What should I do

Ariell

I confessed to my Mom two days ago that I'm no longer a believer. She took it pretty well, better than I thought she would. Of course she now thinks I'm being influenced by Satan. I'm trying to prevent going to the extreme (dissociation), but considering what I'll go through if I don't-constant inquiries from the elders and those in the congregation, which I'm sure will eventually lead to me being disfellowshipped-it seems like the best option. It'll be at least another year before I'm prepared to leave home. I'm thinking I should get my family use to the idea of me being dissociated, instead of hitting them with it right before I leave. Any suggestions?

drwtsn32

If you talk to the elders and tell them how you really feel, you will definitely be DF'd or they will "encourage" you to DA yourself. If you don't want either of those things, you shouldn't talk to the elders at all. You also may not want to really talk about it with your family; as good JWs they would be expected to kick you out of the house if you didn't return to the congregation.

As far as your mom saying you're influenced by Satan... of course she thinks that. All JWs think that anyone with a different opinion is being influenced by Satan. It's a standard trait in any cult.

Best of luck!!!

SixofNine

I would say avoid dissasociation at almost all cost. A bit of nagging here or there won't kill you, and really, it is always an opportunity to show them how unrealistic their view is. A well placed slightly sarcastic but true remark and an eyeroll here or there can work wonders. Unless you know that your family will treat you the same either way (da'd or not); but that would be an unusual witness family. Most witnesses, I believe, want to find a way around shunning their children, but most feel they have to draw a line somewhere. Try not to make them feel they need to, or will benefit (benefit you or themselves) by, drawing a line.

Hamas

Ariell.

I will PM you tomorrow. I know exactly what you are going through.

I went through exactly the same with my mum only 12 months ago.

Please, I will PM you tomorrow.

Peace to you.

Brandy

I would try to avoid being DF'ed so that you do not loose family.

I have seen the pain that a few have gone through where parents will not even talk to their own child. It is very painful. Very sad.

It is much better if you can just walk away. I feel that this is much easier for everyone. The shunning rule is sick!

I wish you well.

brandy

Reborn2002

I, like Hamas, can sympathize and relate to your current dilemma.

Almost two years ago I disassociated myself from the Jehovah's Witnesses. If you took the time to read my profile, it would explain to you that I was born and raised into the religion as a 3rd generation member. My grandfather had been a baptized Witness since the middle 1940's. My mother is currently 55 years old and she was BORN into it.

Jehovah's Witnesses have shown their Christian love time and again. My brother told me to my face what a shame it would be that when I was destroyed at Armaggedon and our grandparents were resurrected how he would have to explain to them why I was not there, but the remaining family would live together in Paradise and get over it. If you only knew how badly I wanted to punch him in the mouth! To compound upon that, I have a nephew who is approaching 2 years old that I have spent no time with. Heartbreaking isn't it? Then my mother tells me how she must have failed as a parent and that she regrets me being born if it meant only to be destroyed by being part of this "wicked world."

You see, the mind-control indoctrination these people have suffered has caused them to shun family and treat them with almost an unbelievable amount of cruelty, all while convincing themselves they are actually committing an act of love.

You are now in a similar predicament. You must weigh your options and choose what is best for you. On the one hand, you do not have to answer any of their questions and could attempt a "slow-fade" in which you sporadically attend meetings and play the role long enough until you are ready to live on your own. On the other hand, you could disassociate yourself and make it publicly known that you reject them, and suffer the consequences of such an action.

Realize that if you disassociate yourself, you are playing by their rules. Where is it written that this is what you must do? It is not. In likelihood they may find an excuse to disfellowship you anyway, so this is why you must be proficient at acting as though you believe, and never admitting to them you do not.

An excellent website for research into the Jehovah's Witnesses doctrines and rules is found here:

http://www.quotes.jehovahswitnesses.com

Every quote is taken directly from Watchtower literature. It is more difficult for them to refute you when the contradictions come from their own publications. Atypically they reason that "New Light" has blessed them with a better understanding, but any rational person can see the truth.

Good luck.

garybuss

Learn to be a pragmatist and to make decisions with your head and intellect and not with your emotions. Fear and projection are bad decision making tools. Learn to do that which is in your own human best interest. That means go with that which ensures education, meals, warm beds, medical care, path to financial security, and least stress.

Next, do that which protects rapport with all people important to you. Settling business is easy later. Getting rapport is hard and some lost will never be regained. In life as in business, try to never close a door. I never heard anybody on their death bed say they were sorry they kept all their relationships. Fight yourself to keep them. If the family and personal relationships are fractured, they win. Give em a loss. Make a win plan and work it.

Best wishes, GaryB

expatbrit

Ariell:

You mentioned that it will a year or so before you are ready to leave home.

What if your parents booted you out before that? Could you manage?

I ask that, not because I'm trying to frighten you or anything (far from it), but because it is a definite possibility that you should realistically consider, even though it may be unpleasant.

If the answer to those questions is no, give some serious thought about whether you should slow down your exit for a while, even play along with a study or encouragement received.

You see, you are going up against a cult here, and unfortunately (and bitterly, I know) your family are slaves to the cult. This means that any leverage they have over you they may well use, even if that be of the brutal kind such as threatening to throw you out of the house.

This is why people who want to leave either by fading or by disassociation, must get the groundwork done first. They must be planned and prepared, and able to support themselves independently. They cannot allow the Watchtower to have any power over the situation, for they will use it to keep you captive.

So, you may want to think about enduring for a while longer before making the break. Leave home, get your own place to live, and become financially self-supporting (if you're not already). Also, become reconciled to the possibility that you may lose meaningful contact with your family. That way, when you make the move, the Watchtower cult will have no power over you, no hooks to manipulate you with.

Sun Tzu put it simply in The Art of War. "in war the victorious strategist only seeks battle after the victory has been won".

Best of luck

Expatbrit

sunshineToo

Either DA or DF, you'll get the same treatment. If you are not ready to DA yourself and don't want to get DF'd, be inactive until you are ready. Go to the meetings with your parents. You don't have to go out in the service. But being at the hall might protect you from being DF'd.

Good luck. I don't know how old you are. If you are a teenager or in early 20s, go to college and get a career.

I hope things go well for you.

RunningMan

My strategy has always been: Shunning is a childish game. I refuse to play it.

JWs have specific rules about who they can and can't talk to. These are their rules. They are stupid rules.

As far as I'm concerned, disfellowshipping and disassociation do not exist.

What should I do

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