I was a born in JW and was carefully "inculcated" (their term) from birth and was trained to think that being "inculcated" was a good thing even something to be proud of.
The notion of the resurrection became real to me when Mom died. She was raised and spent her young adulthood in Europe and had a beautiful accent and way of expressing herself that was unique to her. I realized that in the new system, the country that she came from would no longer exist and we'd all be speaking one language and eventually we'd all sound, look and think the same for all eternity without end. Visiting one region of the world would be the same as the next and eventually we'd be sick of everything. "Let's go visit Mexico". "Why bother...we've been there literally ten thousand times and they do everything the same way we do".
I realized that if my Mom came back, she would meet my children as adults rather than having had known them since birth and they would view her as just another person because they hadn't bonded with her since birth. All of our photographs of the past would either have been lost in Armageddon or would have been disposed of because they were memories of the wicked system of things and probably would not approved for viewing.
Then both my Wife's Father and My own Father, died young unnecessarily because of the JW imposed blood issue and that was the beginning of the end for me. I began to ask myself if the hopes I had for the future were really mine or someone else's. Is wanting to live forever simply an example of human greed and shortsighted thinking that I'd been taught? Why would living forever give life any more purpose that it has already?
What I'm trying to tell you is that many JW's are living a poorly thought out fantasy that keeps them going and when things get real, they either have to keep themselves from thinking too deeply or they have to face the painful realities of life that they've been avoiding. Just try talking plainly to a JW and you'll see how upset they get.
You are going through this now and you'll have to be patient with yourself for a time because it's a process that doesn't happen in a straight line. There are many ups and downs, twists and turns until you come to grips with you own mortality. Much of the residual JW thinking will crop up especially in stressful times. Even atheists who were once Catholic, call for the Priest when on their death bed, just in case what they were taught in their youth, is true.
It's very freeing once you've rid yourself of other peoples ideas about life because your life takes on a new value and you are free from the shadow that hangs over you that exists when you're trying to avoid reality.
These days I don't try to claim to have any answers about the big picture things in life the way I did as a JW. I have a wait and see attitude and tell myself that if God exists and has something good in store for mankind in the future, there's no reason I shouldn't be a part of it as well and he'll make sure that all is well.
