by dubstepped 34 Replies latest jw experiences
SafeAtHomean hour agoTotally awesome! Happy Birthday to your wife. Imagine what a fine "unwitness" it was for everyone there to find out just how controlling and whacko the JWs are! 🎂
Giordano - I know this is a huge problem....making new friends for many who leave the JW life. How did you manage to have such a terrific support group?
My wife and I have cleaned houses for many years. Over that time we got to know a lot of families pretty well, and when our world was imploding as we found out TTATT and woke up they were there for us. We couldn't hold it in and told them what was going on. They supported us every step of the way and we formed good friendships out of it. That is the majority of our support group, I think.
However, once out I reached out to every ex-JW I could think of that I knew locally. I started finding people on Facebook and reconnecting. There came some more friends.
Lastly, we had people reach out and invite us to things. We went to our first ever cocktail party and met some new people and made some new friends there, one of whom came to the party and was a huge help. We've gone to other little get-togethers and have pushed ourselves really hard to get to know people. Our story is a HUGE hit that is vulnerable to tell, and people like and trust people that are willing to be vulnerable. I'm telling you, use your story, not in some manipulative way, but it is fascinating to people and makes you stand out.
We had so many other people that just couldn't make it. If everyone we invited came we would have probably doubled the number there.
Maybe it's because I like business and marketing, but if you don't have friends, just like if you don't have customers, you have to tell everyone. Our "business card" is our story. Our "nurture marketing" is befriending people on Facebook and posting real stuff, not just funny videos or political stuff, but again being vulnerable and real (though not overly so as to come of whiny or needy). Our "referrals" come from attending events and trying hard to use our "business card" and just being real with people. I know it is hard, and can be paralyzing, but when you're broke and you need work you at least should do everything you can to find it. We needed a social circle, and we did what we could to make it happen even if uncomfortable.
Cangie - BTW, since I don't know all the rules and niceties of social etiquette, would it be o.k. to throw myself a party next year?
It is perfectly acceptable. My wife even looked it up online. For you, I would highly recommend using your story to help promote it. People will rally around you if they know you've never had a birthday party. They will feel good because they're doing something very rare and unique and meaningful. You will feel good because you're felt and seen and heard. Make it whatever you want, and have fun with it.
Tips: Again it may be the marketer in me but I realize that people are busy and need to plan ahead. So we made a Facebook event and added everyone we invited to the event about two months in advance. Then we talked about it as we saw people to keep it fresh in their minds. As we got a few things together for the party like a venue and cake, we'd tell everyone more details on the event page which again puts it in their mind. My wife had invitations printed and we made sure that everyone had one about 2-3 weeks before the actual party. Finally, the weekend before I sent out one last notice on the Facebook event page, one final reminder and how much we hoped to see everyone there. People are busy in the summer with kids' baseball games and church carnivals that they help run and vacations, etc. So we made sure we kept our event in their minds without becoming annoying. Each time there was something different that would pique their interest.
I don't know why, but maybe the name of a game got this post flagged as NC-17? Anyway, I edited it out, and it still had the label, so I reposted below without the name of the game in it to see.
Edited to add: I guess it was the name of the game. It is just a set of two boards with a hole in each and bean bags that you throw at it. I guess one could call it "Maize" hole?
Thanks for all of the positive comments so far. We had such a good time that we didn't even play the games we had planned for. We even bought prizes for the winners. It was just so overwhelming with people coming in and greeting everyone that it just went past us and time got away. We had some other games and nobody really played because most people were just talking and enjoying cake and such. I purchased a nice speaker and built a playlist specifically for the party that was fun and friendly for kids as well in case I needed to build energy in the place and didn't need it. Mostly people just talked and ate. My wife made a board with photos of her and her past and present life and people loved it. She did open gifts in front of everyone. She got lots of cards for 1 year olds, and someone bought her a real Strawberry Shortcake doll, complete with strawberry smell, which was awesome. My wife had a blast. She was so wound up she couldn't sleep last night, and this morning she's going through all the things she got again and looking at pictures of it. I even took a time lapse video of the whole thing from setup to tear down so she can watch her entire party, all 5 hours, in just 2 minutes.
HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY and many more, sweet young lady with the wonderful husband!
Marina
Thanks, Dub. I need to apologize...my 65 year old brain forgot the "party" (not really any fun, just cake) that I gave in the Senior Citizens apartment building where I am living presently. Half of them were falling asleep, the other half would not join in any activities or dancing, so that hardly counts. I will use some of your ideas this year and invite a different crowd, and I intend for a "good time to be had by all." The other party was about as much fun as a JW "gathering." Sort of deja vu...lol
I remember our kids' first Xmas after we wrapped in going. They were just at the right age and it was a wonderful day.
Haha Cangie, I understand. The 4th of July party I went to was something my friend was invited to and he asked if I could come. He had friends there and talked to them and I was just an outsider through the whole thing. It was like I crashed a family reunion where everyone was happy to see each other and having a wonderful time but me. I tried to initiate conversations and the people gave me one word answers or maybe once sentence tops and showed their disinterest in discussing things with me. It was b-r-u-t-a-l, but like I said the fireworks display was very nice. There was good food too. I tried to explain how I felt to my friend and didn't know if he was getting it so I told him that if I wanted to be ignored I could go to a Kingdom Hall. He got that for sure. Those deja vu moments are a little jarring. Go have your party, and have fun!
Man dubstepped, you are an AWESOME gift giver! Guys usually don't have a clue, but you tailored everything to what she likes and prefers. Don't want to generalize, but men just don't pay attention. After years of marriage most men, who are otherwise wonderful husbands, couldn't even say what their wives favorite ice fream flavor is. Your wife is fortunate indeed.
