Struggling to Live a Lie

Addison0998

It’s been very difficult, much more than I first anticipated to live a lie, (be pimo and a regular active member) I still live with my parents but I plan on moving out at the end of the year, so I really need to keep it together. But I think people are starting to get suspicious that something is up. I’ve stopped commenting, going on service all the time, talking at the door, and occasionally voicing something, such as a question that no one has a good answer for, that makes people think, but ahah, thinking is dangerous and wrong so that is suspicious of course. I know it’s stupid of me, but it’s also unnatural to live like this so I’m not too hard on myself. It’s just getting to be too difficult, I just don’t know how to pretend to be brainwashed and mind controlled anymore. I don’t know if I can keep this up for another 6-8 months, and at first Disassociating seemed completely out of the question but now I’m considering it much more seriously. Anyways thanks for listening!

MrRoboto

I feel your pain, I'm in a similar situation though I'm a bit older and my family concerns are similar but different.

Its definitely a soul-wringing experience to live pimo.

I mostly ignore the meeting contents, when I do go. Though its easy to get your feathers ruffled by the theological nonsense and obvious lies.

Sometimes I wonder if I should just D/A or just stop being careful about stuff that will get me D/F just to put an end to it. Not looking forward to the myriads of problems that would suddenly come my way though... And the way of others very close to me. Ugh

You're not alone bro.

JW_Rogue

Don't disassociate yourself! That's what they want people to do, hang in there and keep dropping those little hints to family and friends. Not big stuff just little things, sometimes those click better with people.

days of future passed

Try to find a way to give yourself a break during the meetings. Listening will drive you crazy. Sometimes it will make you mad or want to roll your eyes.

So if you can, write down things you want to do later or write a story - anything that will take your mind off of the lies from the podium. Read something else on your tablet if you have one.

If people want to question you about the meeting - hey wasn't that part on giving the WT your inheritance great?- just nod and ask the same question back at them. Nobody really gets too deep after the meetings anyway. Then just excuse yourself because you've made "plans". Let them think it's service orientated.

Half banana

We all feel for you Addison, what you are going through is what it must be like for thousands if not hundreds of thousands of JWs, rolling their eyes at meetings and impatiently waiting to escape. What a dire cult!

I'm with JW_Rogue here, while you still have to conform, ask simple but thought provoking questions when you encounter illogical statements as if you are puzzled-- it will get others to challenge the stupidity of JW teachings.

The Fall Guy

Hmmmmm. I respectfully disagree with the suggestions to ask "awkward" questions. All that will do is get people to question you! Then prepare yourself for some real trouble from the local wolves.

If you need to fade quietly and painlessly - keep your mouth shut and continue to do less & less.

If you don't care, carry on asking those questions and stirring up minds. I did that in my last congregation (before I faded!) and received some very unpleasant treatment by the elders. JW's do not like having the "slave's" teachings being questioned - by someone who is clearly an independent thinker!

You have a PM.

Diogenesister

Don't worry about commenting. It's the easiest thing to do to get people off your back. Just comment at the innocuous questions....like " Paul travelled far and wide to A, B, C etc" because he did. Your not agreeing with their particulAr nonsense.

And keep asking those questions to f & f but frame it as coming from a puzzled workmate you were preaching too...as in what do I say to this?

Nrs83

I'm a longtime PIMO too... Know how hard it is too...

Lucky I suppose that I've never been that 'spiritually strong'... So I kind of fade into the background...

They told me I can count an hour service/a return visit and a bible study every week for my child... So on paper I look quite good although never do anything!

If what the guys on here are saying about the last video at this years convention is as bad as they say (not watched it yet)... I'm seeing that as my exit door!... Why would I want my child to watch that when I'm suppose to tell them we shouldn't watch 'worldly' films with similar content.

Hope you find your way out soon!

neat blue dog

I strongly suggest NOT to disassociate. That's playing their game. That's making it easy for them to put you in a box with a clear, easy to read label up to par with the average JW's intelligence. That will only invalidate you in other's eyes and, more importantly, cut you off from family. Trust me, 6 to 8 months is nothing. It will be past before you know it, but it can seem longer when you're younger. Wait it out, lay low, get your finances prepared for independence, move, then perhaps fade.

eyeuse2badub

Freedom ain't free ---but what ever the price you will have to pay is worth it!

just saying!

Struggling to Live a Lie

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