by JT 33 Replies latest jw friends
I agree with you about not writing a letter. I still have my wife and four kids that are active in the non-truth, I do not want them to be mistreated because of me.
I started my departure about 4 years ago and this year is the first year that I have not gone to the memorial.
I think by just easing out you give yourself more of a chance to help others that might be inclined to leave also.
I think your advice was well needed on this board.
James,
While I can understand why people are motivated to write a DA letter to get their anger and disappointments off their chests, like you, I do not generally reccommend it.
The reason is simple: by turning in such a letter you are playing by their rules and are recognizing their authority. That still gives them power over you. If one merely states "I don't recognize your authority over me. You have NO authority over me any longer. I'm take BACK my own life, and the lot of you can go to hell," it would accomplish the same thing and perhaps even piss them off more than any letter.
Farkel
Joelbearer says
Going through formal disassociation of disfellowshiping is a continuing acknowledgement that the Watchtower society actually has a right to determine someone's status as a worthy associate, rather than allowing a person's whole life and sets of actions determine this for people close to this person
###
this is my personal view as well- for me it is a joke writing a letter
esp since i know exactly why the entire concept of DA exist= smile
as i mentioned it is the brainchild of the Legal Dept- has mnore to do with wt trying to keep peace with the gov than some bible principle
as i stated they will simply have to come and get my black a$$
smile :)
james
Outn free
Thanks, James for a very good topic.
## you are welcome---- while many times we use this forum to debate jw dogma which is fine- there are also other issues that this type of forum allows us to address and I just felt that over the yrs I have seen this commom thread of former jw who adhere to wt rules of Writing a letter- well if you are going to write a letter then the least that the person needs to know is HOW AND WHEN
Farkel
The reason is simple: by turning in such a letter you are playing by their rules and are recognizing their authority. That still gives them power over you. If one merely states "I don't recognize your authority over me. You have NO authority over me any longer. I'm take BACK my own life, and the lot of you can go to hell," it would accomplish the same thing and perhaps even piss them off more than any letter.
#####EE with you 110% the reason is simple – consider the entire process in order to join wt they required a LETTER AND IN ORDER TO LEAVE THEY REQUIRE a Letter
What the He!! Is that!!!! Smile
Big jim
I agree with you about not writing a letter. I still have my wife and four kids that are active in the non-truth, I do not want them to be mistreated because of me.
I started my departure about 4 years ago and this year is the first year that I have not gone to the memorial.
I think by just easing out you give yourself more of a chance to help others that might be inclined to leave also.
####you have very nicely addressed the various circumstances that each person faces and MUST DEAL WITH
there fore there is no ONE ANSWER FITS ALL – but each one must look at what they will face and move forward from there
and that is where this NET “THANG” comes in at- the role that the net will play in the next few yrs will simply be unreal
when my mom started to study jw were unheard of and no one knew one personally
ask yourself this question How many folks either work with or have a jw in the family- so they are at least somewhat famimlair with jw – no blood – waking you’re A$$ up on Sat AM - etc smile point being the novelty of jw are wearing thin in most areas
in my old territory we could do apt territory lot full of cars on sat AM over 300 apt in the complex
and we would return to the car in 45min- with 294 NOT AT HOMES smile
so leaving the RIGHT WAY IS SO IMPORTANT TO ONES MENTAL AND PHYSICAL HEALTH and for the beleivers out there ones spiritual health as well- smile
james
I just drifted away when I left.Started missing odd meetings went to attending odd meetings until it became no meetings at all. I moved across the city and started a new life.
Just one problem with the drifting away method I was to find...
Keep looking over your shoulder 'cause the minute you step out of line then theres a knock on the door and 2 unfamiliar guys in suits are standing on your doorstep!
So if you are planning on living a blameless life then it's worth a try but if you hope to try out those wings in a less than strictly biblical direction get ready to be shot down in mid-air!
At least DF or DA is OUT-WITH-NO-DOUBT
Bravo to the brave who spell it out in letters. Personally I would not give them the rod to beat me with.
Free
James,
you said
I see you are talking trash
I know you were kidding.
I would like to also thank you for bringing this topic to the board.
I enjoy all of your posts and your insight on things in the borg. You are very knowlegable about these things and you have been very helpful to many people.
I need all of the help I can get and I also would like to be able to help other people as well.
If there is any one out there who is kind of shy about posting (as I was/am), please try to overcome your shyness and post your feelings and thoughts here on this forum. It will be helpful to all who read this forum and you will feel better.
Reading about everyone's experiences has helped me tremendously.
Thank you for being here, JT
James,
You said:
>>While I feel there is absolutely nothing wrong with
>>writing a letter for many it is a matter of
>>1. Poor timing and
>>2. not being prepared for what will follow
>>there is no right or wrong - should I send
>>one or not But more of a
>>1. When should I do this and
>>2. How-
along with the rest of what you suggested, excellent,
excellent advice, my Man.
you and I think alike on this issue. I believe it was Farkel who summed it up
best for me: I don't recognize their authority over me anymore and
furthermore I choose not to play their mean little games. I don't need
to write a stupid letter (like you said… I wouldn't waste the paper or a
stamp) to let them know anything about me.
I've been "fortunate," I guess. About the same time I got fed up attending
meetings, we'd moved to a new hall and the elders really didn't get to know
me very well. My wife is still very loyal, but the elders at her hall are pretty
typical --they have not made a single shepherding call on me in four years.
It's just as well… I'd hate to stumble one or two of them out of the truth
with a well-phrased question or two.
Very good topic, James.
peace,
todd
Well, I guess I will add my two bits. I wrote a disassociation letter, technically; I sent my parents a five-paragraph note explaining that I didn’t want to be identified with Jehovah’s Witnesses anymore. I thought about writing more, of course, but realized that if I said anything specific I would write way too long a letter and they would never read it.
