WHY THE HELL DO I STILL FEEL GUILTY??!!

by Mary 25 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  teejay

  They call it "indoctrination."
• 

  Francois

  IF you will be totally honest with yourself, you will realize that emotions are choices and you are making the choice to feel guilty. You could just as easily choose some other, more reasonable and desireable and logical reaction, but you don't; you choose the emotion you were TRAINED to choose.

  Yes, you are still reacting to your JW training, as in, "train up a [young person] in the way they should act, and when they are [old people] they will not turn aside from it." Simple as that. Their hold is indeed strong. You need to be stronger. And you will be, just as soon as you realize what's happening to you...your freewill participation in your own downfall. Ever see "The Manchurian Candidate"? Perhaps you should.
• 

  wednesday

  Mary,

  i went through a long period of doing just as u are doing. But then an incident happened at the hall that totally threw it over the line for me. I stopped, walked out and quit. I did not quit believing like them. I just quit going. the believing part has taken much longer and is complicated by a hubby who still believes but is not going.
• 

  gumby

  but for the life of me, after I've missed about 3 or 4 weeks I start feeling guilty about "missing meetings" and I'll go. I'm really frustrated and angry with myself that I can't make the break

  Teejay hit the nail on the head.

  Thats why "mind control" is not a bad word for it as some think. It is intresting to me though that not all who find out for themselves that this is not the truth......react this way. For me to think of going back to what I knew to be false didn't enter my mind. Other types of guilts haunt you from years of indoctrination, but to feel a need to keep going to the hall was not an issue for me.

  Perhaps some are not as convinced as others that what they thought was truth is not truth. There have been some on this board who after much time in denouncing the organisation begin to re-think their thoughts and decide to return to "it".. How SURE are you?

  I would like to say that I really "love" your posts. You speak no BS and tell it like it is........and thats why it surprises me you feel guilt. I guess I don't know everything like I thought I did.

  Don't feel guilt Mary.......you will see it feels good.

  Gumby
• 

  Prudence

  Mary,

  It has been years since I have been to a hall.

  The more I didn't go the easier it became and the quilt lessened as time passed. Now I don't feel qulity at all.

  Prudence
• 

  freein89

  Mary,

  I felt guilty at first, I think we all do, you WILL get over it. Once I made the decision to get out that was it! I delt with the guilt and fear until it passed. It does take some time but is worth the effort. I used to believe that "fading" was for chickens, but I have modified my stand on that. Many here have made the decision to fade, but it must be done carefully. Check some of the old threads here about fading. Some have given step by step instructions on how to fade successfully.

  Some of us have decided to Disassociate ourselves, it is a tough choice. do your homework and make your decision from there. P. M. me if you have any questions or need advice or help on the DA, thing, if a fade is more your style, do the same with "fader". Hey, I just thought of a name for a fader-----DARTHFADER!!!!!!!!!!!!

  Deb
• 

  Undecided

  Sorry you feel guilty. I never felt guilty about leaving, I went back a few times but I think I was just curious about what was happening with them at the hall. I really didn't have any real friends there when I left, I married a worldly woman and they just kinda blamed her for my departure, she felt it and mentioned it to me. If they couldn't accept my wife I didn't want them as friends anyway. My first wife was a JW and left me after we moved away for a while.

  The only religious feeling I have is a desire to know the real TRUTH about the universe, why we are here, how we got here and where we are going. I will never know in this life or probably ever. I do a lot of thinking though.

  Concentrate on this life, every day try to enjoy something you like to do and forget about that old cult life. Guilt will only kill the joy of living now.

  Ken P.
• 

  LeslieV

  Leaving is a process and is very different for each person. Many of us left, such as myself, but it took along time for the guilt to go away. Even now if it is a Thrus, Tues, I think hmmmmmm I wonder what they are talking about. I have no desire to go, but since all my family is still in I still wonder.

  Remember like one poster said it is not love you are feeling, but guilt and responsibility. It is called brainwashing. It is how you have been programmed to believe. You are doing well just coming here and expressing what you feel. Give yourself some time and eventually you will leave for good. Good luck and keep coming back.

  Leslie
• 

  Shakita

  Mary:

  I use to have the same guilt as you, but now it has been replaced with a different guilt....Guilt that I brought my kids up in this cult. Some of the damage to them can not be undone....and I will have to live with that the rest of my life.

  Hang in there, Mary, and let your conscience be your guide. Having guilt about missing boring meetings is a signal that something is wrong somewhere. Have you read Crisis of Conscience by Ray Franz? It really helped me realize that to remain as an active witness and being counted at meetings was helping the organization to perpetuate a lie. That is why I stopped going. I still see witnesses now and then, and they have no problem talking to me...and I am invited to a witness function in a few weeks that I will attend.....I still have many ties to the JW world that probably will be there forever, this is something that I must live with.

  I hope that you find peace with yourself, being "on the fence"(God I hate that saying) is a hard place to be, and I have found that a lot more people than admit to it are sitting on that fence too.

  Take care.

  Refiners...... that poor woman....those poor children....that is one horror story! One thing that I could not figure out was how that horrible woman "found" all those kids.....weren't they missed by someone somewhere? What a sad, sad story!

  Mrs. Shakita
• 

  sunshineToo

  I felt like that when I was a jw and when I was still under their rule. I DA'd and am feeling so refreshingly free. I should have done this a very long time ago.