How to Leave WT and Intact

by JT 33 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  larc

  vsecret,

  I agree with JT, Farkel, and others. Don't send the letter.

  Here are some of the reasons I have heard from you and others for sending the letter.

  1. I want to put it all behind me.

  Believe me, that will never happen. Residuals of your experience will be with you the rest of your life.

  2. I don't want to be a hypocrite.

  No you don't, but sometimes discrecion is better than valor. An opposing ideal to honesty up front, is the preservation of family ties. The longer you can maintain them, the more likely that they will bend the rules and maintain some contact with you.

  3. It will happen eventualy. They will disfellowship me.

  Not necessarily. If you play your cards right it might never happen. In your warfare with them, make a quiet retreat and prepare yourself for the next encounter. This is sort of like chess. If you carefully plan your moves you can win.

  I am angry and want to tell them what I think of them.

  4. Keep your emotions to a minimum and make them play by your rules not their's.

  5. I just have to tell the truth about the truth.

  If you have to talk to them "use tact" just like they do. In other words, lie your ass off to protect your situation. Short of that, be evasive in your answers. I know you can do that. You learned how to do that at the Kingdom Hall so you could deal with house holders in the door to door work.

  Don't send the letter. You are letting them win by doing so.
• 

  tergiversator

  Hi Patio,

  Sorry to hear that you feel "caught" as it were with your two sons. I've managed to avoid the worst effects of shunning by not living near anyone I know who's still in; this, obviously, is not something most people can arrange. I haven't really been trying to say that everyone should officialy DA themselves, of course; merely that for some people, formal action is better than inaction. And vice versa... Good luck on finding a working solution. (So nice to be able to say that now... )

  It's amusing that you mention evolution as the thing that brought you out, because that was one of the first things that got me really wondering about the doctrines (not just disfellowshipping and "headship") - it made me seriously consider the notion that perhaps they were wrong about a lot of things. The last witness-apologetic essay I wrote was on evolution, and my teacher told me what a good job I had done of "reconciling my rational and religious sides", and I felt very embarrassed, because I knew that I hadn't.

  Oh, and my screen name: I wrote a poem a couple of months ago (linked off of my webpage, if anyone cares to read it) about leaving the witnesses, and I was playing around with a thesaurus looking up synonyms for "apostate". I came across "tergiversator", which means deserter or someone who runs away from a previous affiliation. Totally inappropriate for my poem, of course, but I thought it was a good screen name.

  -T., of the Run Away! class
• 

  chester

  tergiversator,

  I enjoyed your web site and your poem.

  Thanks for sharing it.

  I wish the best for you
• 

  rob

  How I wish that I could have "gone gently into that good night." Unfortunately I was too high profile. My mother is an "elderette" and the PO's right hand girl. I didn't even have the opportunity to write a letter or anything. I was just informed via telephone that I apparently did not wish to associate with the congregation any more. They informed me! No elder's meeting, no committees. The PO then announced at one of the next Thursday meetings that I DA'd myself. Don't be mistaken, no sour grapes here! They did me a big favor. But it hasn't been without cost. I have lost my relationship with many of my family memebers that I love dearly.