Abuse was the only reason I left. Posted on the net in 1996.

cat1759

Jehovah's Witness Elders
Abused My 4 Year Old

When my son Matt was three years old, he was molested by his 26 year old aunt (my sister in law). I noticed my son acting out with his little sister the things that his aunt was acting out with him. Being one of Jehovah's Witnesses all my life I had no idea what was taking place.

One day, I asked Matt why he was kissing his sister with his tongue. I had never done this to him, and I wanted to know where he learned it. "Auntie Carol", he had said. I said, "OK, but this isn't right and I will tell Auntie not to do it to you again." Then I asked, "Does she do anything else?" To this day I have no idea why I asked that question. It just came out of my mouth. Matt replied as he lifted himself off the seat and stood so I could see what he was doing. "Yes, she does lots of things. Just like this."

He proceeded to touch himself like he had been shown to do. He went into details of things I hadn't done with his father. We had no pornographic literature. I then told his father. We discussed it, and felt we should take it to the elders. In the meantime, I had made a doctor's appointment with our family physician to make sure Matt was fine.

The elders came to the house and interrogated Matt for a long time. They felt that Matt was clinging on to me, and that I was feeding him the things to say. This was very unfair and untrue. They felt at the kingdom hall they would have more of Jehovah's spirit. So, off we went a week later to the hall for an elders' meeting.

By this time, I had taken Matt to the doctor. Matt was going to start therapy. Yes. The abuse had taken place, and she was the abuser. This is what the psychologist had stated. It was an open and shut case. The therapist took Matt into the office after we went in and talked. Matt felt very comfortable with this doctor and was able to say things that I hadn't begun to ask. The doctor gave me the best compliment. "Cathy, you have done everything by your natural inclinations, and there is nothing that I can tell you to deal with this. Keep doing whatever it is, you have done a good job handling this."

I got to the car and sat and cried and prayed. I felt so useless. How could I have even let this happen to my child? Where did I go wrong? What did I do to make Jehovah so mad at me? Why did he take this out on my child? I had just got done home schooling my kids, and they were off at their grandmother's house. We had come back from the assembly that day we found all this out. My son deserved so much more.

Well then, we still had this elders' meeting scheduled for Friday. Two weeks had passed by now. We went to the kingdom hall and waited for the show to begin.

That is exactly what this was, a show. The elders, Bruce Maillet, Mike Shields, Mike Pandiscio, were to head up the posse. One of them came out and said they wanted to take Matt in by himself. He had turned a whopping four years of age, and well, he was adult enough to handle this situation. WRONG! Well, being the naive people we were, we let them take Matt. They felt my ex (who was my husband at the time) and I would be an interference to Jehovah' spirit. Gee golly, sorry about that fellas. I was mad.

My ex walked Matt to the back room where my ex's sister was standing. The fear Matt must have felt when seeing her. You see, she had also threatened Matt if he ever told. He was such a big boy walking into the room, and his eyes were saying, "Ma! Don't let them take me back there by myself. Please!" Well, my heart was in my throat, and I wanted Jehovah's impartial decision. I let him go. My heart and mind went screaming through my soul. In those minutes I could only hear my heartbeat pounding, and remembering what the psychologist had told me. "Your basic instincts are good, follow them."

My ex came back and was shaking and mad. His eyes were in so much pain for our son. He said, "Cath, Matt was told to sit right next to my sister. He is sitting right next to her. How could they do this?" We told them not to sit him next to her.

That was all I needed; I could bear no more. I went running to the back room and slammed into the door. By the way, the door opens from the outside; so, by the time I got the door open, they knew I was there. I looked at Matt and said, "Come on, you don't need this. It is over. Let's go."

They told me I was interrupting Jehovah's spirit and it flew out the door when I opened the door. They said that they were going to have to take my actions into consideration and they might have to disfellowship me. They yelled, "How dare you do this!"

So many things were going through my mind, but I knew in my heart what the elders had done was wrong. I gathered my son in my arms and we left. My ex was mad that they were going to disfellowship me, so he went back and used very bad expletives on the only two that were there. They told him they were going to have to take into consideration both of us, and that we would be informed about our actions. They would let us know if they were going to disfellowship us.

Good. Whatever..........

I later talked to the therapist, and he told me I should have gone with my instincts and gone in with him. I never should have let him go there by himself. Yes. My feelings for my son were confirmed by the therapist that I had done a good job trying to handle all of this. My ex did the best he could. He felt so much rage and guilt for what his family had done to all of us he couldn't take it anymore.

This case went to trial in The State vs. Carol Miles. She pleaded guilty to assault and battery, which carries the same sentence as indecent assault on a minor. Matt didn't have to testify. They had cleared the whole court room for his entry. Unlike the elders, the court realized my son was a little human being with feelings. They wanted him to feel comfortable. And guess what? The Judge never asked me to leave. Matt was allowed to sit there right by my side.

