Roots

by Xena 38 Replies latest jw experiences

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  shotgun

  Hi Xena Warrior Princess

  I've never had problems making friends but as a dub I've only allowed them to be causal friends....No movies together or anything like that. I can't ever remember hearing any of my extended JW family mention even inviting a non-witness to their homes for meal. Half of my siblings are JW's the others not so this means as a family we never got together. I compare growing up as a dub now to thinking everyone you meet outside of the org could possibly give you SARS so you have little or no contact and you steralize your thoughts all the time to remain clean.

  Sad when there are so many wonderful people with so much to offer in the name of freindship...

  You don't look like someone who have difficulty making freinds with the opposite sex

  Sounds like there are many on the forum who care for you, maybe thats the start............
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  GentlyFeral

  When I was a kid I had very few friends and didn’t function well in crowds.

  When I became a jaydub I abandoned my worldly friends and made a few superficial friendships in the bOrg (and a few fairly deep ones, too; but those are gone).

  When I woke up I hung out with a UU church – friendly, comfortable, liberal – and made some friendships there that I have let lapse since I moved on.

  I have one or two friends that I love dearly and see once or twice a year! I’m a miniscule part of their lives and though I’m jealous of the people who have a bigger part in their lives, I’m reluctant to make the effort to be more involved with them.

  do you ever wonder if you will find your place in this world?

  Yes, but it’s not about friendships; for me, that's an economic issue.

  I’m waking up to the realization that I’m phobic about being responsible for people. I’m attracted to bright, troubled people (I’m one myself), so I’m terrified of eventually having to abandon someone who needs me too much, just for the sake of my own survival.

  And even in less threatening circumstances, I do feel “alone in a crowded room” – sometimes because I don’t know how to do the small-talk thing, and partly because being in a crowd wears me out.

  GentlyFeral
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  Navigator

  I'm quoting from memory 'cause I gave away the book so this may not be quite accurate, but the Master's Notebook, contained within Richard Bach's book Illusions, goes something like this:

  "The true test of family is not of blood but of respect and joy in each other's lives. Rarely do members of one family grow up under the same roof."

  There is a lot of work required in maintaining relationships. No one can do it for you. Cults provide automatic relationships and one gets out of the habit of doing the work. They then have power over you because they "own your roots". The solution: Sink New Roots!
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  RAYZORBLADE

  Xena honey: you'd be not lost among us.

  You'd fit right in, and we'd relate to you in ways, only other ex-JWs ever could.

  You're a darling; never worry, you're always welcome in our midsts, no matter where that is.

  Besides: you're way prettier than those bimbo chix from high school anywayz .
• 

  Black Sheep

  Hi Xena, You're looking lovely today, love the dress. What did you get up to on the weekend?

  This is typical patter from a good friend of mine of twenty five years. He is always polite and friendly and interested in you, and has no trouble making friends wherever he goes. I try to follow his example, it works.

  It also helps if you get involved with people. Offering to help help someone (or a group) on the weekend with some chore can expand your circle a bit.

  I am pretty much rootless, having moved a lot during my youth. Most of my schoolmates were not JWs so I didn't keep contact with them. My old JW mates, I don't go out of my way to visit now. I should, really. It would be interesting to see if I got invited back. I have never been DFd or DAd as I avoided the sheep dip.

  Fortunately, blood is thicker than religion in my family (all my grandparents were JW and many of their descendants are/were) and we all get on well, but we are well spread around the planet now so we don't see each other as often as we like. There was a time when the black sheep of the family were avoided, but commonsense has prevailed now.

  ...and you are looking lovely today

  How was your weekend?
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  wildfire

