fundamentalist Sect. Now, when I said that, all three of them huffed up like tomcats seeing a ghost or something (LOL, the reaction was actually visible, I think the hair on the back of one Sister's neck actually stood up briefly), and the Sister said they weren't a Sect, to which I responded, you still haven't told me when you think Armageddon is going to happen!
She then turned to Matthew 24.14. This was her first, and most critical mistake. Any Apostate knows how to refute THAT one! Actually I turned to it - by this point I had already grabbed her Bible and was looking up Scriptures for them, since I could do it faster (LMFAO, that's one skill I'll never unlearn...). So I read it out, and she went on to say that that was the Prophecy they used to determine when the end would come. So I asked, who are the people preaching this Good News? She said, "We are, the Jehovah's Witnesses", and then I said, "So what do you guys plan to do about the 1 billion people in China?"
*cue blank stares from all 3 Dubs*
The Brother started talking first, saying, "Well, our work is banned in China." I said, "I know!" Then he said, only Jehovah can judge the heart etc., you know, the usual inconsequential drivel all Witnesses must spout when faced with this very important question, so I said, "So all those people are going to die then?"
"No no no no!" the Sister said (she was adamant on this point). Then I said, "So why aren't they going to die?" She was puzzled, then said, "Because only Jehovah can read the heart!"
"But your own literature states that those who don't convert to your faith will perish at Armageddon!"
"But good-hearted people will survive the end!"
"So then what's the point of witnessing to them?"
The Brother could see that this line of reasoning was heading in an undesirable direction(LOL), so he said that there were also more earthquakes now, as explained in another Bible verse. Now, I'm no authority on this topic, and in fact will be doing some research (BTW, if anyone here can point me to some solid websites on this topic, it would be much appreciated). All I could think of to say was that since 1914, we'd actually been going through a bit of a quiet spot, considering the world's largest recorded siesmic event, the eruption of Krakatoa, had happened in the 19th century. He had no answer to this (was I wrong? I don't know, I was just pulling straws at this point).
Another thing I asked was was they weren't helping the world's poor by donating them food etc, like the Catholic Church, to which the Sister replied that they did help the poor by preaching the Good News of the Kingdom, so I said, "So, instead of food, you're giving them magazines?" "Oh no, we're giving them the hope of everlasting life!" "But, in the interim, while they're dreaming about everlasting life, they're starving?" No response to that one!
I think I might have tipped them off when the Brother pulled out the Reasoning Book, and I said something like, "Ah, I see you guys brought the heavy artillery," which got them all laughing, and the Brother gave me a sharp look. So maybe they know what I really am On a side note, the leading Sister (she MUST have been a Pioneer) had quite an astonishing bookbag. It was like a tank! Damn, my old bookbag would have been an accessory for this monstrosity! You could use it to put your tent in when camping and still have space for some pots and pans! LMAO!
Well, at this point, just when things started getting juicy, the Sister said, "We believe that the Bible is inspired, and we try and lead good lives according to the Bible."
To which I replied, "Well, Muslim people believe the same things about the Koran. So, who is more right, you or the Muslims?" (ouch)
"But only the Bible is inspired." (double ouch)
"So is the Koran. (triple ouch!!!) Many religious books are considered "inspired". So how are you guys different from the rest of the pack?"
No answer to that one, either, just some burbling about the fulfillment of prophecies (which I know is hogwash, but have to do solid research and not just light reading to prove to them!), then I had to finish dinner, so I shooed them out in the gentlest way possible. The Sister had been so heavily engaged with me that she even forgot to try and place anything with me! Now, if that isn't shocking, nothing is! To her credit, she did try and make a final attempt right before they left, though, but I just waved away the offer and said, "Bring it with you next time!"
Now, at this point, one of two things can happen, since I did actually ask them to return next week.
1. They'll come back, but the earnest Sister will bring with an Elder or somesuch, in order to answer my "questions".
2. They won't come back, having sensed that I am waaaaaaaay ahead of them when it comes to arguing about doctrine.
Either way, my roommate (who knows all about my history and such) was trying very hard not to stifle his laughter the whole time. Admittedly, my counter-punches and blocking fists were not as deft as they could have been, but then again, it's not like I've had much practice!!!!
Anyone have any suggestions for "topics" for the next time they come back (if they do?) I think they will - it's bloody cold here right now, and any Publisher worth his salt loves spending an hour in a warm flat debating Dub doctrine and trying to prove to him or herself that what they believe is actually believable (which it's not)...so what do you guys think?
*whew*
*end jaws music*
Regards,
[SYN]