Memories from the Edge

by neat blue dog 16 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  neat blue dog

  When waking up it often isn't an instant switch, there's a period of time when your conflicted feelings are heightened and most uncomfortable. Can anyone remember specific instances in the time before you fully woke up that made you uncomfortable or guilty, despite you still being a 'believer'?

  I can think of two right now, both about a year or two before I woke up:

  On one I was on a "Bible study" at the part in the Teach book that talks about blood transfusions, and the student expressed some concern. Of course my partner and I went all in espousing cell salvage, volume expanders, risk of disease yada yada. At the time I had no idea of the extent of harm and deaths that had resulted from it, but even then I felt a little guilty afterwards for down playing the dangers.

  The other was when I gave a talk about the "earthly hope". It was just about the time that I began noticing the lack of evidence for it in the Bible. While writing the talk I realized how flimsy and superficial the whole thing needed to be out of necessity, as there were no scriptures that could be used without being partial quotes and/or out of context, and emotion/humor was relied on heavily over substance to carry the thing. I felt guilty afterwards, even though I was getting pats on the back all around, because I knew it was deceptive and intellectually weak. Still, I wasn't fully convinced and chalked it up to that maybe there was something I was missing or just didn't understand.

  Any stories to share?
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  Vanderhoven7

  Note on the ministers sermon...

  "Shout here...point is weak"
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  neat blue dog

  True 😅 It's ironic though how most JWs are convinced that their every belief is based on air-tight logic. If that were really the case, there would be nothing to fear from "apostates", even those who only use the Bible.
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  ZindagiNaMilegiDobaara

  Hi All

  For me it was an instant click and the pieces fell apart. I remember it was with regard to a convention, then 3 more letters read about it at the same meeting. That was it for me (wont go into details).Immediately took myself off the Jdub grid so to speak. I wouldnt encourage anybody else since about the religion period.

  Peace.
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  neat blue dog

  Was it them trying to drum up funds?
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  Addison0998

  I think I had a lot of those, but one of the big ones was the convention with the bunker videos. At that time, I was a die hard witness, I would literally rehearse my arguements defending my religion for opposers in service. But when I saw those bunker videos, my jaw silently dropped, I was very uncomfortable by them. I felt like it was a quite overboard and I actually felt a little embarrassed by it. But I just overlooked it and tried to keep my feelings inside.

  And before my pioneering “privlege” was taken, I was starting to get really bored and frustrated going out in service. I was spending way more time with these wacky delusional bigots who talked about health problems waaaay more than I was talking to anyone about the Bible.
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  Stirred

  So many things came up for me during total JS when I had a study..... why some elderly were oraised for making no time for hobbies...plenty of time for that in the new system. That made me so sad and could not defend their stand to make it reasonable to have no hobbie iuraide of service, meeting prep, socializing with JWs and existence. Eyes and ears kept being pricked till I ventured further to investigate and then the flood gates opened...
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  Xanthippe

  Still, I wasn't fully convinced and chalked it up to that maybe there was something I was missing or just didn't understand. - NBD

  Yeah I remember that feeling. I never understood the ransom sacrifice but everyone seemed to be fine with it. I understood the internal logic of it but objectively sacrifice has always seemed wrong to me. When I asked others what they thought they looked at me as if I was stupid.
  

  I struggled when they said we couldn't just study the Bible with people it had to be a WTS publication. Asked my friend in another circuit to tell me exactly what they said at her assembly. She treated me like a full-blown apostate, 'but it's from Jehovah!'.

  Surely the point was to teach people about the Bible? It just felt wrong to refuse to do that if they wanted it. Bells really went off in my head when that idea came out, but still I stayed!
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  WillYouDFme

  My big conflict didnt have to do with thinking maybe JWs were right.

  My conflict came form two other things.

  1. I was an elder for a long time and saw how elders in my hall often did so many stupid things that negatively affected the congregation or individual members. Most of this came for having Uneducated, Ignorant, Power hungry elders (who were not bad people) that thought they were doing the right things but were really not. Almost always feeling they had to be the RIGHT HAND of god dealing out punishment. I hated that so much. Also they could not speak or teach their way out of a paper bag.
  I Felt that I needed to stick around to help mitigate the damage.
  

  2. I spent years of hard work and special training I paid for to become a very good public speaker and teacher. I really enjoyed it and people responded with great appreciation.

  Mostly because I was real and spoke to issues that made a difference in people's lives, and not just following a stupid outline. I talked about love a lot as well. I was used at conventions on talks that elders don't generally ever give. I also was giving the big talks at Elder Schools.

  I LIKED IT. Since I gave up a real education and pursuing a career I really wanted to just do work to get my, this was my MAJOR VALIDATION in life.

  It was hard giving it up.
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  Roddy

  The time we kept rehashing the "Revelation" book at the book studies over and over and over again. The way they, the WTS, kept talking about themselves in the book. Was there nothing else to talk about? What did they have to keep proving? Became a real bore. That's when I felt I was being indoctrinated. That was the vinegar in the milk for me.

  I was also concerned of the constant literature push. I saw and liked the placement of Bibles but saw less campaigns of that. Among the conversation starters among the pioneers were the count of hours spent or the count of magazines placed. Any count of Bibles? Anyone?

  Then there was a couple of COs where I can sense they were tried of being the fountain of constant spirituality and encouragement. I often wondered, "who encourages them?". There were times I really wanted to take the POs and their wives out for simple entertainment that didn't require spirituality but in itself harmless. Like go play miniature golf or watch a little league baseball game just for the laughs. But I felt I'd be ridiculed or disciplined for not doing something preaching or spiritual.