Extra Junk in the Trunk?

by rem 30 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Descender

  My wife comes from a large family. Her parents and siblings both have a hard time with weight issues. Her mother, father and sister have all been up to about 300-350 pounds before.

  My wife was about 120 pounds when we started dating, which was pretty skinny. Eventually she got all the way to 180 pounds after we had been married for awhile. It never made me feel mad or cheated and I didn't discuss her weight with her because she was very self conscious about that subject.

  After awhile she decided to do something about it and started working out regularly. She's dropped 45 pounds and now she's an excercise fanatic. She works out doing high impact aerobics at the local gym 6 times a week and on top of that she lifts weights 3 times a week. She's still self conscious about her weight and I have to tell her at least 5 times a day that she looks beautiful and doesn't need to lose any more weight. She's still not satisfied with her weight even though she has a body like Beyonce from Destinies Child. But I like it.

  I hope she can't get any skinnier.
• 

  Mecurious?

  She's still self conscious about her weight and I have to tell her at least 5 times a day that she looks beautiful and doesn't need to lose any more weight. She's still not satisfied with her weight even though she has a body like Beyonce from Destinies Child. But I like it.

  I like it too. You lucky bastard.....

  Merc'
• 

  drwtsn32

  changed on you and turned into a different person?

  How does gaining weight change who they are?
• 

  rem

  How does gaining weight change who they are?

  I think it can. If the change in weight is due to lazyness or a lack of respect of your body, then that may not be what the other person bargained for. In a way, he/she was tricked into thinking this person respected him/herself and his/her mate enough to take care of him/herself.

  I think your outward appearance can and does show at least a little and sometimes a lot about who you really are on the inside. I don't believe in the whole - it's only what's on the inside that counts crap. On stuff that you have control over (e.g. clothes, hygene, piercings, weight, etc.) there is stuff that counts.

  Do I have to be the PC police 'round here?

  rem
• 

  Buster

  Am I a jerk for feeling sorry for the skinny mate?

  I don't think so. Let me relate my story, and you'll see why this topic caught my eye.

  The women (my mother and sisters) in my immediate family are fat. Not pudgy, or 'carrying a few extra', ... fat. I always detected some disatisfaction in my dad because of it.

  Anyway, when my wife and I were dating, I told her staight out - "Get fat and I'm gone." I told her that I had no intention of introducing a fat wife to friends and business associates. I told her that I found her stunningly attractive and that was one of the reasons I wanted to marry her. Now for those that are thinking 'what an ass,' I am not talking about wafer thin runway model here. But I expected her to take care of herself.

  For those still thinking, 'what an ass,' read on.

  So about a year and a half after our son was born, I was disatisfied with the pace at which she was losing the weight. One evening I went into the kitchen for something, and she asked me to bring her the cookies. I walked back to the couch, sat down next to her and asked her if she remembered what I said before we got married. She knew exactly what I was talking about. I asked her if she thought I was kidding. She cried, got mad, and I wasn't sure where it was going to go.

  Ok, she got to work - with excellent success.

  Another evening, she sat on the same couch, I complemented her on her progress. I meant it sincerely. I saw it as a favor for both of us. Truth is, she looked great.

  So here's the kicker, immediately after I complemented her, - and I remember this as clearly as if I had heard that Kennedy was dead - she turned to me and said, "Your turn."

  I got to the gym, dropped fat, gained muscle, and made lots of new friends playing racquetball. That was six years ago.

  Moral of the story: Telling my wife that I would not tolerate her staying out of shape, was the best favor I ever did for both of us.
• 

  drwtsn32

  Buster, do you have flame retardant clothing on? I think you're gonna need it.
• 

  bluesapphire

  I am afraid I'm going to sound like a hypocrite here. I can't stand fat men. My husband was wafer thin when I met him. He was so cute. I loved that I could hug him around his waist and it would feel sooooo nice.

  I had never had problems with weight. I was never wafer thin. I always had curves in just the right places (Beyonce only a petit version). So I had an attitude and couldn't stand fat people. I was down right rude (mentally I never voiced it).

  Well lo-an-behold after a couple of years of marriage I started gaining weight. At first only 10 lbs. Then soon it was up to 20 lbs. WTF! I wasn't doing anything differently. I wasn't eating more. I never used to exercise and I didn't exercise still. My husband doesn't really like thin women but I was getting past the "chunky" stage.

  Well, I did phen-fen and you know now I regret it because my heart murmurs. And I gained the weight back anyway. It turns out that my metabolism is slowing down (I'm in my late 30's) and I also have hypo-thyroid. But the meds don't make you lose weight.

  So now I have to live with the fact that if I want to be how I once was (or even close) I will have to work hard to do it. I will have to diet my entire rest of my life and work out every day. Do I have time to work out every day with a new baby? Hell no!

  So I am disgusted in myself. My husband has gained about 50 lbs. too and you know what, we're both fat and jolly. And I am over the not liking fat people thing. Do I miss how it was when we were both so thin and we could hug each other and there would be a flat line between us? Of course I do. But I know it will probably never be that way again unless we suddenly win the lotto and I get a maid, a chef, a nutritionist and don't have to work so I can work out for two hours a day every day.

  Life goes on and I'm so glad I'm with who I'm with and I'll take him no matter what. -- ALL OF HIM!
• 

  Prisca

  Due to the attitudes of guys like rem and Buster, I'm glad I'm overweight. Here's why:

  I've been overweight since I was 7 years old. It's due to genetics, childhood trauma, bad eating habits and a sedentary lifestyle. I had parents that easily gained weight, and the weight has never been able to be lost easily. At one stage I lost 20lbs and looked good, but that still wasn't good enough for some guys. I gave up, and I'm now comfortable with my size. I'm not so overweight that I can't walk through the door, but I'll never be a skinny lizzie.

  So all of this breaks through the BS that many guys have about their women gaining weight after marriage. With me, what you see is what you get. If you can't stand having a fat wife, then that's your loss. You miss out on having a wife with a healthy sexual appetite, who's loyal and loving and all that you'd want a wife to be.

  At least when guys show interest in me, I know that they're showing interest in me - me as a person, not an image that they hope will never change.
• 

  funkyderek

  Birth control pills alone are a major cause of weight gain. I am not talking 50 lbs. I am talking 5-10 lbs. Then you get pregnant. Add another 10-20 lbs. you cannot lose.

  Maybe you're using the wrong brand of birth control pills, if you're getting fat and pregnant.

  My girlfriend is thin and fit. If we got married and she stopped exercising and put on loads of weight then I would feel cheated. If I wanted a fat wife, then I would start by having a fat girlfriend.
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  OrbitingTheSun

  If appearance matters to you, tell your partner from the start so that he/she knows that this is important to you and can decide whether or not he/she still desires to further the relationship with you. After that point, you are justified in being upset if your partner changes his/her appearance because you notified the person within reasonable time for him/her to move on without being seriously hurt.
  
  With that said, I personally don't care about the shape of someone's body and would not further a relationship with someone who was that concerned with appearance. Beauty AND health come in all shapes and sizes. So, if I were married and my husband were to lose weight, gain weight, lose all his hair, and/or his teeth I wouldn't care because beauty emanates from within and seeing a person evolve is part of love.
  
  Admittedly, I would be upset if my partner developed habits that were detrimental to his health, like smoking or drinking excessively, but that is different from weight gain/loss. Fluctuations in weight happen naturally. Unhealthy habits, even if they are a response to stress, come by choice. Bad eating habits (I don’t mean going to McDonald’s, I mean serious eating problems) can be included in this category, but I would not be upset by the physical change. I would be upset that my partner was endangering his health.