Shunning your Children

by missylissy 29 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  mizpah

  Richie:

  I know how difficult this situation can be. My wife and I have been separated from our daughter and her children for 20 years now. We have always made it very clear that our house would always be opened to them and we would always welcome them back should they desire to come back. And we continue to pray to God that their hearts may be softened by Christian love to have association with us once again.

  No matter how painful or difficult the situation, God always seems to provide faith along with patience and long suffering to endure this trial. You have found the key. You are not drowning in your own selfpity and regrets. You have found a new life filled with new associations. And God has blessed your life.

  Congratulations!
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  missylissy

  would it be any different if someone just sory of faded away from the witnesses without being disfellowshipped or formally disassociating themselves? would they still be shunned?
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  Shakita

  That is where I am at this point, missy. I am neither DA'd or DF'd, and I have not been to a meeting in about a year and a half. I still meet witnesses I know from time to time in our community, and they still talk to me. I have noticed that this "talk" has been a bit strained lately, and I wonder how much longer I can hold on to my "inactive status" without being disassociated by the elders. There have been those on this board who have refused to meet with the elders when they asked them to a JC meeting, and they have been disassociated by them regardless of their absence.I still have family who are JW's, and I do not wish to make life difficult for them. In the end, the elders will do as they please, I suppose, and I will have to deal with that when it comes.

  My husband and I were told, in so many words, to shun one of our family members. We refused, and left the organization instead.

  Reading all those here who are victims of JW shunning, just makes me want to cry.

  Mrs. Shakita
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  Vanant

  missylissy, from what I've seen in the congregations I've attended, it really depends on the family . . . in the Organization book, I think it says that families can still have contact with their DA'd/DF'd children, so they don't have to kick them out, but spiritual things can't be discussed (the same goes for children who are unbaptized publishers, if I'm remembering correctly). Common thought in JW culture, though, seems to be that DA/DF'd people are more or less dead to their families. But while some families cut off ties completely, others have gone on business as usual. I noticed that the Spanish-language congs seemed to be less strict on this than the English-language ones . . . Since it was just my own experience, I don't know how accurate this perception is. I've always thought of it as being due to cultural differences; I think the concept of the extended family is given higher reverence in Hispanic culture than in Anglophone culture, with its emphasis on the individual.

  Anyway, it really just depends on the person. Like with my mother's family, where most of my aunts and uncles DA'd themselves young, after being raised JW . . . the family members who are still JW, such as my mother, have normal relations with the ones who left. But people like my father think DA/DF'd people aren't to be associated with at all, so he tries to restrict our contact with my mom's family. People like him wouldn't hesitate to throw their own children out of the house for leaving the organization. So I have to make thorough preparations before I DA myself.
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  obiwan

  I've known some to do this.
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  Gadget

  For a teenager living at home I would definitely recomend fading rather than DF/DA. It would depend on how close you and your family are, and how strong spiritually they are. Have you discussed this with them? If you talked about it with them, and they were really unhappy about the situation(And they probably will be), Would sitting in a hall for a few hours a week until your old enough/financially able to have your own place be too much if it stopped them nagging you about it. I would tell them how you feel, follow the house rules by attending meetings if they say you have too, but not do any other things as a witness.

  Gadget
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  mizpah

  missylissy:

  Generally speaking, when a person makes a "fade out" it is usually because he moves to a different area and never makes contact with the local Kingdom Hall. If he tries to do this in the area where he is familiar, elders will usually make a call upon him to determine his status in the congregation. They will try to encourage him to return and to participate in the activities of the congregation. If he refuses, they will then try to determine whether or not he wants to "disassociate" himself from the congregation.

  If a rumor about a person in this category gets around the congregation "gossip line"(and it usually does) the "cold shoulder" treatment will be meted out by the "brothers and sisters" in the congregation. However, this person will not be officially "shunned" unless it is announced that he is disfellowshipped or disassociated.
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  unique1

  would it be any different if someone just sory of faded away from the witnesses without being disfellowshipped or formally disassociating themselves? would they still be shunned?

  I am in the process of this right now. I don't live at home, but my parents can still speak to me if I fade away. Every can speak to a fader, but it is possible for them to be shunned a bit as well. Alot of times they will not be invited to gatherings or warmly welcomed at the hall, but if someone is trying to fade, they don't care about that stuff anyways.
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  Emma

  would it be any different if someone just sory of faded away from the witnesses without being disfellowshipped or formally disassociating themselves? would they still be shunned?

  As others have posted, it depends on your family. Though I faded, mine treats me as disfellowshiped or DA'd, but they have always been fanatical about "being righteous." Other families are not such zealots. How has your family reacted to other families in this situation? Maybe you can try to figure out how they might react to you. Please take your time in figuring this out and know you can come to the board at any time.

  Emma
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  run dont walk

  When a young JW Teen ( 13-16) Disassociates themselves, or is disfellowshipped, will the parents kick them out of the house? or are they required to let them stay?

  Every set of parents are different, I like the point made "depends on how strong in the religion the parents are.", growing up in the borg, I saw young people/friends get thrown out because they had enough of JW land. This may of made me stay a bit longer then I wanted too, I was 17/18 no job, no money, I would sit at the Kingdom Hall dreaming/fantasizing "how am I gonna get out of here". You would hope that parents would still try to help their children as much as possible, but in my family this didn't happened, I to this day still ask my parents "At what point in your life, did the Watchtower become more important than your children." I have yet to get an answer after 18 years. It's like they try to make life as tough as possible, hoping you will come crawling back to the Kingdom Hall, and saying that famous JW line "this is what happens when you leave the organization.", But I made it (it wasn't easy), I have more money and property then my family put together and it bugs the sh-- out of them.

  would they still treat that person like a member of the family until he or she is ready or old enough to leave the house? then shun them? or will the kids HAVE to leave the house? if they are DA or DF, are the parents still allowed to have contact with their children?

  Once again, some will, some won't, I have read some many experiences on this board, about people who have not seen family or grandkids in 20 years because of JW land. If they allow the person to stay then yes, they would still treat them half decently, and once you leave it's like you were never born or exist. Makes you wonder how the people at the Watchtower sleep at night, any parent who would shun their own children because they don't believe in the Watchtower should be slapped.

  I don't know if this helps much, but if you have more concerns feel free to PM me, anytime,