Abuse was the only reason I left. Posted on the net in 1996. (page 3)

cat1759

Everyone who has taken the time to read this realize that without the help of this forum and a couple of others I would not have made it! There was no light in this world. There was only bitterness, fear of dieing for my children and I.

So when others post about how useful a forum like this is or you feel if you help anyone with your posts you can not even realize the pain and agony some are suffering in silence because of the fear of posting or being found out.

I lurked for a couple months on another forum before posting. I was scared and certainly it was an apostate site. Yep after all I had been through I was so scared and felt so unloved. Then one day I started to post and it was the hardest time to actually type the words but I did it. The love poured out from the hearts of people who had been through what I was going through. Sometimes the pain I felt from them was so hard to deal with. Then people offered to post the story and for those that had done this for me I will never be able to thank enough as their posting the story sent shock waves through the congregation and the people I had known.

I am not well liked in those circles but on the net the love was sincere and honest. They didn't judge me, they just encouraged me to work through it all and find my way.

Without this forum or others like it I would still be in a state of limbo. I went looking and God answered my prayers.

So for everyone here please know that you are loved and cared for even if you don't have the courage to post. We were all at one time where you are at.

For all the wonderful people who have helped me through by emails or words of encouragement you know I made it because of each of you and all of you together! Many heartfelt thanks!

Cathy

rocketman

(((((Cathy))))

Another lousy job by jw elders. More heartache and hurt needlessly compounded by Pharisaic elders who care more about their religion and how it appears than they care about people. Very sad.

oldcrowwoman

My response to Cathy. "And to stand by your son who is gay. Is a testament in the relationship. I apllaud you."

Most definitely a compliment. The reality for GLBT is famlies is they cut off the relationship with the child. Whether they are jw's, exjws or others are in the world. I as a lesbian don't have the support from my family who are not jw's. I am touched when I hear a mother or a father stand by their children.

Attending Gay Pride last month. In the parade their were 2 blocks long of parents, family and friends . Who are supportive. They had a standing ovation all the way down the avenue. And every year I cry when they go by. Wishing my family be among them.

I was surprised by the response. I do struggle with articulating sentences and gammar. What I do know it comes from the heart.

old crow woman

(I have'nt learned how to cut and paste yet)

cat1759

To everyone,

Yes it was hard. It was the hardest lesson that I learned in my life about love and life.

What do I take from this lesson? What do I do to move on? Where do I go from here? Do I allow others to dictate to me how I should act or can I find this in myself? Alot of questions and to much pain at the time to answer. As time goes by I learned.

Oldcrowwoman,

Your post made me laugh. He is my son and I don't care what others think. I have asked to go to gay pride and go out with him to the bars to meet his friends. I tease him all the time about taking me with him. When he is ready and comfortable he will invite me so I must give him his space right now. He has brought some men home to meet me and they are just as wonderful as my son. When he comes to visit me we sit and laugh at all his adventures. We have the best time catching up. I could not even think of what my life would be without this son. He is an amazing person just as you are.

I feel bad that parents can't let go of the stigma and enjoy their children. My god we gave birth to our children. They are the fruit of our loins...lol...I didn't go through all that work to dismiss them later in life. I wish I could wave a magic wand and dismiss the pain of all but hey I am not God. He needs to start doing his job.

It is not our fault that parents can't see past their indoctrinations. My mom loves me but will never except who I have become. Just wait till the latest news hits her. I took the easy way out according to her. In her eyes I gave up on a faith that I knew all my life for a child that was part of me. I love my mom but she no longer dictates who I am or who I have become. I respect her in spite of her disrespect for me. I don't have to live in her shoes and she does not have to live in my shoes. In spite of it all I will always be there for her, except when it comes to the religion.

I do have my breaking points.

Cathy

DannyBear

Cathy,

****They are the fruit of our loins...lol...I didn't go through all that work to dismiss them later in life. I wish I could wave a magic wand and dismiss the pain of all but hey I am not God. He needs to start doing his job.****

What a concept eh? Why jw's can do that very thing is simply a reflection on the type of god they worship.

