How many of us are 'perfectionists'?

FayeDunaway

I made a medium level mistake at work today, and when I make mistakes it REALLY shakes me up and takes me a long time to recover. It completely rattles me, makes me feel awful about myself. My mind keeps going back to the mistake reliving how I could have let it happen. I tend to remember my mistakes for many years down the line. I try to do anything to avoid confrontation, try to give great service and especially, make everyone happy. It occurred to me that maybe this is a shared feeling from growing up witness, where making an error brings you to judgment and condemnation. Do you try to be perfect all the time?? How do you react if you do make an error? If you were once like this but have gotten over it, how have you gotten over it? I appreciate any thoughts and advice!

sparrowdown

Oh, I know what you mean Faye, I'm the same, and yes I too have concluded it to be a legacy of being in a doomsday cult. Where one wrong decision could result in a horrible physical everlasting death at armageddon, and being socially dead to all around you now.

They are pretty powerful reasons to be hypervigilant about pretty much every decision you make and obsess over errors.

I have found reminding myself that it's not about the mistake so much because we all make them, there is no such thing as perfection and mistakes are in fact how we learn.

But our attitude to the mistake, for instance making a note to self for next time etc etc then move on.

tim3l0rd

I relive mistakes from decades ago that I'm sure the other parties don't even remember. It's the guilt complex that we're instilled with.

gma-tired2

You are all in good company

sparrowdown

The articles and talks in the congregation will often give lip-service to imperfection, but in reality it is the most intolerant and judgemental of environments to survive in outside of politics or celebrity.

C0ntr013r

Same thing here, I am thinking however that it might simply be a human trait? I think many "worldly" people could identify with this too. Maybe it is stronger in us thou?

Phaedra

This topic hits so close...
We were told that perfection is possible.

And we were told that we can strive to make over our personalities in this system.

So many of us equated that with that we can be close to perfect if we just.... try a little harder.

Problem is a little harder never lets up. Then we become neurotic.

Ripe for the picking.

Xanthippe

Yes I really recognise those feelings Faye. I agree it's about years of being around judgemental people. The crazy think is 'normal' people actually don't mind if you make a mistake, they like it, shows you're human. I do still feel horror for a while after making a mistake, waiting for the sky to fall, although it doesn't last long now before the feeling subsides. Good thread, many people will relate to this I think.

Village Idiot

That describes me too Faye. I've been clinically diagnosed as having OCPD. I too relive things from my youth decades ago.

I think it's a neurological issue with most people. Our brains are simply different.

dubstepped

*raises hand*

My name is Mike, and I'm a perfectionist. I happen to have many years in recovery though. It is certainly something that exists within the population in general, and it is thought that there's a genetic component in some cases. With that said, how could we not be? If we are conscientious people raised in a cult that preached perfection, devoid of any allowance for the human condition, we didn't stand a chance. I almost committed suicide because I couldn't meet the standards set before me through the cult. I'm glad to have now found happiness instead of the pursuit of perfection.

I highly recommend the book "Happier" by Tal Ben-Shahar for my fellow sufferers. It was instrumental in a turning point for me.

How many of us are 'perfectionists'?

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