Another example of the smothering and high control nature of JW husbands

by stuckinarut2 27 Replies latest jw experiences

• 

  stuckinarut2

  AND, to add to this, what is it about witnesses who think that it is perfectly acceptable to delve deeply into someone's account and check out who they follow, and who follows them etc?

  The level of inappropriateness is mind blowing.

  My wife had a witness we have known for years, delve deeply into her facebook account. He found that someone she follows, follows "an apostate site", so he emails ME to tell me about my wife's account and content!

  I wanted to reply, "sorry ___, but I don't understand why you would feel it was appropriate to even look through her account like that? I'm her husband, and yet I wouldn't even do so. That shows a lack of respect to her"
  
• 

  stillin

  I felt obligated to tell a brother that another brother (an elder) was dropping off things like flowers and candy for his wife at her place of employment. He told me that I should mind my own business and that it was innocent and clean. Maybe, maybe not. If it was me, I would appreciate being told and take a good look at my marriage.
• 

  dozy

  Just my 2C - all the so-called "wifely subjection" stuff tends to be something of a mirage in my experience ( other than the occasional mousy JW sister with a very dominant , controlling husband ) . Most JW wives know exactly how to manipulate things behind the scenes to get what they want, but they play the "submissive" wife card when it suits them. I remember a few times with other elders we all used to joke that our wives were the real "head of our households" and , in reality , we knew that was basically the case.
• 

  Wake Me Up Before You Jo-Ho

  @stuckinarut2 I had Facebook back in 2008. The grief and strife I went through with elders printing out copies of my PRIVATE account's friends list and hauling me into the back room wondering how 600 people could be Jehovah's people? The answer: they're not. They're worldly. I'm so sorry.

  Once the friends purge was complete, I had some elders try to "friend" me. I ignored these requests. Within a week, an elder's daughter had given her father access to my account. My new crime? Not moderating the comments on my pictures. Some comments were suggestive. We can't have that. So I had to delete posts, pictures or updates that incited toilet humor, etc.

  The last straw was when the elders showed up at my parents' place with a manila envelope with print outs of my gallery. Every. Single. Outfit. was scrutinized, criticized and deemed "unfit for a sister". The locations of the pictures were highlighted, along with the time stamps (22:13 at a bar in the city? Is that Christian? Holding a drink on a Saturday at 15:47? Should Witnesses be day-drinking? This leads to drunkenness by the evening!).

  I closed my entire account down and have never had social media since.

  The paranoia of being "spied on" and having every innocuous activity blown up into a "transgression that requires counselling" has burned me. I don't even comment on benign Youtube videos for fear of having my funny comment taken out of context. It's stifling.
  
• 

  stuckinarut2

  @wake.... wow....so very messed up indeed!

  That sounds like an horrific time. So very sorry for all you went through.

  Now that we are all awake, that kind of behaviour screams INAPPROPRIATE and proof of a CULT!
• 

  wallsofjericho

  I disagree with you completely

  families members are being more and more isolated by "private" social media. Creating family accounts would encourage family time, conversation and a better sense of family

  All families should do this, JW, catholic, atheist, Muslim or otherwise

  You should stop letting anger control your life and quit looking for the "bad" in everything.
• 

  stuckinarut2

  Thanks for your comment wallsofjericho.

  Ill admit that I can allow anger to cloud my view at times. Point taken.

  And as others have pointed out, there is a case for parents overseeing their minor children's social media accounts.

  But for an adult husband to prevent his wife from having her own IG account? For their account to be on his device ? That is just odd, and unhealthy imo.
• 

  just fine

  It's a way to make sure conformity is maintained. No one can develop their own personality, interests, fashion, etc.
• 

  flipper

  STUCKINARUT- Interesting thread. One reason I've never had a Facebook account or been on social media is because of what Wake Me Up Before You Jo-Ho went through. Having been raised in this infernal JW cult from birth- I'm well aware of how many JW's do NOT honor personal boundaries of others at all. I got out in 2003 and I'll be damned if I was going to allow any of my still-in JW relatives to see what I was up to in my personal life so as to use it against me causing me grief with elders who have been out of my life for 14 years after I exited the cult. Not gonna happen.

  If any of my ex-JW friends or non-JW friends who want to contact me- they can either E-mail me at my private E-mail address or call me or text message me on my phone, or write a letter to my residence. I'm not gonna put my private info out there so current JW's can sabotage me. I got sabotaged enough when I was INSIDE the JW cult.

  That being said- in reply to your thread topic, if a JW father wants to be aware of their minor child's tweets or Facebook replies - I see nothing wrong with that- but his own adult wife - that's a total different story. Any relationship where the husband feels the need to control the wife, or wife control the husband- is a poor excuse for a relationship anyway and probably won't last as it has so many holes in it like Swiss cheese. Relationships do not work from being controlling or allowing oneself to be controlled. Relationships work through honor, trust, and respecting the dignity of the other person
• 

  OnTheWayOut

  Ditto to Flipper's comments about control.

  I can see the cult wanting control on social media, so none of this surprises me. They already have to steer everyone to the internet for jwdotorg so they have to watch out for the double-edged sword biting them in the ass. (Really, I think we all know enough to skip elaboration on that.)

  That said, I do have a facebook account and I have to guard against JW's coming in. I am just faded, so I want to be free to be myself without worrying about being reported. I have to watch the back door- friends of friends. But I don't watch it religiously, I just will deny being that person if it were to ever come up. But I don't tweet or instagram or snapchat. If one of those becomes the dominant social media, I probably will take it up, but with the same cautions.