Hi Everyone,
I'm new here, and I want to make it clear upfront that I am not, nor have I ever been a JW. In fact, until recently I didn't know much about JW's. But I do have a question that I hope both JW's and ex-JW's will try and answer for me..
About 10 months ago, I hired a 20 year old to work for me.. I hired him because he seemed very loyal, ethical, sincere, hardworking and honest. All qualities that I admire greatly.
We became friends, spending time together outside of work. About 6 months ago, he came to me one day and told me that he was a JW, and that he had strayed from his religion. He could not be a friend to me, not because I was a bad person or anything, in fact he admired many of my qualities, but he said that I didn't serve Jehovah, and therefor we couldn't be friends.
I've never heard of anything like that in my life before.. It was clear that we were already good friends, and now he's telling me because of religion that we couldn't be friends.. It hurt, infuriated me, and insulted me because I have always believed in god, although not a member of any religion, and have always believed that god wants us to love one another, and he brings people together, he certainly doesn't seperate them.
Although he said he would like to stay and work for me, and he could be friendly, and even socialize with me occaisionally (about once every 6 months) we certainly could not be friends and socialize on a regular basis anymore. Because my personal life philospophy is based on love and friendship, I told him that although I certainly cared for him, and I certainly still considered him a friend no matter what he said, that it was probably best for both of us if he got another job. I even helped him get it, and I stayed in contact with him, telling him that my conscience certainly doesn't say to end a friendship. So, I visited him semi-monthly, helped him in any way I could, and told him I was kinda doing a reverse witnessing to him. I wasn't going to end anything, he had to tell me to stop coming over, calling him, etc.. Of course, he didn't..
Then I got to thinking, what if he indeed did have the "truth" as he called it. So, I asked him to start a bible study with me. Of course, I do independant research, and so while I was reading his stuff, I was buying books written by ex-witnesses (Thanks Ray Franz among others!) too.. I even told him I was doing so, and although he said he would prefer I didn't, he never even applied pressure for me to stop. I told him that if he has the truth, it should easily be able to answer any questions I can come up with, and will show the apostate's wrong. He agreed.
All the while, our friendship continued to grow.. He never really did end it.. We continued to email, phone and even visit each other on a regular basis, almost daily, certainly 2-3 times a week... Of course, he'd stop over and give some silly excuse to be here, like his computer wasn't working, and I was the ONLY person he could think of who had a computer with a working internet connection, even though I live about 20 minutes from his house, and 2 houses down from him is a witness friend of his with a computer and internet connection..
Soon I began to realize that he did not have the truth, and started feeling that he is a lost sole, and felt real pity for him.
So I started asking him questions that he could not answer, even showing him old Watchtower literature that he couldn't harmonize.
From all the books I've read, they all basically said that the witness is "programmed" to respond to normal bible questions, but they really don't have to think about the answers.. So, I began asking him questions about his organization, and it obviously bothered him.
In fact, I thought he was going to end the bible studies at one point, so I told him that if he walks out on me, that it is his fault the friendship ended, and that he and his organization do not have the truth, as truth is never afraid of any question.
Then a very interesting twist occured in the studies.. I told him that I had read that he was even discouraged from reading the bible chapter and verse without his bible aids. He told me that was not true, so I asked him to stop with the bible aids, and read the bible with me, chapter and verse, starting with Genesis, and going all the way through to Revelation. Although he certainly tried to talk me out of it, he ultimately agreed to it.
He told me that if I were to mention to anyone that we are reading the bible chapter and verse that they would probably look at me cross-eyed because this is unheard of, that he expects me to continue going to kingdom hall with him on occasion, and that the bible is the final word, and I should stop focusing on the organization, and we'll just read the bible (I agreed to stop asking organizational questions).. He then allowed me to use my own bible (The NIV version) and he is reading his NWT version.
About 2 weeks ago, he informed me that he has started dating a girl (witness of course).. In fact, he is an elder's son and a ministral servant, and the girl is also an elder's daughter from another congregation..
I know that he doesn't have the truth, but now I have a crisis of conscience.. I've always felt he hasn't been happy, even soon after he started working for me, you could just tell that he wasn't happy... Well, now I believe I know why, but since I've never been a JW I don't know if he indeed can be happy as a witness or not..
I certainly don't think he understands real love and friendship, since both are always conditional, and I don't believe love should ever be conditional, and friends certainly should be allowed to help each other in their most trying times, but in his religion, when the friend needs help the most (after he's decided to leave the organization, or committ a grievious sin in their eyes) none of his friends are allowed to talk to him.. I cannot comprehend how that can be love and friendship, but again, I'm not a JW, so I cannot say..
So, my crisis is do I just sit him down on our next bible study, and say, Look, I know stuff. Here it is, and show him what I know, or should I not do that?
A.) If I show him, and he can ignore it, I may cause him permanent doubghts, but he may stay a witness, in that case I've now caused him to not even fully believe he has the truth any longer, while still acting as a robot or slave to a fallible organization that claims to be god's appointed channel.
B.) If I show him, it may cause a major crisis in his mind, and maybe will lead him to do something horrible (Like suicide)
C.) If he indeed is dating, and does love this girl, maybe that is why I've always thought he wasn't happy, and that was the only reason.. In which case, he can be a happy witness for the rest of his life, and I shouldn't show him any thing.. Let him live his life believing he has the truth..
D.) If I show him, and he decides to leave, am I possibly causing more harm than good? After all, he'll have to give up his family (He was raised a witness, so all his family are witnesses) not to mention the stress of knowing he's lived a lie for 20 years..??
My conscience is really twisted, and I feel much sorrow and pity for my friend, but I don't know what to do. I want to free his sole, but then again, I don't even know if it really needs freeing, nor do I know what will happen when and if I show him the information I have, if he'll even listen to me..
Please, help me to understand the life of a witness so I can make an informed decision.. I don't even care if he decides never to speak to me again, I just want to do what's best for him, and I don't know what that is..
Any and all Witness's and ex-witnesses I'd love to hear your comments on the matter..
Thanks for any advice you can offer on the subjust
Just wannahelp....