JW Grandparent Drama

What Now?

My mom and sisters have not had any contact with my family for the past year and a half.

We even recently announced a new pregnancy and none of them acknowledged it or called to say congratulations or anything.

This past week my non-witness grandfather passed away and I had thought that for the sake of his death and funeral, it being "necessary family business" that they would at least be civil in front of our other family. All of them still ignored me, my sisters didn't even speak to my children at all - to be honest I don't think my kids even knew who they were. For the sake of my grandmother I made a small attempt at the end of the day to say goodbye to my mother and she kind of just brushed past me and said goodbye without really looking at me.

Anyways my grandmother told me later that my mom spoke to her and said "I love my daughter and I love my grandchildren and I'm so upset that she won't allow me to see them". To be honest I was quite floored and annoyed really ... because I have never once said that my mother is not allowed to see her grandchildren. I'm not sure what she expects - that I'm going to allow someone to disrespect me and not have anything to do with me, not look me in the eye or acknowledge me in any way but still say "here take my children"? We have made it clear that we still want to be a family and get together, but our family is a package deal. I'm not going to have this twisted relationship where I drop my children off at her front door and leave so she can play the grandmother. What about when the new baby comes? Does she expect me to sit in another room so she can have her visit, and have someone bring the baby back and forth for me to feed them so she doesn't have to deal with me?

It's not even really that I'm worried that she will preach to the kids while they are there, but I feel like anyone that wants to be in my children's life needs to at least be civil with me at the very least. I also don't want my children to see this and think it's a normal way for a parent child relationship to be.

Is this unreasonable? She only sees herself as the victim in this situation and I feel like it would be impossible for her to understand my point of view.

Have any of you had this experience where you have allowed your JW families to continue to see your children?

I'm thinking of writing her one last letter (i've written two in the past which have so far gone unanswered), just to reach out one last time and try to get her to understand my point of view - do any of you have some suggestions about what I might say? How about some "scriptural advice" that I can use to appeal to her?

Thanks all for your input!

Funchback

Spot on, What Now.

Being a parent myself, there's no way I'd let my JW brother try to have a relationship with my son, while at the same time, shunning me.

Like you said, it has to be the whole package, or none at all.

ToesUp

I am sorry they are doing this to you. It hurts.

My self personally, I wouldn't bother with the woman or any of them. They don't deserve you or your children. You are all better than that. I wouldn't write, text or call. Why should you? She and other family members don't respect you. Respect is earned.

Trust me it is their loss. I have had to do the same thing with family. Sad!

What a loving bunch of hypocrites eh?

just fine

I had to let go of my family. You are not responsible for your family's bad behavior, and there is nothing wrong in not allowing yourself to be treated badly by them. When they want to act like normal human beings they are welcome in your life until then, they are only victimizing themselves. They are trying to manipulate and control you, don't fall for it.

After many years my parents finally came around and we have a decent relationship, my siblings still do not speak to me. And it's better that way.

Sail Away

I feel like anyone that wants to be in my children's life needs to at least be civil with me at the very least. I also don't want my children to see this and think it's a normal way for a parent child relationship to be.

Is this unreasonable?

Reasonable, rational and sane, What Now?

As ToesUp said, "Respect is earned."

sparrowdown

No don't let them walk all over you, I wish more people would stand up to JWs rude insulting behavior by just saying No deal! JWs are not "nice" they are narcissistic religious bullies.

Anony Mous

Obviously they are conditioned to believe you're the one with the behavior problems. Is there perhaps a way to demonstrate good grandparenting from the other parent of the children?

I know it's hard, I've been on both sides of the coin, both doing the shunning with children and later on being shunned with children, it's not easy either way. I eventually came to the conclusion that it's not fair for the JW to require such sacrifices because you can have a relationship without being influenced by the other party one way or the other, over time you realize you're not punishing anyone but yourself, the incentive to become a JW again does not work.

zeb

its their loss not yours. You might take a leaf from the story where the rich were invited to a banquet and didn't turn up.. hey my handicapped offspring invited bros and sis to a get to gether and the same thing happened those that did arrive arrived very late.

so invite others who have no grand kids into your life to be 'surrogate' grandparents perhaps.

Keep high in mind that this bloody awful shunning is a two edged sword; when they come begging for money then its your turn to tell them to go to the elders or write to the wts for their needs.

My words aside I feel for you and the pain it must be causing you. I saw what my mother once poisoned did to my siblings.

Finkelstein

Thats sick human behavior, kind of tells the story how mind controlled JWS really are.

scratchme1010

Have any of you had this experience where you have allowed your JW families to continue to see your children?

First, my condolences for your loss.

They are playing victims. They are full of shit, not necessarily by their own merit, but mostly because that's how they feel loyal to the WT, that is, because of their brainwashing.

The number one tactic that cults, controlling groups and conservatives use on a daily basis is to always trying to portray themselves as victims in every situation. That way they gain allies, they get others to see you as a bad person, and they reinforce the nonsense that they believe.

I'm so sorry that you are going through that. It's unwarranted and hurtful.

JW Grandparent Drama

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