(((((((((Cathy))))))))))
VOMIT Alert----Unconditional Love per a JW DB-----long (65 posts)
by blondie 38 Replies latest jw friends
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cat1759
Hi Lisa,
This just seems like the month I have to deal with all the issues about family and who I actually left behind.
The post of conversation was eye awakening for me. Maybe it was time for me to deal with the whole issue.
The mother thinks that the ultimate sacrifice for Jehovah was ignoring her own flesh and blood. Look at me Jehovah, I gave her up, never to hug or kiss her again. Look what I did for you, in the words printed in your divine books....look at me, I gave it up for you! I deserve safe passage into the new system because I turned my back on my daughter. The one that loved you beyond words, the one that proclaimed to all she had faith. I did what you wanted Jehovah.
I then went offline took a drive and came back. During the drive I thought about this whole situation. The mother wants Jehovah to find favor in her, the daughter wants to be free of indoctrination and to live life as it was meant to be lived. Not in a hour glass full of sand waiting for the end to come.
How does this daughter of hers feels? Her mom was her everything all her life until she decided to change course. I look at my own daughter, so fragile, so precious, so loving, so willing to give of herself for others and she looks up to me to be there when she graduates, when she goes to college, when she gets married, just to hold her hand as she walks through life. To tell her I don't agree with your lifestyle and I can never talk to you again would literally kill her soul and spirit.
Then I thought about the mother, my mom loves me and i understand the whole situation and I know I hurt her and she does not reach out of her shell to others, even after dad died. I have hurt others I left behind but I can't go back and the love is conditional on going back. Such an ambivalence of pleasing Jehovah and loving a child.
If this is love then why does it hurt so much? It feels like the North and South are fighting again but just in the realm of religion.
Cathy
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micheal
1. Why doesn't the Bible or the 'faithful and discreet slave' use this term?
Clearly these people cannot think outside the box that they are imprisoned in. If the 'faithful discreet slave" doesn't say it than it is satanic. Don't really remember fds saying to wipe your butt after going number 2, I guess that's satanic too then. -
blondie
Cathy, I'm sorry. I didn't know this would drag up so much. People seem so together on JWD.
My mother is a manipulative woman. As a JW she knew her children were being molested by her husband, my father. But she did nothing because she didn't want my father to leave or be taken away. So when I started fading it was no sacrifice to not see or talk to her. In fact I had ended contact about 3 years ago because she is so emotionally abusive to all of us in spite of her weekly indoctrination at the KH.
It sounds like there might be a caring person inside your mother being held back by the fears the KH puts in people about DFing.
I think many of these JW mothers and fathers, etc., do care but put up "nasty" barriers to protect themselves. It's all or nothing with the WTS.
Blondie
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cat1759
Blondie,
It is obviously the time to deal with this whole thing for myself. You see earlier this month I sent a email message to mom as we don't speak on the phone. So it had nothing to do with this post except the fact the old hurt comes up and it is time to deal and put it together.
The bantering back and forth about unconditional love and how it could be a product of Satan just shows me really how lame the jws are in their thinking. If they read the scriptures in Matt 22:37-38 they begin to see that Jesus stated love. Their definitions and interpretations are bothersome.
I emailed mom about things that I saw in her life that might have given way for religion to take over. It was the first time she recogized my words as having any merit. Albeit I was not honest with her as I took all the knowledge of her astrology chart and fit it together. I guess that is what hurts, I can see past all the crap and I can love her in spite of it. I can also see were I played a part in hurting her, this added more pain to her life and I never meant to make her life any harder.
Had I not studied something so condemning as astrology I would never have known my real mother. I would just have viewed her as a vindictive bitch.
What I did learn this morning is that I have made a difference in my life and that of my children. I didn't turn my back and stay in the religion. I gave them a little something more to build on than I was given. Even if our soul and spirit are crushed we can rise from the flames and we can make a difference by not doing the things that were done to us.
So Blondie this post was extremely hard for me but the results for me of your love and time have helped beyond mere words. Thank you.
Cathy
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cat1759
Blondie,
Your experiences from childhood are horrendous also. The fact your mom did nothing as my mom did nothing is just pitiful. Is this really love? If so let me off at the next corner because I know there is a boat waiting to take me to the closest leprosy colony.
Cathy
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waiting
Hey Cathy,
Stepping in here..................
The bantering back and forth about unconditional love and how it could be a product of Satan just shows me really how lame the jws are in their thinking. If they read the scriptures in Matt 22:37-38 they begin to see that Jesus stated love. Their definitions and interpretations are bothersome.
That is such a good point. If one puts merit in Jesus - or any other wise person - love is love. lol - doesn't the bible say "God is Love." Just like all their other doctrines, they must chop the idea up to suit their own purposes..........which is, keep the followers blindly in their cult.
I guess that is what hurts, I can see past all the crap and I can love her in spite of it. I can also see were I played a part in hurting her, this added more pain to her life and I never meant to make her life any harder.
I think that's the point. A person can hurt us to the core, or we even just get too tired to play into it anymore....but we can still love them, if it's in us. We don't have to demand "don't love." We may not love them....but it's in us - not a biblical command.
Had I not studied something so condemning as astrology I would never have known my real mother. I would just have viewed her as a vindictive bitch.
Well, she still could be a vindictive bitch - there are those, yanno. And you could still love her as your mother. This is lame humor, btw - but still true. It's great that you can see your mother as a jw, a person, a mother.
Take care.
waiting
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berylblue
Cathy, Blondie....my heart goes out to you.
In my case, my daughters are shunning ME but not for JW reasons....it's a long story but I really can't take much more of it. Did I really raise such unforgiving people? Although I guess they just had enough of my emotional illness. Sad, because I'm starting to get better.
I miss them so much.
i wish my mother were alive. She had her faults, but she tried her best and she really loved us all very much. I know she would hold me and tell me that she loved me, even though my daughters no longer do.
Mother, I'm here and waiting....
Rosemarie
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blondie
rosemarie, just keep improving. Sometimes all we can do is parent ourselves.
Blondie
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LDH
Posted by Miss Latte on 12-18-2002 06:48 PM:
Hope, I am in the situation with my oldest child, and I can tell you, it's very hard.
She was always doing well in the truth. At 2 she loudly proclaimed "We don't celebrate Christmas" in the grocery store when asked what she wanted from santa. At 3 she would sing kingdom songs at the top of her lungs from our apartment balcony. At 17, when her dad went off the deep end and got DF'd and left, she tried valiantly to carry on, but the things that he did crushed her. Then the ensuing gossip, and the sudden death of a life long friend, I guess made her feel that Jehovah didn't care. I tried so hard to help her and get her help. But at age 19, she got disfellowshipped and now, at age 25, she is WAY out of the truth and very bitter over her experiences.
For my own sanity, I had to separate from her emotionally, and just try not to think about it. Thankfully, she moved up to Seattle several years ago so I don't have to see her.
Do I still love her? I try not to and try not to think about it, but she is my first born child. I can't just obliterate that love.
Now we have been strongly counseled not to have anything to do with DF'd relatives. And I want to say, "Please, Jehovah, just let me have a little time with her before she dies." We can't do that , though, and not many people have compassion for it. Most people have a very tough stance about it. So, I go on and try not to think about it...
So I guess you would say that, no, my love for my child can't even be unconditional.
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Agape,
DebbieWith a mother like this, who needs enemies? And yet, this is how my parents feel about me. I hope the young lady can find her way to a support forum, or at least has made a good life for herself!
This truly disgusted me.
Lisa
Repulsed Class