Calm down Sinboi. You have not been worshiping an EVIL D.O.G. God is who we want him to be.
A prophet from the 13 century.... Rumi...... said this:
"Silence is the natural language of God......... everything else is a bad translation."
In short....... all religious holy books are simply bad translations of that silence. All religious books reflect their culture and they tend to try to explain who and what god was, is and will be........ in terms of their earth bound beliefs. This is why a book like the Bible is inconsistent.
You happened to be raised in the JW culture which may have the worst record for contradictions. Please check out jwfacts.com and the sub topic "flip flops" to read in their own words what they have flip flopped on.
The WTBTS has tried in vain to describe who or what Jehovah is. The proof in the pudding is........they don't have a clue as they have had to throw away their first hundred years of false beliefs. They have also managed to take their beliefs into area's that have resulted in the untimely and often needless deaths of thousands of JW's........ mainly because of a ban on blood transfusions, transplants for over a decade, vaccines until the mid 1940's and 1975 predictions of the end of this old world which caused many to sell their homes............. give up their jobs and or businesses....... run up credit debt, and postpone dental and other health care as they waited and waited and waited for the rest of the world to be destroyed so they could gain a healthy paradise earth. Which by the way, is never mentioned in the Bible.
The beliefs you are trying to shake off are about a paradise earth built on the bones of billions who did not accept the JW dogma.
What has been going on in our posts to you specifically....... is to allow you to start to see the reality.....and for most of us it's better to pull the curtain off the WTBTS then to submit or pretend to believe what they teach. But you need, for your families sake, to be careful. That cognitive dissonance can be a bitch with one's believing friends and family.
Your on the right course with your concerns and doubts, but know this......... your brain is still growing. You are not who you were at age 6, you will not be who you are at 16 when your 26. By then you will at times be cringing at some of your mistakes, beliefs and values. Calm down and give yourself the opportunity to grow. Keep your thoughts to yourself but feel free to come on this site and blunder around. Remember..... this is your tribe..... ExJWs and fading JW's. We've all been where you are now. Amazingly..... you are so much younger then those of us who walked away.
Think about it.......... your voice and your concerns have reached thousands of ex JWs world wide at this point
And know this........ we will put up with you........ if you can put up with us. We will be wrong some of the times, as you will be....... but you will not be thrown under the bus.