Guilt and Infidelilty

by lisavegas420 17 Replies latest watchtower medical

  • Gopher
    Gopher
    The elders want only 'justice' and 'repentance', and they really don't count repentance as something between the individual and God alone. They must get involved, and when they do, all H*** breaks loose.

    Excellent comments from "Elton John".

    The elders are trained to seek "justice" -- meaning determining whether or not a person is viewed as worthy to remain in the congregation or not. There is little or no assistance in actually keeping the marriage partners together. I guess we must have "justice" first, and we'll just see how the cookie crumbles (or the marriage crumbles).

    The elders are trained to seek "repentance" -- but how can they read a person's heart? A person could be pouring out their heart and telling all these intimate details, but then the elders can still decide that a person is not repentant based on what THEY see. It's not easy work, and really it's very doubtful that such judgment belongs to men to do.

    Repentance between "God and the person alone"? That's a foreign concept to the JW's, even though it is found in their Bible. But the WT Society leadership teaches that the elders must impose themselves on all these situations no matter how fragile, and then as Rocketman said, all heck (I think you meant "heck"!) breaks loose.

    It doesn't matter much to the WT Society though if the people's lives are forever altered. They were probably spiritually weak and weren't contributing that much to promoting the publishing society's doctrines anyhow.

  • ronin1
    ronin1

    This is Ronin1. I have not been on the forum for months because we have relocated to Hollywood, Florida and have been very busy. But I had to respond to this post when I read it. He should have confessed a long time ago. I am thinking more of the medical and physical harm he could have brought to his wife-that of STD's . If for three (3) to five (5) years or after she started having infections or problems, such as HPV-which may not show up for years or HIV, etc., could be because of his infidelity and he could have given it to her. HPV may not show up for years and it can cause serious problems later in life. And we all know what HIV does. Ruining his family is not the only problem he may have done. Ronin1

  • cruzanheart
    cruzanheart

    As a wife, I'd want to know. How I deal with the knowledge is up to me, but I like to think that I wouldn't just rake poor old Big Tex over the coals until I understood WHY he did it.

    Of course, we've been married 20 years and he's been a good boy, so I don't speak from experience (I've been good too, by the way).

    However, on the other side, when my dad went out and had an affair, I had the lady in question over to lunch. Am I liberal or just stupid?

    Nina

  • Mr Lebowski
    Mr Lebowski

    I hope my directness is accepted in the spirit that it's intended.

    My two cents would be that we're here in this world to deal with the way things are, and if we don't know how things are, we can't do that. If we decide that others cannot deal with reality, and we have to "protect" them, we are really ripping them off from the opportunity to deal with the way things really are.

    If the purpose of my decisions is to minimize upset, then I guess living a lie is preferable. If the purpose of my decisions is "right action" (as the Buddhists say) then I want to be truthful about both good and bad.

    Look, he didn't "ruin things" by being truthful. He probably didn't even ruin things by cheating (not that it helped). WIthout trying to attach blame, it's fair to say that the relationship was not in good shape if it was based on concealing truths, regardless of whose fault it was. Healthy relationships don't result in infidelity - it's a symptom (unless you have a sex addict, which it sounds like you don't). She chose how to respond to his confession, and she had a wide range of choices in how to react. She is responsible for her choices there, not him.

    It's like a building being ruled as unsafe by the inspector and having signs posted out front...it was unsafe before, but now everyone knows about it.

    Love and doughnuts,

    The Dood

  • Inquiry
    Inquiry

    I'm with Cruzan on this one... I would definately want to know...

    I see it as, he made a decision and acted a certain way... he had his reasons... she should be given an opportunity to make a decision based on her reasons....

    It's too bad though that kids have to go through it... I don't agree that kids should be confessed to in these situations... What ever happened to parenting...*shakes head and sighs* I know things could be strained for a bit, but I would do my darndest to keep the kids out of it...

    Just my two

    Inq

  • stillajwexelder
    stillajwexelder

    I would want to know - I just hope I could forgive despite the pain

  • Mecurious?
    Mecurious?

    I don't think I'd want to know if it was just a one time fling. Of course I would want to know if it was a long term affair. Otherwise, I think she would be better off not telling me.

    All wishes aside however I know my wife very well and she would tell me.

    Would I tell? I think my first sentence pretty much sums it up.

    Merc'

  • Elsewhere
    Elsewhere

    I don't think I would want to know... for me the most important thing is this: At the end of the day, who does she go home to?

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