How do you leave the JW's ??? Let's help those trying to !!!!!!!

by run dont walk 17 Replies latest jw friends

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  Buster

  It would be nice to atone for the person (one, in my case) I brought into the truth. But I lack the subtlety and patience it would take. They shrink back as though Satan himself were on one's shoulder as soon as one seems to be assailing their faith. I doubt I'll ever get the chance.

  Jayson: I think we all understand how it is that your wife feels that all her JW friends and aquaintances are dead to her. It is amazing that we all lived a life where we were ready to drop a family member, or a close friend at the drop of a JC's hat! I still wrestle with that tendency in myself.
• 

  Jayson

  Buster,

  I don't blame her one bit. In fact I think she's smarter and wiser than meBTW are you the Buster who used to have the flaming shoes?
• 

  Buster

  I'll also say that I sincerely wish I could help someone out. But the friends I left behind never will be the men they should have become - whipped WTS mules (the men they should have become never would have tolerated one of the daughters being sexually molested at the hall).

  Also, my daughter has a couple JW friends in high school. I would love to give them a heads up. One came here once and I was stunned to see her in the house of an apostate. She is a sweetie and was quite amazed at my book collection. Another, a boy, has a thing for my daughter. I told here I would rather see her with a one-eyed, tobacco-chewin', lesbian crack whore than with a dubbie.

  Flaming shoes? there must quite a fun little story behind that one. But, no, its not me.

  - Buster (also of the 'Wife wiser than me' class)
• 

  maxwell

  I don't know what the best way to leave is. I do know there are lots of ways to leave. I do NOT recommend that you leave the way I did, but I'll tell how I left anyway.

  I got married at 23. I love my wife, but obviously wasn't as committed as I should have been. Without going into much detail I committed adultery, which I think most people would consider bad whether you're JW or not. In the meantime, before and after that happened, my mind had been slowly questioning certain things. Philosophy classes I had taken a couple of years before my indiscretion had been pestering my mind. I seriously revisited the question of whether there was a God and came to the conclusion that all my life I had only listened to pro-God arguments given by the JW religion. And even based on their evidence alone, I had no conclusive proof that there is a God. I understand some people believe in faith and don't need conclusive proof. The evidence for God is enough for them even in the face of the evidence against God. But for me there was no conclusive proof either way. Since I couldn't believe in God, based on my thoughts and observations, I couldn't believe in the religion. After I opened up my mind to that, blinders started to come off regarding other things like the so-called God given authority of the faithful and discreet slave and the generation teaching. The floodgates were open. I came to the conclusion that I didn't care to stay in the religion.

  I have family who I care for and I knew I'd regret losing contact with them. I did have some friendships in the congregation but none too strong. I decided that I'd didn't care to do the fade or put up some sort of facade in order to maintain these contacts. There's 6 billion people in the world. I can make some new contacts. I confessed my adultery and said I was unrepentant just to get out. I know a selfish reason to confess. I did tell my wife first. It took about a month after I confessed for them to finally DF me, but that was it. They tried to get me to come to two or three different judicial committee meetings. I caved and came to their last one which was sort of a formality. They didn't even open their Bibles. They asked me maybe 2 or 3 questions, none specific about the act, because I'd already made it clear over the phone that I wouldn't be answering any questions about that. They sent me into this other room for 2 minutes while they made their obvious decision.

  Haven't been bothered by them since. During the course of this happening, I talked with my parents a few times. My dad had a few conversations with me. But after I was disfellowshipped, they don't try to talk to me about the Bible. JW rules say they aren't supposed to. I've been fortunate to have parents with a little heart. They break their JW rules and talk to me some but not about religion. Contact has been broken with my three JW sisters. I have a younger brother who has told me he plans to get baptized, but he still talks to me. Actually we've talked more now than when we were growing up. And strangest of all, he just married a non-JW girl who stayed with him a few weeks before they were married. So doesn't look like he's toeing the JW line if he plans to get baptized. Maybe there's hope for him. I don't try to steer him the right way. He'd never listen to me anyway.

  So to summarize, I guess a person has to know their family and friends to determine what the impact will be on those relationships. Everybody has to leave their own way, but I am glad I was able to leave quickly. My wife and I are together and working on things. If I had not made that mistake, I think I would have disassociated myself. Slow fade isn't my style. If you want to do it quick, you just have to be firm with them. Write you disassociation and refuse to communicate with them. Don't answer any questions. Don't allow them to come into your house for an attempt to "readjust you", unless you think it would be fun to debate them (I've seen some people who had interesting stories about that). Of course, I've heard of some who employ similar techniques with the fade. I think its about realizing whose in control of your life. It was a very exhilirating feeling when I finally realized, that I don't have to recognize the authority of elders or any part of the JW organization.
• 

