Low Day For Me Today

pale.emperor

Hi guys. It's been about 4 or 5 weeks since i was disfellowshipped. So far it's been easy, i enjoyed being left alone, no one bothering me, no one telling me i need to do more, need to reach out, questioning why i didnt go on the ministry, and the fact that my ex-wifes family cant talk to me even if they wanted to. It was easy, until today.

I dont know why, but today has hit me pretty hard. Yesterday i took my little girl out for the day. She's 2yo and loves the merry go round horses and kiddie cards on a track. So i took her. We had a really nice day. Later in the evening i passed her to her mum (my ex-wife, still 100% dub). Things were amicable.

Today is Sunday, i went to the meeting (i intend to get reinstated so my siblings will talk to me again). In the meetings i try to sit a row or two near my daughter and she sits with me for half of the meeting and her mother for the other half. I'd had her for the first half already. During the WT study she was crying. She was sat 2 rows behind with her mum and my ex's parents. She was crying for about 2 mins and i wondered why no one was seeing to her. So i got up, went into their row, and there she was on the floor face down crying. So i picked her up and carried her out into the back room. My ex rushed after me - along with her parents. In the back room i was comforting my daughter when my wife snatched her off me again, and her dad shaking his head at me and walked out again. As she was being carried away she was crying "daddy! daddy" and reaching for me. My ex took her into the baby change room with her mother.

I waited outside the baby change door with my arms folded watching the WT speaker. My ex's father (he's an elder) was crouching down in the hall whispering to another elder. The elder turned and looked at me. I looked at him back. Then back to the speaker.

My ex came out of the baby change and we had a small argument - she beleived i was undermining her by taking our daughter from the row. That the entire congregation saw me do it and what does that look like? That our daughter is probably playing us off eachother etc. I explained that i could hear her crying for a good while and i cant stand her being upset so i was only seeing to her. I didnt know what was going on and why she wasnt picking her up and cuddling her.

After the meeting we talked and things are amicable again. But when i got home i had a sad realisation...

If i were to slip and bang my head and die right now, or if i were to accidentally electrocute myself - no one would even know. I have no friends yet. My family dont talk to me. My non witness family, i dont know who/where they are because they were "bad association" and cut off since i was born. In fact, if i were to die right now in my apartment, it would be about a month and a half before anyone would call to my house to see if im ok. If i dont go to the kingdom hall they'd just assume i dont want to go.

This social isolation is really hitting me hard. I keep reminding myself that it's cult control tactic, and it's working. Hell, i'd joing any crack-pot group just to have someone to talk to.

just fine

I am sorry you are feeling bad. Please move on with your life and leave the JW crap behind. This is what they want, this is the whole purpose of your disfellowshipping. If you move on, make new friends, don't play their game anymore they don't have any power over you. You don't have to allow yourself to be treated poorly, you are choosing it, choosing to subject yourself to the meetings.

Saename

It's unbelievable of your ex-wife to be so... well, you know the rest. You were obviously caring for your daughter. She's your daughter, too... Does she not care about that at all? (Sorry, I'm forgetting that people are not rational beings...)

When it comes to not having friends... I'd argue that you do have friends here. Of course, we're not real friends since we've never met, but we do care about each other's lives after leaving the cult. If you disappeared from the forum, I can guarantee you that some of us would notice that you stopped being involved here. Still, having no actual contact besides the Internet, we wouldn't assume you were dead. :D

Anyway, keep in mind that it's not worth joining them back. You see what they're doing. The elders whispering about you...? What right do they have? Do they not see that what just happened was a parent caring for his daughter? Well, Jehovah's Witnesses are that way. They don't see things until they are told.

If you want to be reinstated, many ex-Jehovah's Witnesses do it as well for the sake of having contact with family. But try not to forget in the meantime that this cult is... just a cult. A cult that has no power over you. Show them that you are a confident, thinking and well-meaning individual.

Saename

By the way, if it came to that, keep in mind that, as I understand it, you could use this incident in court to show how shunning policies—and how the organisation in general—are badly affecting your daughter.

jookbeard

WTF did you go through all the aggravation and hassle of being DF'ed and sitting on a JC surely you must have known what was going to happen? was you reported? did you admit to sin? I know hindsight is a wonderful thing but whatever you were doing why didn't you just lead a double life or just desist in whatever activity you was engaging in no one would have ever known? as Just Fine writes you are playing right into their stupid childish idiotic games and have fallen into it hook line and sinker, move on with your life and forget about them, they are toxic vile and evil and I sense only more hurt and pain in your attempts to get reinstated which could take years.

wheres caleb?

I remember the days of telling myself that things will get better because they have to. They did.

A few years ago, I was making breakfast for my daughter and sharing some thoughts with her about how our minds work and she responded by saying, "This is more interesting than anything I have ever heard at the kingdom hall. Elders are so boring."

She's a grown woman now and she still allows me to be a part of her life.

I know it hurts right now, but try to be positive and encouraging for your daughter's sake. The witnesses are weak minded fools. Don't let them rob you of your dignity and self-worth.

My daughter's smile is what kept me going. Hopefully, it will be the same for you.

never a jw

Sorry pale emperor,

I live in Los Angeles, and in a way, have a similar problem. In my case, however, is my choice. I am more of a introvert. The great difference is that I can freely bash the Governing Body and, believe it or not, my family (wife , children, brothers, nephews and nieces) becomes more friendly few hours/days after the rant. Swear to the Spaghetti monster, it's true.

I mentioned that I live in L.A. in case you live in the area and want to meet, we may have common hobbies and interests, besides our hate of the cult.

Giordano

I can see that you have hit a wall and feel alone.And not feeling the love.

If your planning on getting reinstated it's going to be a difficult time made more difficult by ex relatives and Elders who have stopped recognizing your value and humanity.

If that is the thing you really want to do......then consider joining a different congregation.

Either way I think you need to take control by reorganizing your life so that your daughter can become part of it. That means a meaningful life, a good life.

I'd also suggest that you see if there is a Dad's club or a Mom's club that accepts a single male parent in your area. Your daughter is what you will have in common with total strangers. You will not be showing your JW baggage just your genuine self a person who is kind and loves and cares for his daughter. That comes across loud and clear to other Mom's and Dad's.

My son and DIL swear by their group and I have learned that my son has met a number of fathers he has become good friends with.

Also check out any Ex JW groups in your area.

Something else occur's to me re your attendance at their KH. Will it reinforce that the JW's are a part of her life and she has her father's approval by virtue of his regular attendance? Will it bother her that no one talks to her Dad?

Would it be better to simply expose her to the great life you are going to live?

Saename

Giordano - Something else occur's to me re your attendance at their KH. Will it reinforce that the JW's are a part of her life and she has her father's approval by virtue of his regular attendance? Will it bother her that no one talks to her Dad?
Would it be better to simply expose her to the great life you are going to live?

I would have to agree.

Crazyguy

Trying to get back in when you have been dfd for apostasy be prepared to wait a long time especially if your ex father is an elder. I know it really sucks but maybe starting a new life make new friends and teach your daughter reality in the end is the best move. If not are you prepared to wait years?

Low Day For Me Today

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