Some thoughts on guilt. (page 2)

Landy

Landy is that how you judged my post?

Not really - it was more the first one.

Thanks for the understanding comments. Tornintwo, you are spot on. My wife feels all that. I have tried to get her to just BE and step back and lick her wounds a little, as I am doing. I have come under serious pressure to be more active again myself, like being asked to take fs meetings, and I have been amazed at myself for being able to kindly but firmly say "no." When they don't expect me to say it as I always gave in in the past, the sense of freedom is surprising. Wow, I can say no!

Xanthippe, she is severely depressed, you said it. Been to docs and she has meds. Not working well so far.

Landy

Wow, I can say no!

The first time is always the most difficult - it gets easier!

Coded Logic

Hobson's Choice. Hadn't bumped into that one before. Nice little cognitive tool for addressing people presenting ultimatums as a "choice".

Choosing between a having a black car and having no car doesn't mean you have a choice of colors for your car.

Xanthippe

New Day, SSRI meds take about three weeks to start working. They help the serotonin build up in the brain. If she is severely depleted it will take time. I am so sorry for you both, I had it for five years. Rest and taking care of herself will help. A good diet, fresh air, exercise, stress reduction and sleep. The problem is the chemical imbalance will make her feel that she is not worthy of taking care of herself, she needs to realise her brain is working against her. My heart goes out to you both.

sowhatnow

as a former elder, you should know the scriptures to show her where God does not expect 'works' to show him how a person accepts jesus as the son.

your heart condition, is what makes God notice, not the works of men he is the hearer of prayer, not men.

God reads the heart, not a service form.

how she thinks a loving god would ever judge her for not being a wonder woman is beyond me.

explain to her that by taking care of her own health and happiness, will make her a better person inside, and a better loving wife and companion to you her husband.[ taking care of her family is all god expects from any woman.] god doesn't want or need worn out frazzled people,lol

This is what God wants from her, to love you and enjoy the gift of life.

what sort of god does she want to worship?

one that judges her on some warped idea of recordable 'works', or on her heart and love for her family?

one who wants a joyful heart or one who makes 'notes'?

how would she treat someone like herself? someone who feels depressed and sad and anxious? what would her advice be?

is she better than god? she might be.

by her being a simple loving happy wife is the best gift she can give to god.

not for her to conform and be upset due to an unbalanced view of worship.

best of luck.

talesin

I can only imagine the pressure she is under from the BOE and others in the congregation. You have stepped down, are inactive (which is great), and she is still a believer. She has the weight of the world on her shoulders. Going to the KH must be very hard - it is on any JW whose spouse is inactive. Being extra kind, helping her out, ask her what she would like to do, and take a walk together every day.

dubstepped

Guilt is "I did a bad thing". Shame is " I'm a bad person ". I think that what your wife is really feeling is shame. The Borg work it into their talks and publications, always questioning your true motives. There's a feeling of never being " enough" that gets to the core of who you are. It is manipulative on the part of the organization and a way of controlling good people because they'll do anything not to be bad people. It is twisted reasoning by monsters.

stuckinarut2

Fear, Obligation and Guilt ( FOG ) are the hallmarks of a high-control cult like group....

The moment one allows themselves to let go of such imposed FOG, is the moment clarity and joy returns to one's life!

New day

Talesin, sorry to give you the wrong impression if you thought l was inactive. No, still going out on the ministry to support my wife and to reassure that I have (in her eyes) not lost my faith. If she could take it I would be more forthcoming about how I feel, but it would crush her. I also go to most of the meetings as she couldn't go alone.

Xanthippe, the meds still aren't really working and she has been on them for over a year! We talked to the doc about something stronger but he is very cautious, doesn't want to give her something that drugs her too much.

Some thoughts on guilt.

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