Like my brother inlaw no dish can be left unwashed...no tool left out of place dont touch "his" car with your hand..perfectionist and workaholic socially does not give a shit about anyone or talking or showing love to anyone. Can be rude and very selfish. My diagnosis is mild autism...very very hard to deal with.
How many of us are 'perfectionists'?
by FayeDunaway 20 Replies latest watchtower beliefs
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John Aquila
Faye, I was just thinking about that recently. I used to be a perfectionist big time, I mean everything had to be just right, otherwise I would go crazy thinking about it.
I'm not so much anymore and I was trying to figure out WHY. What happened to me that I'm not like that anymore? What did I do to change that part of my personality?
I have a hypothesis. Since I woke up two years ago, I've read tons of books on all kinds of subjects. Books on Psychology, Anthropology, Biology, criminal behavior, history, culture, and I think it has slowly changed my thinking without me being aware of it.I started noticing that Non-jw perfection is totally different from WT perfection.
The WT focuses a lot on striving for perfection not just in this life but during the 1000 year reign. Remember the illustration that all humans MISS the MARK of PERFECTION. How did that make you feel? I know for me, it made me feel like I had to do better and I had to try harder to get closer to the Bullseye.It was never ending.
This has a major effect on the members. As a former elder, you would be surprise how many times I heard the words, "But I'm Imperfect, I'm a sinner, I missed the mark. This was for little things. Like a sister would confess that she had bad thoughts when she saw a handsome man, or a brother who confessed that he had a dream about another woman. A lot of the friends wanted to be "Perfect" according to the WT definition of perfection. That idea was ingrained in us in a very subtly way and I think a lot of us don't realize the powerful effects the idea of WT perfection had on our lives.
They really messed us up didn't they.
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LisaRose
I set very high expectations for myself, not in everything, but more in my professional life, and I am devastated when I fail. I realised this is very unhealthy so I am working hard to overcome it, but it is difficult. I never thought about it, but I think it could very well be at least partially the Watchtower thinking. Everything is so black and white, years of faithful service means nothing is you miss a meeting. No excuses, no allowances for difficult circumstances. It's sick.
I work very hard at finding that work/life balance, it's not easy.
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FayeDunaway
Thank you all for your thoughts!! I'm not the only one!!
I need to learn to brush off my mistakes, and say 'oh well. I'll do better next time' instead of let them eat at me. I'm not perfect, I will never be perfect in this life. I will do stupid stuff.
I feel better already, just saying that.
Ironically yes Xanthippe, when other people make mistakes or admit their lives aren't perfect I actually like them a whole lot better. This one lady I didn't like much, one day she told me her marriage needed a lot of work. Bam! I thought she was great. Yes, she became human. Why don't I have the same standards for myself?? I think being raised witness and trying to look perfect and be perfect all the time, and it's a works based 'faith.' There's a great shame in falling short of any of that. And yes im sure some of it might be genetic or neurological or just personality. But the judgmental culture was SO strong for us.
I think just being aware of this, and talking about it, will make our guilt and shame at our shortcomings, and failures at doing things perfectly, easier to deal with. John and mike im glad you're moving on from yours.
Thanks everyone!
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freemindfade
Measuring things by perfection is a deep jw mentality but also in general I think people fall into this.
Some of the people we consider the best on this planet past and present, failed regularly and often. But they had the courage to keep going, To improve, to keep failing their way to greatness. Sure failing is disappointing, but shift the focus to your next success instead and get to work on that.
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Bonsai
Failure is the mother of success, or so they say. I'm an expert at failure. Still waiting for mother to arrive though.
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cantleave
I have never been a perfectionist. I do what I have to to get the job done, it's why my laboratory career was relatively short lived and why I moved into management roles where I can delegate perfectionism to those that can achieve it. -
Vidiot
I'm not a perfectionist...
...but I'm kind of a neat freak.
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breakfast of champions
Yep. I'm my own worst critic as far as this kind of stuff. Drives me batty. -
stuckinarut2
This thread really hits home to me...
I expect a lot of myself, and I am a perfectionist too. Also a neat freak....