Do JW couples really have better relationships? (page 2)

zeena1998

I don't really think so. I have known many JW couples who had really bad marriages. They have been married for like 30 years and most of those years had been spent being unfaithful. Not that that's a JW thing...it's unfortunately all to common. BUT I find that the difference is that these people tend to stay together more out of fear of embarassment than anything else. Or maybe my view is just skewed because I know more "normal" couples who have good marriages than I know JW's who have good marriages.

freedom96

The best marriages I have ever seen are not from witnesses. I do imagine, that if you look at averages, there are just as many good and bad marriages in and out of the organization.

I had one of the worst marriages ever in my life and I was an active witness. She is the devil herself, and she is still a somewhat active witness.

thegentleman

Latin Assassin:

By what you wrote in the post I'm sure we had a similiar expereince..I'm sure thats a good story..

Chris

Odrade

I've been lurking here for awhile. Funny how this subject is finally luring me out to play. Husband and I have discussed this before. JWs are credited with "saving" many marriages, but I often wonder if they just stay unhappily together. Maybe it forces them to get along, if they are "true believers" they may actually believe they are happier than they might have been if they had called it quits years before. In my opinion, there are far more desperately unhappy marriages among JWs, (as a percentage,) simply because there's no good way to cut your losses if you make a mistake and marry too young, or marry someone completely incompatible or irresponsible.

For the most part, I think happy relationships in the BORG are somewhat unconventional by Witness standards. The husband and the wife share roles/responsibilities. The wife is not demeaned or devalued. The husband is not forced to be the sole decision-maker--too much pressure for any man to bear. Sure, he gets to make all the decisions, but then he is forced to live with them and justify them for all eternity. In a Witness union the wife is forced into a subordinate and inferior position by the headship arrangement, hard for intelligent women, nearly impossible for those who get don't marry at 19.

Over the years I've heard many well-meaning sisters (including my own mother) tell me she fought headship for years, but now that she has learned to be in subjection she is much happier. Interesting though, that not one sister has ever looked happy when telling me that. One notices the dissonant body language clearly visible.

Odrade

metatron

Answer to your question:

Hell, no!

Every congregation has bad marriages that stay together thru sheer endurance.

This includes the elders. Many marriages privately ignore "headship" as the sisters

may be light years ahead of their husbands - oddly, such unions may be happy

since the silly-assed elder/husband actually believes he's in charge and the wife

knows better. There have been some very strong-willed wives, even in high

positions in Bethel ( like Sister Chyke, in the past).

metatron

happyout

Maybe my siblings are the exceptions, but they all have really happy marriages. And they are not faking, because they are pretty open when they are disagreeing. But, overall, I rate their marriages as the happiest ones I know of.

I have seen other JW marriages that I didn't think much of, but I really didn't think much of the people as individuals anyway.

I have non JW friends, some with good marriages, some on the rocks, but none can touch my siblings.

Happyout (who may be just a little biased where her family is concerned)

primitivegenius

i think that for the most part marriage is the same regardless and that witness couples dont have a magic cureall for problems. when you think about it tho, if they follow most of what the borg teaches they will have a better shot at staying together simply because most of what the borg teaches about marriage is wholesome. the fact that its serious, the fact that communication is vital, the fact that it should be a partnership with each careing for the others needs ahead of there own. i think alot of the problems with witness marriages does come from marrying to young for sex or from the husband not makeing proper use of the headship arraingement and being a damned tyrant. thing is there are many other books and such on marriage that preach many of the same things the borg does and its pretty obvious that if you dont communicate then your SOL marrige wise. the fact that those outside of the borg have no compuctions about being sexually active before marriage and possibly living together can be argued as either a disadvantage or a better opportunity to see if you can stand them for prolonged periods of time. basicly does being a JW mean an easy time of it............. hell no

dyan4help

I went back to the kingdom hall after years of being inactive. My husband had just died and I thought I should get right with God so I took my two children to the meetings. Soon 3 married men started showing my kids attention. (The fatherless boy routine,) Soon they were calling me and showing up at my house all the time by themselves. One was the P.O. of the congregation who asked me to go away with him for a weekend. His best friend was one of the men calling me too and when they found out about each other trying to see me they started argueing over who could stand up to the elders better and not run, if or when they found out what they were doing. The third one would walk me to my car after meetings and one night his wife came out and screamed at him and grabbed him by the arm and pulled him to their car. He never came back again but his wife started calling me and taking the kids out to lunch all the time. She never mentioned her husband. When the elders finally got wind of what was going on and asked me, I told them the truth, all of it. The P.O. wife said that I would never know what I did to her family. He lied to the elders about it and it became a he said, she said thing. The third man stood his ground when the elders told him he could not speak to me again. Yes he was married but his wife lived in another town and came home once a week while he was at work to see if she could catch him doing something wrong so she could divorce him witness style. The elders said they could not make his wife do right by him and he had to live this way. God would take care of it in his time. In fact there were 4 other married couples that lived seperated and could not divorce until one of them got caught cheating. The elders chose not to care about that either. Anyway when the elders tried to reprove him he said that was enough and moved out of the house and got an apartment and filed for divorce. He was disfellowshipped and 2 months after his divorce was final he found out he had leukemia and died 6 months later. What a waste of life.

Dyan

micheal

I know for a fact JW marriages are worse off. If The mounting pressures of day to day life are not enough they also have all the pressures of being a jw. I was married to a Jw for 7 yrs, it started off fine, but knowing all the consequences of leaving your mate she changed quicker than the wind. Her whole personality changed, it was very very weird. But to make a long story short I not only "officially" got out of that horrible marriage and away from that wacko wife, but I also got away from the organization. Yes I sat in front of 3 men in a judicial committee, but I also faked it all to be publicly reprooved and thus still able to talk to my family. Since that meeting I have not stepped back into a kh again and never will. It has been 7 months. You can kinda say I played it perfectly.

Francois

ABsolutely NOT!

Do JW couples really have better relationships?

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