Your comments ring with sincerety and humility. I think your not as loony as you suggest.

Danny

Mystery

(((Cathy)))

Deborah

rockon

Cathy, this is the reason I left. It didn't happen to me or my family, but I have heard of others and it is heart wrenching. I just went to Florida to visit my friend, a jw. I heard of another case in the Crenshaw Lake congregation. This case never got to court, but all the abused children are feeling the effects. Yes, the elders have no business doing what they do. They (the elders) are rotten to the core.

Kathy

cat1759

Dannybear,

I may not be looney as I suggest but this girl likes to have fun!

My sister (bless her jws soul) had four kids. I love those children. She shunned them after they were dsf. They were little elder children. It looked bad. Well those kids mean the world to me and I am the only one that will listen to them. My niece seems to be living a parellel life to mine and it hurts. Although she is doing it much earlier in life than I did. I had talked to her about many things. When I found out that she was going back to the hall I felt such a sadness as can not be described. I knew what she was going into. I refused to talk about what I had come to learn in my own findings as I felt she had to find her way in her own time.

I have always been the blame in my sisters family if this neice didn't do what she was told. I did not want to sway her one way or another. When she asked me to read her chart and if i would still talk to her I said yes of course. Except I wont talk about things that I am learning until she makes up her mind. I have to respect where she is at and what she is doing. Meanwhile, something happened and she realized the depression and where it was coming from. She has since decided to stop going. Gave new meaning to rejoicing for me.

I can not add guilt upon guilt when someone is trying to go back. She has no one. She was homeschool from 8th grade on so she has no friends. We live 800 miles away. She has two loving parents but how much love is being shown here? I don't fault my sister as I know what is going through her mind. My sister is a nervous wreck because of it all. The pain and suffering inside the family circle is emotionally hard because they don't want to displease Jehovah. For a group of men to have this kind of control over love is beyond my mentality. But i was there I know.

You can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink. They have to find their way on their own terms. We all did.

God is love! This sums everything up in my book.

Cathy

DannyBear

Cathy,

****You can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink. They have to find their way on their own terms. We all did.****

I believe this is so true......for anyone to lay claim to any fame for extracting anyone from the grips of jwdom, is in most respects hogwash.

The individuals mind has to be somewhat receptive to the alternatives. Jw bosses (gb/elders) are very good at restricting this trend. Thus they harp on and on at conventions/meetings similar to the recent post revealing the talk on Listening to Strangers............I could almost hear the door hinges creaking, and soft groanings of horrid ghosts with evil intentions, while forcing myself to listen to the bullpucky.

That is why I continue to post here. Iam pretty damn sure my oldest daughter is reading this site. So I take every opportunity to point out the historical and religious dishonesty about her inherited religion.

I think it may be sinking in. She actually talks to me. Yipppeeeeee!

Danny

czarofmischief

I noticed in your letter a strong tone of guilt over listening to the KULT and letting them talk you into letting Matt enter that room alone with his abuser.

Feel no worries, my friend, about the things you have done under the Uberkult's grip!

We all did things, rejected people we shouldn't have, made other people feel bad, put other people through a needless cultish wringer... the point is that you have NOW, that you have TODAY, and you can make things better for tomorrow.

I'm not saying that all guilt is unjustified. I myself will never quite get over all the women I hurt during my spiritual flailings. But I try to improve things by helping the girl I'm with now, by being the best person I can possibly be TODAY, and avoid letting my guilt paralyze me. Rather, it motivates me. It becomes a spur, driving me on to be a better person.

Peace be with you! Rise up! Defeat the cult in your mind, and there will be no battles you cannot win! Make your mind a fortress of love, peace, and joy - defended with the warriors of truth and honesty!

CZAR

Abuse was the only reason I left. Posted on the net in 1996.

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