(2003-07-25) -- The White House announced today that the U.S. does not really have the dead bodies of Uday and Qusay Hussein, and the two are still on the loose somewhere in Iraq.
"We showed those fake pictures yesterday in hopes of re-establishing some credibility with the Iraqis," said an unnamed senior White House official. "We just thought we had to do something after we lied about Saddam's weapons of mass destruction. So we figured another little lie might patch things up. But then at a meeting last night, one of our top generals says, 'Hey, what do we say when Uday and Qusay turn up alive somewhere?' And, of course, no one had considered that before."
In related news, a leaked White House memo warns administration staffers to stop lying about things that can be "checked out or verified or disproved."
U.S. Admits it Faked Hussein Brothers' Deaths
by George W Bush 23 Replies latest social humour
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George W Bush
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StinkyPantz
LOL
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rockon
Really??? I don't watch the news, too depressing. This is too much. lol
Rockon.
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Elsewhere
Yeah! It's true! I saw them hanging out with Elvis at Starbucks today! In fact, both brothers ordered Caramel Macchiatos!!! I never would have guessed them for having a sweet tooth!
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Satanus
Yah, those hussein brothers were just pretending to be dead. They were holding their breaths. They made big bucks for that, and also new identities and all the girls they can handle.
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Brummie
This thread is too funny GWBush.
I knew the president would show up after he found out just how much support he had on this board.
brummie
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George W Bush
Yes I appreciate all the support I get.
Have you ever noticed that famous Democrats like Bill Clinton, Ted Kennedy, and Jessie Jackson seem to lie all the time? Well they're not really lying! You just need to learn to speak Democrat. That's why I've created this handy, dandy, translation guide so you can understand what Democrats actually mean.
Our opponents refuse to compromise on this issue: The Republicans refuse to do everything we want.
That charge is outrageous: That charge is true but you shouldn't have brought it up in public.
We're united behind president Bush in this time of crisis for our country: We're going to cut president Bush off at the knees every chance we get.
Honey I need a little quiet time right now: I got drunk and drove a car containing a campaign worker I was boffing off a bridge. She's dead, the car is at the bottom of a tidal pool, and I have influential relatives to call and people to bribe before I call the cops so can you cut me a little slack?
Every vote must be counted in this election: Except for the military vote because they tend to go Republican.
The era of big government is over: But the era of Godzilla sized government is just beginning if I can help it.
I did not have sexual relations with that woman: We had sex on every piece of furniture in the White House.
I think we need to take a closer look at what's going on in this industry: I think we need to strangle this industry with red tape and new regulations until it's so screwed up that we have to take over.
We must address the root causes of this problem: We must not do anything to effectively address this problem. Instead we must raise taxes and pour dump trucks worth of money into whatever unrelated issue we have decided is the cause of the problem.
No justice, no peace: Give us money and we'll find someone else to bother.
He's in the pocket of big oil: He was once seen filling up the tank of his car with gas.
I didn't inhale: I was so stoned that I thought I could fly.
I have no information about where my former intern is: That's technically true. I told the guys I hired to kill her that I didn't want to know any details.
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Satanus
It's so reassuring that republicans:
speak only truth in plane language,
have sex only w their spouces (never on sundays),
smoke only legal tobbacco,
steal money fairly,
kill only scumbags that deserve to be killed......
SS
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Jayson
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Letter from Niger
Recieved: Sunday, July 13, 2003 11:00 PM
Dear Mister Gaorge Bush:
Please keep this in the strictest confidense. You do not know me, but my name is XXXXXX XXXXX, and I am the grandson of XXXXXX P. XXXXX, in charge of the nuclear programme of the African country of Niger.
For severale years, my grandfather had been secretly selling radoactiv materiels to the little known country of Iraqe. He was given the sum of twenty million dollars by Saddem Hussan, of Iraqe, for this materiels. When my grandfather was discovered, two years ago, he was shot by the government. The money from those sales however remained hidden to all.
Before he was caoght, my grandfather shared with me his secret, and gave me instructions on how to move the moneys out of the country. In order to do this, I need the help of a trustworthy American friend and this is why I am seeking to write to you today.
In order to recieve the moneys I must pay a fee bribe of twenty thousand American dollars. I do not have this moneys. If you can send to me these moneys, I will split my grandfathers moneys with you.
Please tell nobody of this message, for I fear I will be in grave danger if it is known. I am relying on you, George Bush, to keep my secret. Respond to me and I will tell you how to send the moneys to me.
Your frend,
XXXXXX XXXXX
(Name withheld for security purposes) -
George W Bush
It's so reassuring that republicans:
speak only truth in plane language,
have sex only w their spouces (never on sundays),
smoke only legal tobbacco,
steal money fairly,
kill only scumbags that deserve to be killed......
SS
I am glad to be able to reassure you. I always sleep well when I turn someone away from darkness.