Coping/Living/Understanding

by justangel 17 Replies latest jw experiences

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  JWTom

  Hello justangel - Welcome.

  I would say the feedback Desirousofchange has given is what has worked best for me as someone that realized - all is not well as a JW - much later in my life. I grew up and progressed in "the truth" almost exactly as you did - baptism at 17, pioneering, bethel for quite a few years, MS, Elder. I am PIMO now for many complicated reasons. My thoughts:

  Relationships: You may have to be fake so that you don't cause a rift with everyone you know. Especially your parents or any other family that are PIMI. It is okay to do that and you may want to explore what it means to "fade" as a witness. My experience is that there are many in the local congregation that are PIMO and starting to connect with those for social interaction could be helpful during this time. As I have faded, I have found many good social connections in the cong. that are good to be with socially but have no concern about how much you go out in service, comment, attend meetings, etc. My social life as a witness has improved as I have faded. Of course that means I am less connected to elders, MS, pioneers and that is fine with me.
  

  Fading: Fading is probably the most important thing I have learned here. Fading to me is simply continuing over time to reduce what you do as a witness - comment less, study less or not at al, field service less, stop pioneering for a good reason (such as stress), attend fewer meetings and so on. There is an art to doing this...but it can be the most important thing you do so as to not "rock the boat" too much with friends/family.
  

  Education: Take advantage of as much of it as you can get with your parents help. It is like an insurance policy or financial investment that will pay off dividends many times over what you are spending on it now.

  Counseling/Therapy: If your mom is supportive of you getting help for anxiety, stress or other feelings you struggle with I would say to 1000% definitely look into it. I have gone to counselors or therapists before and I look back on it as some of the best decisions I have ever made. Think of it as getting a sports coach or investment company to help you with making important decisions when pursuing a sports career or big financial decision. Going to a counselor to help with this for 6-12 months could be great. If you do this, you MUST have the courage to be in the conversations without your mom or anyone else present. And be adamant that you want to have the sessions on your own. Of course mom and dad can pay for this which is what any loving parent would do for their daughter that they want to excel as a person.

  Happy to share more, but those are some thoughts on specific items you mention.
  
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  justangel

  JwTom- thank you SO MUCH for that! It’s incredibly helpful and comforting. I am going about this as a fade route for now so I don’t, like you said, rock the boat too much. I’m definitely a PIMO myself, struggling because 14-15 year old me used to be this overly-happy-constantly commenting-spiritual-girl that my parents now hold against me. Saying that I’ve changed for the worse and am just going through a phase, which in my heart I’m not.

  And with my anxiety, my parents don’t think it’s something I should go in for or get any prescription drugs for, which in understandable to a degree but therapy is definitely out of the question. They’d say that my life isn’t THAT terrible and I don’t have problems SO BAD that I need to talk to a shrink, then just say therapists use certain tactics to talk to you. Or my favorite: “you don’t need a therapist when you have us”

  but another note, is it stupid to feel anxious around my family for them being so involved with “the truth”? I feel like their teachings go way overboard especially with this pandemic that it’s a “sign of the end” and it’s freaking me out. My parents pull a ton of the religion sh!t on me like “this is all from Jehovah” and “did you know the Bible actually says...?” There can’t be one normal f$#%!@g conversation without the Bible or religion being dragged into it. This is real life. Every other person on this planet does just fine without “the truth”. I know you have to be careful, the world is a scary place and it’s easy to get into trouble. But I don’t know, just the way they act so cultish makes me panic sometimes

  sorry just had to vent
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  Vanderhoven7

  Hi Angel

  Your parents love you and want the best for you. Like the Watchtower, they are simply using repetition in the hope that you will grow to doubt your doubts.Feel sorry for them, do all the research you want into the organization but i recommend keeping your doubts and disagreements to yourself. I know it is and will continue to be hard. I think it wise not to try reverse witnessing strategies on them to get them to change. "OK let me think about that" could be a common phrase in your vocabulary to ward off further discussion.

  What you especially don't want is for your Mom to become frantic about your listening to satan and call in the elders to give you spiritual counseling which may lead to disfellowship.

  Hang in there Gal and stay connected with this forum.

  God bless
  
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  JWTom

  Angel - It is definitely difficult to manage the view of someone in your household that feels like "all is good being a JW and we should be extremely happy to just keeping doing more and more in the truth" when that is not how you feel. My spouse is mostly PIMI and while I have been fading for a number of years there are still many things that come up that are difficult to manage or respond too. It slowly gets better over time and in reality there are many JWs that do not care what you do...if in general you treat people with respect, are kind and a fun person to spend time with socially.

  As Vanderhoven7 says, avoiding confrontation and redirecting the conversation or ending it as quickly as possible will limit the pain of what you are experiencing.
  

  
  
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  cyberjesus

  what you are experiencing is what millions of young ones now living are experiencing right now... and millions of us experienced at one time before.....

  robots will act like robots... your parents and all JWS are robots.. they don't think... they have a specific set of answers and questions for everything... they will react exactly the same way... all of them..

  That gives you an advantage....

  you can anticipate what they will think and say for every action or statement you make.

  either you learn to live with it... or start planning your escape... but you will do it alone... unless one of the robots close to you is unplugged as well.

  Don't lose your cover.
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  justangel

  cyberjesus, I do have a friend who I also PIMO as myself, a little younger but sharing the same viewpoints. Now we’re moving away so I won’t even have her aside from occasional visits.
  I’m just exhausted from dealing with all of this. They never make it easy to just live a normal life. I’ll be cornered and pressured into pursuing new friendships at the new hall. Pressured into D2D and studying again + meetings, commenting, and hall get to togethers. Not only does the religion have their grips tight on me but so does my family. Feels like the walls are closing in
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  jhine

  As one of the tame religious nuts on here ( Anglican from birth ) firstly welcome .

  Then l would like to point out that JESUS , yes that bloke , said that no-one knows the hour or the day when the end will come . Not even HIm , only the Father . So why the GB thinks that it knows better is beyond me (although theories about control through fear tactics are probably right ) They have been proved wrong on many previous occasions , which makes them false prophets .

  Jan
  
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  Fadeaway1962

  Hi justangel welcome

  Sorry to read what your going through ,

  Physiological manipulation and coercive control is used by JWs who claim to love you and have your best interest at heart in the same way domestic abusers use it to control their victims as someone on the road to be a survivor of both .

  You could think about possibly contacting a domestic abuse agency's and explain the situation at home , there very good at listening and it's anonymous and confidential.