you choose the emotion you were TRAINED to choose.
You know what, I never thought of it like that before, but you're probably right, Francois. We're told from the day we're born that if we miss meetings or don't go out in Service that Jehovah will hold you blood-guilty at Armageddon. Even though I know Armageddon is not "right around the corner", it's been indoctrined in to my brain all my life, and that's why it's so damn hard to just totally walk away.
Maybe even try another church or something....The Unitarians are open minded and accept everyone. Also, museums, or quiet places for thought might just do you some good.
Yes, I've thought about trying another church........I'm almost there, but not quite yet. Also, I now try meditation (which I'm not really good at), I read the bible WITHOUT the "help" other the Borg's publications and I'm more open to other ideas that I wasn't before.
I don't have love for Jehovah. If I don't feel that, then to me everything else connected with that religion is pointless.
And see, I do. I still believe in God and I believe in Jehovah, but I do not believe for one second that He's directing the Organization.
But my brain rebeled! I would zone out during the meetings. I would even pray about my doubts and boredom while the speaker went on ad nauseum about false dates, obeying the GB at all costs, bow down to the elders, your husband ect. I felt torn for a long time for the same reasons you do - 'friends' I'd miss & family.
I'm lucky in that respect. Most of my friends are now ex-Witnesses (in fact, we're having a BB-Q this afternoon, where all the horrible apostates will be gathered), and I do have "worldly" friends. Also, although my parents are still active JWs, I know for a fact that nothing would ever make them stop talking to one of their children, so I'm not too worried there. It's just that some people that I really care about still go, and I'd be really hard not to see them any more.............
There have been some on this board who after much time in denouncing the organisation begin to re-think their thoughts and decide to return to "it".. How SURE are you?
Oh lordy.........lemme put it this way: I think there's a better chance of me winning the lottery tonight, than them being right and the "true religion".
I would like to say that I really "love" your posts. You speak no BS and tell it like it is........and thats why it surprises me you feel guilt.
Why thank you Gumby! That made my day!
Have you read Crisis of Conscience by Ray Franz?
Oh ya.........I was almost in a state of shock because I read it at a time when I was still about 70% sure this was "the troof". I cried when I read about the brothers in Malawi, was disgusted at the whole 1975 crap and how it came about, and was REALLY pissed off when I found out how and why Ray and others were all disfellowshipped; and how we had all been told it had been for "apostasy".
Thanks for your tips and comments.........I'll make the final break one day.........after all, tomorrow is another day!