Growing up a gay Jehovah's Witness (My Life Story) (page 22)

Dragonlady76

Thank you for sharing your story with us.

tan

Haven't read your complete post yet...but I must say you are a HANDSOME man!

Just read your post...I'm so sorry that you had to go through that but you came through and I'm proud of you. I'm also very happy that you found someone to love you for you! Keep your head up and keep being a constant encouragement to myself and others that through the JW hardships we will survive.

Junction-Guy

bookmarking this for later.

Open mind

Welcome to the board Happysherpa!!!

You'll not find much gay bashing here. Or, I should say, if you do, the mods won't let it go too far.

Sorry you had to grow up in such a toxic environment.

Open Mind

happysherpa

hello to all those that have welcomed me and also to everyone else lol

Im experiencing gay love for the first time, recently started a relationship, its all a little strange, but physically feels right. Ill keep ya updated.

Growing up in the congregation had its good and bad times, i made a lot of friends and felt secure and safe.

Since leaving, i do find it difficult making new friends... esp people with spirtual like qualities. One thing i did lean while in the trruth.. is to be a nice and caring individual, unfortunatly.. i have met some that havent been so nice since leaving the faith.

I feel quiet vunurable

Has anyone else felt like this when leaving the organisation?

DJK

Welcome happysherpa.

I left the org at 18. Never got into it so I never felt a loss. The org did steal my childhood and my social skills were restricted. It has been very hard to make friends.

cloudblue

Hey Monkey, I saw you made a post not too long ago. So here's some of my story. I was raised from birth in a JW household. I grew up in the Deep South, Louisiana, just north of New Orleans. I had gay leanings/feelings since I duunno, Kindergarten? From about ages 7 to 9, I was molested by a couple of older brothers at the JW congregation. One was 3? years older and one was 5 or more years older. What you said really resonated with me, b/c I too remember crying night after night, praying to God. I always felt HORRIBLY guilty when I did things with them, but I enjoyed it too. But then a kid should never have to be confronted with the idea of sex even. Well, it pretty much ended when we had a sleep over and I quoted "A man should not lay with another man as with a woman. Pretty much ended, but not all the way, I'd see these same guys with girls, and think to myself, "That chick doesn't even know that they do behind closed doors." and also got jealous of them being with girls. I tried one more time, when i was in 7th grade, age 11, to have some kinda sexual contact with him again actually, which didn't happen and was very uncomfortable and awkward for both of us. But about that time, I had a much increased sexual drive. I guess I was hitting puberty. And crying alot. And discovered masturbation, LOL. I was troubled by the injunction against masturbation, but only somewhat, and minorly. Mainly, being gay has troubled me from when I was 7 or 8 to today, and I'm 28. Let's see if I can come up with a short hand chronology. age 15 Came out to a few people at school, and someone outed me to my Mom. Cried about it, turned to pot, acid, alcohol had a couple sexual experiences 16 went to a "gifted" school (Hehe, I'm smart.) Got kicked out for pot :( 16.5 back home and Mom says I have to go to meetings and its ok I'm gay but can't act on the feelings, so I'm a good JW for a year or so, and then 17 go to college!!! had a tryst or two over the summer but buckle down in college and start this damned cycle I've been going through since of being a good JW and trying to date girls (which I don't think has ever happened really come to think of it), be attracted to girls, and not be attracted to or act on attraction to guys. 21 get baptized and auxilliary pioneer 22 Shuck off JW for going out to clubs, while dating guys some and keeping straight A's at school!!! 23 graduate college (I'm a nurse.) have a one year relationship with a guy and move in together. 24 Relationship ends,...just before I bought a house with him. Move out to California. Go to a couple meetings a year, and mostly ignore all my JW teaching. This is where I'm at now. But it's kinda always in the back of my head, this wicked strong dichotomy, wanting to love men, but also wanting to serve god and live forever. Every once in a while it wells up within me. Ive been dating for 2.5 years now, a pretty cool dude. But I broke it off with him, to go to meetings, but then went back to him. Then broke it off, and started dating again. Met another cool guy, and we had a very spiritual conversation, and I spouted off a bunch off JW stuff to him, and it got me feeling guilty again, and I couldn't sleep all night. So, I canceled my date for the next day, and for the next Sunday, and went to a meeting. And it felt great, I know all the JW stuff so thoroughly, and the people are nice. But...I'm kinda tired of going to meetings for a year or two, and giving up b/c I can't fight all my gay feelings. Then giving up on my friends, boyfriend, life, etc. after another year or two, when the massive guilt wells up in me again. Really not even guilt so much as fear. I fear death. I want to live forever. And I fear if I'm happy, in a relationship with a man, that I won't live forever. And that scares me so deeply. I feel my blood run cold. My b/f said, "I love that this religion gives you something to hope for, and all the good things about it. But I hate that it makes you feel like this. " So, that's where I've been. Where I'm at. I'm honestly a pretty well-adjusted, charming, funny, handsome man. ;) I just can't resolve these 2 strong forces within me. I room with a psych student, and actually I'm a psych nurse, and I told him," I just want to split myself down the middle and become 2 people, the gay guy, and the good JW." So, I don't know exactly what I'm wanting or hoping for. I'm just frustrated and sick of switching lives, it feels like, every couple years. And sick of thinking yea, I'm gay, and I sincerely believe in the Bible's teachings, and that God won't reward me with everlasting life.

cloudblue

Um....sorry about the double post. AND sorry about no paragraphs, I swear I had them when I posted. I feel like a noob.

Growing up a gay Jehovah's Witness (My Life Story)

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