  Austrian

  The best way to leave the borg is to fade. I started fading in my early 20's and was completely out by 26. My family has actually given me very little grief but then again we don't talk that much. I think they got the message when I brought my girlfriend (now wife) over to their house. My dad started to preach to her and I told him never to talk to her about religion. Then I guess they didn't like it when I was married in a Catholic church. Anyways the brainwashing will take a little time to get out of your head, but when it does you will wonder how in the world you ever believed in all the crap...
• 

  JT

  Recently I have been studying what my garndma and my dad were reading in thier respective time peroids. Grandma was of the annointed class, sounds kind of special, untill you realize that everyone in her time was. My dad saw the dates for "Christ presence" and "the begining of the time of the end" changed around a couple times in his life time. I saw the great 1975 hype rise, burn bright, and then wither in the dust, not even to have been a "marked year" later. As though it never really happened! My kids are seeing the "last generation of 1914" being redifined

  excellent post

  i highly recomemend just fading, keeping ones mouth shut _Until one has left and built a new cliente of friends- at that point one will NOT CARE what others think or do

  never argue with a jw --as someone stated it;s like arguring with a Drunk- a waste of time

  i see so many come here and in their efforts to MAKE A POINT with the elders, and other jw they go into these great battles-

  only to expend a lot of emotional energy, and time and efffort-

  the most important thing one can do is get themself to safety, emotionally and phyically as well as materially

  if you make an attempt to help a jw and you see the direction it is going DROP THE ISSUE THEY ARE NOT READY

  and you cant force them to BE READY to deal with the real story about the org-

  the key in my veiw is to prepare oneself Mentally for the possible backlash, too many former jw were not prepared for what would happen to them and they are often times hit by the blind side-

  we considered this issue awhile back and the suggestions below are excellent

  ###################################################################

  http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/6/5574/1.ashx

  One of the most painful things I continue to see here on this forum as well as all the others is that many who want to leave wt simply don't know how to leave and remain "Intact" as it were.

  I recall talking with jw who "Formally Disassociated themselves back in the 70’s and it was not till the 90’s and the net did they finally feel free

  or many who “jump UP” and write a letter off to Mo Larry and Curly (CONGREGATION SERVICE COMMITTEE)

  While I feel there is absolutely nothing wrong with writing a letter for many it is a matter of

  1. Poor timing and
  2. not being prepared for what will follow

  When I read of folks who wrote letters feeling bad or feeling that must “meet” with the elders – to me that means they were not ready AT THAT TIME.

  The net is really the answer for all lurkers and those who are thinking about leaving – why not Learn how to leave WT at least somewhat “Intact”

  Before writing a letter be sure to get the Pros and Cons of writing a letter- for me personally I wouldn’t waste the paper or stamp- but I fully understand for those who do – there is no right or wrong – should I send one or not

  But more of a

  1. When should I do this and
  2. How-

  I highly recommend throwing it out here in the forum for suggestions- the reason why is simple

  The avg. jw has so little understanding of the WT Corporate Procedures when it comes to how they deal with folks

  Being Former “Society Man” the rules and policies swallow up the avg. person

  I recall seeing persons who are leaving spend weeks Xeroxing 40=50 pages of copies of wt history to “Let the bro. know why”

  They don’t give a RATS A$$ and once a person comes to understand that then they know how to proceed

  Much like explaining Gravity to a 6 month old baby it means absolutely nothing-

  Also understanding that the avg. Joe blow elder is as much a victim as we were

  What I have seen here on the net is how some of the most condemning folks ( she got low hours can’t be too spiritual)

  ( she can pioneer her hubby make s enough money) etc myself INCLUDED – once we learn the truth about the truth

  we feel so bad about how we treated others when we were in the Org-

  I look back at some of the judicial cases that we handled and being a Society Man I went by the BOOK—

  VERY LITTLE feeling for the “Individual person” GOT TO KEEP THE ORG CLEAN-

  SO FOR me know I only hope that all the folks I dealt with in an unloving way can forgive me for it was done out of ignorance and being blinded.

  So for any who want to get out--------- please and I beg of you feel free to ask here on the forum what things you need to consider so when you decided to make your move – you can LEAVE INTACT

  JAMES

  "I'd rather have questions I can't answer than questions I can't ask (or answers I can't question)."
• 

  teejay

  Mr. Henderson was my sixth grade teacher. When giving us a classroom assignment, he had a legendary expression: "If you need help, raise your hand and I'll come by to help you... HELP YOURSELF."

  I personally have NOT AN OUNCE OF OBLIGATION to a single JW... unless they are willing to let me help them. Otherwise, they can stay right where they are and it's all good with me.
• 

  cowhand

  Any organisation that values its reputation ought to be easy enough to leave.

  Any organisation that doesn't understand how anyone can have a conscientious objection to it ought to be left.

  Myself, I just left. I was very fortunate in that my witness mother and sisters have never made my life difficult.

  As to how anyone can leave who have family and friends prepared to act "scripturally" - God knows!

  My feeling is that we leave when we must, and take the consequences but it seems a pity it has to come to that.