At their behest, the local elders called me up, concerned for my “spiritual welfare”. It quite unnerved my roommate (who was Jewish, incidentally) when “two guys in suits with Bibles” showed up at my dorm room one night when I was working on homework elsewhere, and most of my friends thought they were very odd. It led to a good opportunity for me to give a good, uh, anti-witness . But I digress…
At this point, I had not really let on to anyone in the organization that I was having doubts (just a few friends outside), so it came as a bit of a shock to my mother. She knew that I had been sort of lackadaisical about the organization the last few months, but had no idea how deep the discontent actually went. She wanted me to write a letter to the society, maybe go inactive for a little while (because she “knew I was busy with school”), and not do anything “hasty” that I would regret later.
I knew that any letter to the society would be ignored at best, because I wasn’t just concerned about a single issue, say evolution; I was disgusted with the whole attitude of superiority, with the blatant propaganda of WT literature, with the hateful institution of shunning. These are not subjects one writes the Society about in the serious hope of getting a meaningful response; my general impression is that getting any response other than an elder’s visit or an admonition to hang on and “wait for Jehovah” is unheard of.
And I didn’t want to just hang on. I frankly was disgusted with the organization, and wanted no part of it anymore, and most of all I was sooooooo tired of feeling like I was living a lie. I didn’t want to pretend anymore; I didn’t want to have to spend the rest of my life keeping my parents in the dark if I should decide to go to Christmas parties or take karate class or anything else like that. I didn’t want to settle into a nice routine of quasi-normal relations as an inactive person, pressured into going to the memorial occasionally, constantly getting “gentle reminders” about how I really should be “conscious of my spiritual needs.” (Ugh. I hate that phrase…)
And most of all, I didn’t want to get used to that sort of relationship with my parents and then get caught doing something innocuous (voting, say) and be kicked out, years after I had gotten on with my life mentally and emotionally, and suddenly be shunned anyways.
So although I understand why many here choose to not do anything official - certainly, the idea that formally leaving validates in some way their authority is something to think about - I don't really think I had any choice. Not with who I am, not with who my family is. I acted fairly quickly - sent the letter in November '99, officially DA'd in a meeting with the elders in January '00 - and I puzzled the heck out of my judicial committee because they couldn't understand why someone as previously "upstanding" as me would possibly want to leave .
The only thing I feel bad about is that I didn't have a chance to talk to my mom while she would still listen to me about such things. But realistically speaking, I don't think hanging on another six months or a year or even five years would've done any good, even supposing I could have managed to hide my evil holiday-celebration from my parents; I had the very bad luck to grow disillusioned EXACTLY at the same time my mom was having a bit of a renaissance with the organization, and it will probably be quite a while (if at all) before anything affects her personally enough that she would want to listen to me about the real truth anyhow.
So there's my way of dealing with the issue of how to not be a Jehovah's Witness when there's no way to just have it quietly annulled and walk away a free person. I will never forget that wonderful feeling of peace and calm that came over me when I decided to walk away anyways. Some people need to have an ending, is my take on it; others don't. The important part, of course, is leaving mentally - everything else is just detail-work. Granted that that doesn't make it any easier, no matter what you decide to do in the long run...
-T.
Ter,
That was a very interesting post. I have had some of the feelings that you've had, what with elders stopping by, calling. I don't feel honest and open.
I don't want the calls, but they assume I do. It would be easier to 'call it quits and leave me alone' except for my two sons that are in.
Puts one in a dilemma. If it weren't for them, I'd say adios!
Btw, my main reason for leaving is evolution. But now that I've done my reading (and still am), there are plenty of other reasons!
Say, what does your screen name mean, how did you arrive at it? I'm glad to make your acquaintance!
Patio
I agree with alot of the things that you all have said. But the comments of Tergiversater very closly reflects how I feel at this point. I don't want to have elders coming to vistit me, I don't want to have to listen to my family try and persuade me to come back, I don't care if they don't want to hear the truth about the org.,and i don't want to end up difellowshipped because my life is not up to the Wts standards and have to go thrue the whole shunning thing anyway.
I do have family in the org. There are two uncles who are elders, one who used to be, there are two aunts who are pioneeres, and I have a cousin that does sign languge interpertation for the conventions. But the problem is that I don't care if they don't talk to me anyway. They have always treated me like dirt because I didn't measure up to the WTS standards and even when I was really young, they have always been unkind. My family is just not emotionally close.
My mom, who by the way is considered inactive or weak right now, has never really followed their rules and has always found a way to get around them to do what she wants (right now, for instance, she managed to get away with nothing but private reproof for getting engaged even though she doesn't have grounds for remarrige). I don't worry about her not talking to me. My little sister is thinking about getting baptized, but we already had a talk, and now she agrees with me on alot of points. My dad, who used to be a bethelit and an elder but has been inative for about 8 years, agrees with me on a lot of things and has told me that he would support me in whatever I chose to do. My older sister and I haven't had a discussion yet, so I don't know exactly where she would stand on the matter, but I know her, and at the most she just wouldn't disscuss religious matters with me.
I want to be formally no part of this org. because other wise I just would not be able to get them out of my life and I would rather do it myself than have them do it to me. And if I don't, my being disfellowshipped will only be a matter of time. I'm not one to hold my tounge when I think something is wrong. I will voice my opinon. And if my uncle would tell my mom that my dad beating her was her fault and that she should deal with it, and that when I was molested as a child that she made it all up, I do beleive he would turn me in as an apostate.
So i thank every one for their input, but I do plan on going forward with my letter. And if any one has any input as to any changes I should make to it, those would be greatly appreciated.
victoria's secret
