Yesterday, I was feeling very blue. This is quite unusual for me, as I tend to be quite an upbeat, positive person, so spells of sadness or depression take me by surprise and are a real shock to the system. You know, I don’t believe in “putting on a face” or pretending to be ok; this “fake it ’til you make it” malarkey has never been something I’ve liked. I have to express what’s going on in my mind and spirit; crying out to God in anguish and sharing with others.
It was difficult at first to identify what had caused these feelings, but it was clear that bodily factors were largely to blame. I was exhausted, feeling unwell and simply needed to lie down and rest. I’d also received some bad news, and although it wasn’t terrible, I had allowed this information to affect my worldview; draining of it of colour and leaving it all a dreary grey…
I started cooking and listening to some music; making an effort to praise God through my tears. As I praised, cried, prayed and vented to my husband, the fog gradually began to lift and peace was regained in my heart. I noticed that this process started with one “happy thought”. This thought invaded my mind and dissipated my feelings of despair, brightening my outlook on life in general.
The thought was: singing. My husband and I are planning to start a singing class together, and when I remembered this, the thought of it was like a butterfly in my heart, stirring up joy where there had been darkness.
Then, I started thinking about how these small and beautiful aspects of life, such as music, dance, theatre, sports and other innocent diversions, have been discouraged and even forbidden to many who have participated in High Control religious groups. I was recently watching a video from the 2016 Jehovah’s Witness Convention that made my heart break. It shows a man on his deathbed, remembering a scene from decades before in which he was told by his father that he could not accept a scholarship to study the violin. video
Then, in a later video we find this man doing long hours of hard manual labour, visibly depressed by the effect it’s having on him. My husband, who is a musician, also watched these videos and was deeply angered. This is what happens, he said, when you rip someone’s dream from them when they are a child. A lifetime of weary, joyless tedium. later video
I saw another testimony on Youtube recently of a man in his fifties who described how he’d run away from his strict JW parents aged 17, as they wouldn’t let him become a musician. Even though this also happened decades ago, his pain and anger are still present, it’s absolutely tragic.
And what about you? Now that you have broken away from the High Control Group, how will you use your freedom? Have you begun to develop or discover your passion or hidden talents? Why not take some time to explore this, and don’t allow your circumstances to hinder you. It’s easy to think: “I don’t have the time or money to know where to start…”, but not everything costs money or is extremely time-consuming. I’ve found this list of “15 Ways to Explore Creativity” that looks quite inspiring. Tell me, what is your passion???
https://faithafterdeception.wordpress.com/2016/07/27/whats-your-passion/