I could really use some advice (page 3)

sxybrwneyes

I really feel for you. I had a similar experience a few years ago and I have to say you are handling it alot better than I handled it. My fiance left me for a girl at his work and I was devestated. I thought I would never get over it, and that I would never find anyone else. It took me about 3 years to get over it then I found the guy I'm with now and he is the best thing that ever happened to me.

It's going to be hard for a while but eventually you will get over it and you will find someone better. For now try to concentrate on yourself and doing some things that make you feel better. Working out always made me feel better, and going shopping and being with my friends.

Whatever happens, good luck!

sandy

I am so angry, confused, frustrated, and sad.

Yesterday we agreed not to talk for a few days. Then when I got home from work about 5:30 pm he called me again.

Again acting like nothing is wrong. We started talking about the news and some other things. Then he asks me what do I want to do? (about us I assume) I said we already agreed to take a few days to ourselves and then talk.

Then he asks me about the plans we made last week for tonight. I said no that we are not going to see each other at all this weekend.

He kept sighing and saying I don't know what to do. I started getting angry and asked him why did he call me? He just said I don't know.

Whatever!!!! His phone disconnected and I got ready to head out to the gym. I called him on my way there and said I just want it over. That I have some things in my car that I want to give back to him as well as my cell phone that he pays the bill on.

He said no he cannot handle me giving him anything back and that all he wants is a 2-week break and why am I making such a big deal out of it.

Why am I making such a big deal out of it?

Am I being unreasonable. I guess I need a guy's perspective on this. What do you guys think is really going on?

He keeps telling me that he is happy with our relationship and he thinks about the future with me in it but he just thinks he should step back and take a look at the situation. He thinks he is too young to be in such a serious relationship. That we got involved too young. He feels like he is missing out on something but he doesn't know what.

Does this sound reasonable to you guys?

It all sounds reasonable except the part of a 2 week break. How the hell is a 2 week break going to give him clarity?

I will try my best not to call him today but already I tried once knowing he would be asleep and not answer.

I have a huge stack of work on my desk and I cannot seem to get anything done.

Nosferatu

It sounds like he originally did the breakup thing to keep your interest in him up. Now that you've taken over the control of the breakup, you've removed the power from him and he's panicking. He's going to get needy and desperate on you. Now tell me, who started the game playing? If he truly wanted to break up with you, he would have done it without hesitation. Sounds like he was just trying to make you jealous.

I could see a guy doing this if he was just dating you, but noone needs this kind of crap in a relationship.

Mecurious?

Does this sound reasonable to you guys?

Hmm.. Nope!

If you found a suitcase full of diamonds or case full of $100.00 bills would it take you long to figure out whether or not to keep it?

But first lets address this...

I asked him if there is someone else and he said no. I kept asking and he finally said there is someone at school he has been talking to but that is all. I do not believe him.

Okay, so now where getting somewhere. He's obviously found interest in someone at school and he's trying to put you on hold to see if it works out or not. If the other person he's "been talking to" is also interested in him then he will probably dump you completely or you will end up just being a plaything on the side. Sounds like he’s taken a few classes on how to be a player.

Okay, here’s what you can do. If you have a few male friends that you trust why not ask them to help you out and maybe one day invite that friend over (again make sure its someone you can trust) and then call your boyfriend up and then make small talk, act as if your very happy and on top of the world, but don’t say anything about the relationship. After making small talk for a little say “Oh there’s somebody at my door can you call me back in five minutes?” then let your male friend answer the phone, believe me this will make him stop and think!

It may sound like game playing, but sometimes you have to use a little psychology to get what you want. If you think its unfair then you need to realize that what he’s doing to you is unfair too. Otherwise, if he doesn’t sound concerned that you have a male friend over then he may already have his heart set on someone else. I don’t see what you have to lose.

That’s my take on it anyway.

Merc’

Mary

He thinks he is too young to be in such a serious relationship. That we got involved too young. He feels like he is missing out on something but he doesn't know what.

Translation: He wants to go party his brains out, and have sex with other women before he "really settles down" with you. In other words, he wants to see if you'll still be there waiting for him when he's finished screwing around. Actually, he's right. He's extremely immature to be in such a serious relationship and you should tell him that. He's 25 for god's sake, not 17.

Sandy no one can tell you what to do, but in my opinion, I would have serious doubts about this guys level of committment to you. If he feels he's missing out on so much, let him go. He'll realize the big mistake he made. I wouldn't answer his calls any more either. He obviously wants to have his cake and eat it too.

rem

I went through this last year. Ended up in divorce. Hardest time of my life. Couldn't sleep nights... bad dreams about the breakup... waking up only to find that it wasn't just a dream. It gets better with time, though.

Sorry, no real advice here. Just feeling for ya.

rem

Mecurious?

I went through this last year.

Rem, was it you or your wife who decided to leave the realtionship?

Merc'

Country Girl

Sandy--

You are obviously a very bright, articulate woman with a heart of gold. You don't need all this yo-yo business: you need someone who is going to treat you with 100% honesty and devotion! You deserve it! Yes, it sounds like he's a little too young and confused for such a serious commitment. Take his word for it: do YOURSELF a favor! It hurts much worse when someone such as this dumps you for someone else.

Many hugs and I hope it works out for the best.

CG

sandy

I must say thank you for all of your advice.

I am not sure though if I was fair when asking for it because I did not give you the entire story. I left out one detail that I believe and my boyfriend swears is the root of our problem.

I am too embarrassed though to admit to everyone what the problem is.

I do appreciate all the advice you gave me.

I am confidant my boyfriend does not have another girl in mind. I know in my heart that he loves me and wants what is best for me and himself.

I realize now all I can do is try improve myself and see what happens. My boyfriend and I agreed to see each other one day out of the weekend as opposed to Friday through Sunday. I know we will probably see each other more because we really are good friends and we enjoy our time together.

Maybe we do need a breather or maybe I just need to prove to him I care about myself enough to fix my problem. I do not know what is going to happen with us and that is the hardest part for me.

Maybe he is too young and needs more experience. I just know that right now we are not able to let go completely. We really communicated to each other this weekend as we normally do but I think this time I not only really heard what he had to say but I also accepted it.

I was forced to think all weekend. I realized that my boyfriend makes me want to be a better person. If things do not work out between us then I know the next guy I get serious with will have many of the same qualities as him. I am not trying to put myself down but I think my boyfriend would be focusing on finding someone with qualities I do not have. That is a sad reality I was forced to see.

My boyfriend is very responsible and is always looking towards the future. I am opposite, I am always living in the here and now. I think that is the underlying problem that manifests itself into something else. The problem that I am too ashamed to admit.

I did pick out a handful of people to share my real problem with and I got some very interesting feedback. Thank you.

I hope all this made sense.

bluesapphire

Sandy, reading your posts makes me smile. You're such a good girl. Don't let any guy give you a complex about anything about yourself. it's good to want to improve yourself. We should all strive to be better. But don't let anyone make you feel inferior. You're great!

I could really use some advice

Share this