The aftereffects of this case have been phenomenal. I lost a marriage. My children have now been so informed of everything. Knowledge is power. My children realize never turn their backs, they never know who is waiting to hurt them. Also they know that there is a God, but he doesn't control people's actions. They also know life is meant to be lived, not meant to die before we have lived. Jehovah's Witnesses are waiting to die. They live for a dream.

After the trial and all the hard stuff left, the feelings came. My Matt came out to the clothesline one day and said, "Ma, I waited up for you and dad till I couldn't wait up anymore, so I could tell you what Auntie Carol did to me. Why were you and Dad so late?" I turned from my son and the tears came running down my cheeks as they are telling you this story now. You see, I had the greatest trust in this aunt, for she loved my children as much as I did. Or, so I thought. I believed she was the only one good enough to babysit my kids.

I no longer blame others. I was the one without the knowledge. I only had inner emotions and feelings, and I never let them pass anymore. If I feel upset about something I say so.

The elders were so wrong. Who did they think they were? I wrote to the Society, but at this time I was no longer going to the meetings. I guess my letter got filed in the garbage. I am sad after all the years I had given to the Society. I won't give anymore.

This letter has been good for me to write. I had needed to move on and find my space. By doing this, I know maybe just one other person will know they are not alone. It happens on grander scales than we can imagine. Mine is just one little crystal in the sand.

Cathy

obiwan

What is there to say?

Gamaliel

Your letter was excellent. There are no worse crimes than those against children. It makes my blood boil. (I have 3 children). Your doctor was right, too; you have good instincts for a mother. JWs tend to take away all natural affection sooner or later. You still have yours.

I hope your letter, as it is above, is on many other sites where JWs are likely to see it. Is it on the silentlambs site?

Good luck getting through all this, and the best for your son, too.

Gamaliel

SisterLiz

The anger I feel right now is incredible. I can almost feel my face turning dark red. It's incredible how full of themselves these elders are. I can't believe the way they handled your situation. What ended up happening to your ex-sister-in-law?

core

My own experience is similar but I am not qualified to express it as well as you have - the elders are neither qualified nor capable of dealing with this sort of thing and should back off -

if its a crime call the police the elders are abusing children by conduct such as you describe and they should rot in hell for adding to a toddlers burden.

Its been said before but what an outrage against God these people are - Do they ever sleep at night ? Yes because they are not left worrying over the mess created as long as they have obeyed the branch office / legal-service desk

Country Girl

Like you, my son was abused. I can't tell you the shock and horror I felt, but I guess u know. I only hope your little boy got lots of counseling to deal with this outrage. I hope to God that those elders will have to answer to some ultimate power for their negligence.

I applaud you for the courage it took to post this story, and I hope, in some way, that it helps. Your boy is a very courageous person and he should be applauded for his bravery in bringing this story to you.

CG

cruzanheart

(((((Cathy))))) (((((Matt))))) My heart bleeds for both of you, and for your ex-husband. Please, please let us know how Matt is doing now. Please, please assure him that he is loved by every single person who reads your story.

And please, please tell me that Auntie Carol met a hideous end or, at the very least, is in a great deal of pain somewhere.

Nina

cruzanheart

Oh, and by the way, abuse is an EXCELLENT reason to leave. It was Big Tex's reason, and a good part of mine.

Nina

calamityjane

I am sooooo sorry that you and your son had to go through something so terrible. By writing this letter, I'm sure you find that it is good therapy for yourself.

What upsets me with the jw mindset. Is where do these elders, "the society", get off making themselves out to be their own little community to deal with criminal acts such as this. They are not schooled or trained in legal matters such as this. That was not their place to take your little son into a room. That was a doctor's, police, social worker's, etc. place to do that.

If that was my child, I would have never confronted the elders, I would have went straight to the police, arrested your sister in law, and then when the elders found out, after the fact, well then they could try and clean up the mess that the congreation would have been in after the $hit hit the fan. I know that's how I feel now, but when in the borg, you do as the borg do. Its sad that the elders are put in this type of power. They are just mere men, put on a pedestal, after doing a bunch of brown nosing.

Take care

Love

cj

waiting

Hello again, Cathy,

I had no idea. I'm so sorry your family had to go through this all-too-common scenario. With child sexual abuse & with the WTBTS abuse on top of it.

I've read your account on another site, I think? I remember I was appalled at the audacity of a group of men - normally with no education beyond grade/high school, pretending to be social counselors, policemen, doctors, judge and jury. And the WTBTS encourages this stupidity......and the local jw's buy into it.

You did, I did..........millions of others did/do too. It's called being in a cult. We were True Believers. Even though our inner senses were still working, we stomped them down - we had "trained consciences." We just didn't realize that it was the WTBTS who "trained" our minds.

Sometimes, as victims/survivors, we show our passion/rage/pain and people back away. Your account is remarkably well written. Thank you.

waiting

Abuse was the only reason I left. Posted on the net in 1996.

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