My Parents are visiting tomorrow

by Bendrr 16 Replies latest jw friends

  • Bendrr
    Bendrr

    I talked to my mom on the phone Monday. They're going to be at the district convention this weekend so since they'd be in Macon and pretty close to where I live, I suggested they drop by. I'm taking off work early to be here for the visit which I'm sure will only last less than 15 minutes. But considering what I'm prepared to say, who knows?

    The gloves come off tomorrow. I know that coming over here fresh from the DC they'll want to get into the old "why don't you come back to the truth?" routine and I'm ready. I'm going to stick solely with the shunning policy. It's wrong and they will leave here knowing that.

    Any input on df'ing and shunning would be appreciated. I'll be online for a while longer tonight and also in chat for a short while later. You know, stuff I could say....or how I could say it....

    After they leave, I'll post the after-action report.

    Wish me luck y'all. In spite of everything, I really do love my mom and [step]dad. In the last 11 years I've been out (yeah it's been 11 years this month) they've missed out on a whole hell of a lot of me growing up into the man I am today. When my [step]dad kicked me out of the house back in July of 92 I was a 20 year old immature kid. Best thing he ever did for me. I had to get out there and make my own way. It's been a hard 11 years, a lot of bad times. I mean some really bad times! But I busted my ass just like he taught me and did pretty well. They missed all of that. They missed the bad times, when they could have been there for me at least to encourage me because they had their own hard times after they kicked me out. Well for that matter I could have been there for them if they'd have let me know. And they missed the good times when they could have been proud of me. Thanks to the df'ing I also missed out on seeing my little brother grow up into the incredibly supremely awesomely cool dude he is now. Someone who used to look up to me is now someone I now myself admire.

    But to this day, they still place all these stupid rules on our association. Only weekly phone calls are acceptable, and they're kept short. No meals together or association in-person. If they do come by my place or I go to their house, the visit is limited to just maybe 10-15 minutes always with the reminder that "well you are disfellowshipped and you know...."

    Hopefully y'all will understand what I'm trying to say here. If they were to spend time with me, well that's all I care about. Being with my family. Just like I told my brother, if you want to be a Witness I'll stand behind you and support you because you're my family. That means I won't spend that time trying to talk you out of the "truth" or for that matter I won't even say one single negative thing about it. No, mom and dad, that means I'll spend that time being your son and sharing my life with you. You know, the last 11 years you missed out on? Yeah, good idea. I started typing this post to ask for ideas and ended up giving myself ideas for things to say.

    Ok, update comes tomorrow night. Wish me luck y'all!

    Mike.

  • ScoobySnax
    ScoobySnax

    Hey Mike

    Hope all goes well for you tommorow, keep your cool and try not to lose your rag. Let them see what the man you've become. I'm sure they love you deep down, as you do them. Take care.

  • Aztec
    Aztec

    Just wanted to wish you luck Mike! It'll be eleven years away for me in December of this year! Since I'm not df'd my parents still speak to me but sometimes I wouldn't mind it if my father would quit speaking to me.

    Good luck!

    ~Aztec

  • ballistic
    ballistic

    Like me, your parents still associate with you. But my mother is told that by shunning me she will "encourage me back". I am always afraid she will take up that advice, but she has admitted the stupidity of that premise. There is a difference between relatives who put the blinkers on and tow the Watchtower line and those that realise you have made your decision. I feel sorry for the other kind, but for many here it is a reality.

    In my opinion, my mother needs her faith, needs her "truth". I don't approach her with what I have found, because this is what is right for me, and not for her. I think those who class themselves as "apostates" or who feel they are "on a mission" should think about what the religion actually does for those who rely on it - is your goal simply to tear down all "faith" for any reason without care about the impact on a particular individual. Is the truth, all be it incorrect, actually "good" for some poeple?

    I have made my mind up.

  • teenyuck
    teenyuck

    Good luck Bendrr! Keep us posted!

  • pettygrudger
    pettygrudger

    Good luck tommorrow Bendrr!

    Somewhere on this website is an amazing article written by Ray Franz regarding DF'ing - with many powerful statements (and scriptures). I'll try to look it up and post it.

  • pettygrudger
    pettygrudger

    I couldn't find it - but here are some EXCELLENT arguments (complete with scriptures) from Freeminds - good stuff over there!

    http://www.freeminds.org/psych/disfell.htm

  • happyout
    happyout

    Good luck, Bendrr, and remember, you catch more bees with honey!

    Happyout

  • Prisca
    Prisca

    ((((Bendrr)))) Good luck for Friday. Remember to keep your cool but stand your ground.

  • Dansk
    Dansk

    Wish mine were visiting! They're dead

    Dansk

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