by awokenjw 34 Replies latest jw friends
Awokenjw, when you were an active Witness yet acting contrary to what you were teaching, your public preaching was in effect a performance, doing what was expected of you.
I want to know at that time did you think Big J and Armageddon and paradise were real things?
Supposedly Jesus died to do away with the mosaic law and allow people to gain salvation even as inperfect beings, but the way the Watchtower does things you would think that never happened. I think the religion almost forces people to live double lives, they make so many rules and silly requirements that no one could possibly live up to the standards with the inevitable result that people end up feeling so guilty it adds stress and negativity to their life, making them even more vulnerable to lapses in judgment. This puts them on the guilt/repent/"vow to do better until the next time" roller coaster and this cycle keeps people occupied and not thinking about the failures of the organization itself.
If people had the freedom to use their own conscience as a guide then they could live a more balanced and sane life and would be less likely to crack and do really stupid things. And what if when people did make mistakes they were kindly helped instead of being judged, you know, like in any non cult religion.
When I think back now, there were clearly many married young guys, elders wives even elders who had not only internal conflict, but fallen to the side of 'false' in weighing up the 'truth'.
It all seems so obvious now. Those melancholic, quiet members of the cong who everyone judged, but were lovely people.
Now that I think back on it, I don't think I remember a time when I actually believed any of it. I must have believed at a really young age but not in the past 10 years.
I can say from my own experience of living a "double life" for at least a year, that it is probably quite common. For me, what caused what little faith I had left to become completely extinguished, was when despite my habits of drinking to excess and getting high on a frequent basis, I was actually appointed as a Ministerial Servant. As Witnesses, we were taught that congregation appointments were made by Jehovah's Holy Spirit. It did not make sense to me at all that the Holy Spirit would have appointed me to that position given what I was doing behind the scenes. At that point I became fully conscious of the idea that this was a man-made and man-run organization, and not one that had God's blessing or direction. Another take on this is I've had several siblings become disfellowshipped at one time or another (long after me), and they would occasionally tell me what they were doing but ask that I don't tell our parents...now if you really believed that this was "the truth" then you would be in fear of God's displeasure and not your parents'. Even the most recent shunning video that has been making the rounds provides the message that the only reason for desiring reinstatement would be to be reunited with your earthly family, and not actually with Jehovah. I've met many, many disfellowshipped ones in my life and they almost unanimously have told me the primary reason for wanting to return is to be reunited with friends and family. No one, NOT ONE, has ever told me because they believe it is the one true path to a relationship with God. Very telling. If you're interested in what I have to say about my own reflections on life as a former JW please check out my blog at https://separatedfromtheflock.wordpress.com/ Thanks!
