JW marriages: “They” looked good on paper.

by Londo111 39 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  nugget

  It is a religion that is hard on relationships. You have a small pool to pick from and whatever they say girls are disadvantaged as there are always more women than men. This results in men and boys picking on very shallow criteria. Plain spiritual girls and older single sisters are less likely to find a husband than pretty shallow girls.

  This creates a panic so girls will marry young in fear that they will be left on the shelf. The society discourages young ones from dating so the first person you date is likely to be the person you marry even if they are incompatible. If a couple breaks off an engagement it is frowned upon so pressure to marry even if you have doubts is huge.

  Engagements tend to be short so there is little time for people to really get to know each other. With all this there is small wonder that so many marriages fail. Boys can have an inflated idea of themselves whilst girls lack self esteem. Outside the organisation you may date many different people before you find someone you want to settle down with you take time and marriage isn't necessary for intimacy so there is no need to rush into things. Whilst the society is quick to criticize this, it does allow people to take time before making an important commitment.
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  OUTLAW

  On the other hand, among Jehovah’s Witnesses, there seem to be a preponderance of incompatible marriages.

  .............

  
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  ttdtt

  Having been an elder for 2 decades - I had lots of opportunities to interact with couples in my congregation as an elder.
  I have to say - overall there is a high percentage of bad and mismatched marriages in JW land.
  There are many obvious reasons.
  
  One thing that doesn't get talked about is the Negative side of taking divorce off the table for "spiritual couples" who are in what really turns out to be a Bad marriage.
  
  When the threat of divorce is gone - there is LESS reason to compromise and make things work.
  I have seen many times in troubled marriages the attitude "well I am not gonna change cuz he or she can't leave me".
  Also the stupid thinking that the end is soon - and my wife/husband will be perfect then.

  When couples in the real world know the other person may leave if they don't work on the marriage - it can provide a motivation to not just sweep things under the table and not deal with them till there is just disaster - or live a miserable life because god wants you to.

  All I can say is that - the divorce rate in my hall was higher than the national average (which by the way is not 50%) - and there really were only a handful of good marriages at best. Even then often they were because the wife accepted herself as the LESSER one to her husband and just did whatever he said.
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  Fisherman

  the main qualities that this environment promotes, in order to be of marriageable material, is:

  And if you ain't, should you be forced to stay single? I look for physical attractiveness first no matter how "marriageable" the person seems, but I suppose that if beauty is not your gift, you get another shot with your conduct and hours. I would not marry a woman for her money, her brains or spirituality-although it does not hurt if a woman has such virtues, but not for those reasons.
  
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  Chook

  Don't worry about what they look like on paper, look at prospective partners parents ,I can promise that all people don't fall far from one or both parents, regardless of religious upbringing or not. Show me your mother or show me your father and I'll tell you who you are. I hate some personality traits of my mother but I know I have theses myself. That's why family problems are generational. Apple don't fall far from tree . If you don't like parents run like hell.
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  Fisherman

  Show me your mother or show me your father and I'll tell you who you are.

  How true-intrinsically that is, but I have seen JW change a lot of that
  
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  Londo111

  I disagree. I can't help but think how unlike my parents my personality and disposition is...
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  dubstepped

  What Londo said^^^^^^. You can't paint humans with a broad brush like that.
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  Ucantnome

  earlier in the thread I asked this.

  Ucantnome5 months ago

  This has been reinforced by the words of Anthony Morris III at the US Branch visit: women should not marry a man who is not at least a ministerial servant. It was implied the marriage is doomed otherwise.

  where can i find this so i can show it to a JW?

  and this was Londo111 reply

  Londo1115 months ago

  Here is a link: https://www.reddit.com/r/exjw/comments/2lt891/
  

  This was back in 2014 during the US zone visit. Any active JW in the US would have heard this.

  "You know a man that's not serving there should be a real good reason why they're not serving as a Ministerial Servant. inaudible Sister you know how elders get put in awkward positions Uh what's the story with this brother I'm interested in marrying him. But they had already gone too far along. Now they tried to tell her they said well think about it he's 23 years old he's not a Ministerial Servant. Well she married him. She paid for that wrong decision. 23 years old and you're not serving as a Ministerial Servant?"

  On another thread there was a link to a Watchtower article about Anthony Morris III his life and regarding his first love.

  
  

  I remember the first time I fell in love I was quite young and the young lady asked me to meet her in the library at school. She took my hand and told me how much she liked me. I thought she was the most gorgeous girl I had ever met but I couldn't tell her. I was struck dumb. Needless to say that was the end of it.

  The next girl I fell in love with was in the congregation different circumstances but similar outcome.

  With God I was raised a Witness regardless of the boring meeting and awful assemblies I always had a love for God.

  In the article it appears if i'm not mistaken that Mr. Morris entered a Kingdom Hall at 21years of age in February 1971 was baptised that summer at the district convention and married by December. For some reason the poem Soloman Grundy flashed across my mind.

  I find his story interesting in regard to the comments that LondoIII provided

  "Remembering My First Love Has Helped Me To Endure" By Anthony Morris III.
  
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  Londo111

  Wow, that is a good point. It would be interesting to know the details of that!

  It could be a case of "do what I say, not what I do."

  The recommended JW courtship is usually at least a year of dating and as Sam Herd said at a circuit assembly when he was my DO, "Not someone fresh out of the pool".

  I remember a pioneer who had a single bible study about to be baptized. The pioneer told her, "The bad ones will try to ask you out you right away...the good ones will wait and observe." So usually even before a year or so of dating, new ones are supposed to pass a period of "observation" before they are viewed as datable. Of course, all of this is unwritten lore.

  It is a case of control. The organization likes to control who is allowed to marry...those it favors get to marry, those who do not measure up to high standards are left to whither in loneliness. I'm so glad not to be part of this mess anymore.