  XENA,,,, I TRULY ENJOYED YOUR COMPANY WHEN I WAS VISITING AUSTIN LAST MONTH.. I JUST WISH I COULD HAVE SPENT MORE TIME WITH YOU... I THINK THE PROBLEM TODAY IS WE NEVER REALLY HAVE THE TIME TO GET TO KNOW PEOPLE . I HAVE BEEN ALONE FOR ALMOST 13 YEARS SINCE MY DIVORCE ,,, AND SINCE I HAVE BROKEN FREE FROM THE WATCHTOWER CHAIN OF OPPRESSION I HAVE COME TO SEE THE TRUE BEAUTY AND SENSIBILITY OF WHAT THIS OLE WORLD CAN OFFER.....I WRITE, I SING, I WALK ALONE AND DREAM OF WHAT I CAN BECOME ,,AND NOW I FEEL LIKE I CAN BE CONTENT WITH WHO I REALLY AM ... HERE IS A POEM I WROTE..CALLED TIME TO HEAL;;THE LESS BROKEN HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF THE MORE BROKEN,,BUT WHERE DO WE FIT IN? A LOOK, A SIGH, A CHANCE TO BEGIN,,, TO SEE THE PAIN INSIDE,, TO CARE WITHOUT COMMITTMENT,, TO COMMITT WITHOUT A CARE,, DARE WE SAY WE WILL BE THERE TO CALM OUR BROTHER'S FEARS....DONT JUDGE ME FOR THE WAY I SEEM.. THE MASK I WEAR IS REAL...... JUST REALIZE FOR ALL ITS WORTH THE BROKEN NEED TIME TO HEAL.....AND YOU LEARN THAT EVEN SUNSHINE BURNS IF YOU ASK TOO MUCH , SO PLANT YOUR OWN GARDEN AND DECORATE YOUR OWN SOUL INSTEAD OF WAITING FOR SOMEONE TO BRING YOU FLOWERS( THIS LAST SENTENCE WAS NOT PART OF MY ORIGINAL POEM ,,, I JUST THOUGHT IT WAS A GOOD ENDING THOUGHT.) TAKE CARE DEAR XENA,, WARRIOR PRINCESS OF THE NIGHT........ SHALOM
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  SadElder

  I understand how you feel. Since I quit doing the elder thing it's like I'm not valuable anymore. Just a mere junior dub. I've also discovered that most dubs only want to know you when they need something. I've counted my phone calls the last three weeks.... the only time anyone calls to just say hey! is when some of my friends from other places call. In the last three weeks only one of my dub friends called as a friend. Huh!
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  obiwan

  I am TOTALLY in agreement . I just feel I have no "past" to reflect on, at least not with anything to apply to myself now.
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  Joyzabel

  I really wanted to comment on Navigator's post. Very insightful, as usual.

  He quotes from a book llusions. Yes we have to put forth the effort to make friends, but isn't really just an illusion on our part that we think others are not as lonely as we, due to our past. I'm sure every human being on this earth feels lonely and is lonely in a crowd it just looks like they have roots and belong. So instead of shrinking back and feeling sorry for ourselves (but there are times its ok to do that, too) make yourself get out there and make friends. Or at least talk and talk and talk. Eventually you'll click with someone, maybe many someones, and then you can develop that friendship.

  Life is difficult and we will never have a life of automatic friendships, unless we want to belong to a "high control group" and all that comes with it. Enjoy your freedom, grieve for the past but put the effort into being a friend yourself.

  j2bf

  I love this board, there are so many friends here that truly understand and helps nudge me along with my growth.
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  Jim_TX

  Been there - done that - bought the T-Shirt... and that was when I was a JW!

  After I left... I was still alone - not mingling with JWs - and not mingling with non-JWs... so I sorta isolated myself.

  Now - I am expanding outwards. I have two sweet non-JW friends (Jow and Sheri), that have 'adopted' me. They know my history as a JW - and accept me for who I am now.

  They invite me over occassionally for celebrations... Father's Day (their kids made me a Father's Day card - I kept it and treasure it), Thanksgiving Day, Christmas Day, Halloween, etc.

  I am slowly trying to re-integrate into society - and become as 'normal' as I choose to become.

  I even had a workmate invite me over to her birthday bash that she had at her house. It coincided with a Spurs basketball game, so I went - and had fun. She had lots of folks over there - so I just kinda melted into the woodwork and observed.

  I think that it is important to find a few non-JW people like these that one can 'pal' with as it will help to try to learn these bloody celebrations that I secretly always wanted to be a part of as a JW.

  But yeah... other than that, I sit alone most of the time. Been doing it for many years - even as a JW. It sucks don't it?

  "I am" by Neil Diamond.

  Regards,

  Jim TX

  P.S. Xena - iffn ya ever get down this way - to San Antonio - look me up. I know that last time, I was not to... ummm hospitable - but I am trying to improve my social skillset. Mebbe we can meet somewhere for coffee.